A day in a Woman's life

The Turmoil and the Pretense

2011-10-11T17:53:00.002+01:00

This is my second visit to my sister-in-law on this my consulting leadership journey. I like to talk to her for two main reasons among others. First, she has substance and understands professionalism, second, she will tell me the truth without sugar-coating anything because I am not her ‘friend’ so I chose her earlier on in my journey as a resource… call it “sounding board resource”. So we have our second meeting scheduled for today and because I came with my kids (one toddler and a 10 year old), we had to ‘move’ our discussion to another part of the living room area.
Although I have been to this home several times on social visits and family stuff, I have never really sat in this part of the house and have never noticed the painting on the wall staring at me today or maybe I am starring at the picture. My sister in-law was on the phone as we got in and the conversation was a fairly long one so I had time to look around. This picture is the portrait of a woman seemingly serene and at peace with herself… (sort of resigned but not with hopelessness). There was a richness and a fullness around her. On a closer look you get to see four cracks, all joining together to make a complete picture. It immediately appealed to me as if to say “this is your picture…” A lot of effort to appear serene or at peace but with a lot of turmoil and cracks. Although I have not checked out my ‘cracks’ to know how many pieces make the whole, but I am sure it must at least four like in the painting.
Maybe turmoil is a strong word I said to myself but what better word depicts the war or rather wars within… relationship cracks, spiritual cracks, career cracks, motherhood cracks, sisterhood cracks, personal journey cracks, discovery cracks… just mention it… there are crack.
As my sister in-law finished her conversation and came around to sit and discuss, I pointed to the painting and she said “yes it is a good piece, isn’t it…?” “The woman depicting serenity…I promptly cut her off with a loud laugh and this my sister in-law is prim and proper (Buckingham palace kind of prim and proper… no loud laughs kind of a person… you have to laugh with dignity and poise). So she was a little taken aback and I said no “I am relating more to the four cracks (which she called parts) that make the whole and appear serene. I told her that it kind of depicts my life right now… different wars within yet one has to appear to be all together… serene and at peace. We both laughed and got on with the meeting. That image stayed with me…

What a long break????

2011-10-11T17:52:00.000+01:00

Hello all
I must really apologize for such long break but it has been tough…juggling quite a bit and my blog took the most hit. I embarked on a leadership development program and it has been gruesome in its demands… but I have resolved to find a little time a week to tell you all about it… the intrigues and the scenes behind the scenes. While there is not much of juicy stuff flowing out of academic program but there are stuff happening in the study groups and I have really missed dissing on those… the characters, the charades and other things happening in other areas of my life…
So I am back beginning with this story which happened earlier on as I embarked on this yet another journey… please come with me and share with me… and do not forget to leave your comments… and tell others about the blog…

Death Becomes Us...

2011-03-27T01:18:00.000+01:00

Today is one of those reflective days. It is the funeral of a friend and a colleague and I got to there a little early and sitting at the cemetery, the quietness, the solitude and the gloom that hung in the air as the different groups and clusters of people come in to bury their loved ones, it hit me again as it always does at times like this and practically everyday that life is one lonely journey but a lot of people ‘own’ you at death.
The living do not occupy my mind today though but the dead and they surround me with their tombstones perfectly erected and some already falling apart as in life… some are firmly focused on their journey and some fall apart along the way. So here I am sitting down wondering: How did they live… all these names and dates and lovely inscriptions and epitaphs? What did they live for?
My friend struggled a little bit on this journey but that is a struggle only friends know. She had a big smile always and that is what people remember. As I write this piece, I paused to think if and the times that I’d seen her cry. Oh yes she cried…
She had an abusive husband…she cried. She wanted children…she cried. She struggled with her health…she cried. But as much as I remember the times she cried, I also remember the she laughed so much. The times she triumphed and the times she lived.
Death is an end, a window for faith based dead but an end of a particular journey albeit.
Margaret had a dream I’d learn in death but a dream she had. She had a vision and she was headed somewhere… that surely is much like us still living. Did she get there? Did she park on the way? I do not know and we can never tell. Life is about purpose and longevity is promised to no one. No, no one at all but to all of us a dream, a talent has been given.
In the end, death becomes us and that is all of us… Do not put off until tomorrow… today is all you have. Live like it is the end because it is the end in essence…

The joy of the big bus

2011-03-08T17:42:00.000+01:00

What makes you smile?

What excites you?

Although it may appear a simple question but adults will find it difficult to immediately and jubilantly jump and give the answer? Life has choked out whatever it was and now we are not even sure so we look for it in all sorts of places… shops, malls, luxury goods, electronic gadgets, food etc and yet it eludes us so very much.

Recently, I read a number of unusual books ant they are the books I am likely to remember for a very long time, one of them is Life is a Verb by Patti Digh… please get it, read it and pass it on. It talks a lot about the simple things in life and the simple ways we can enjoy the journey and it may be the reason that I started noticing little things and understood for the first time in my life what it means to stop and smell the roses.

On a recent trip to the US, I took my two year old son Popo with me. We first stopped in London and because of I have always seen the London buses, it was part of the city. It did not stand out until my son almost jumped out of the stroller at the sight of his first bus. From then on, we could not take any step further, could not enter any shop or restaurant because we need to watch the buses. Unfortunately, we were on Oxford Street and the bus stream was endless. I was there jumping like a crazy woman to share in his excitement which could not be contained in anyway. Until I convinced him that the train which we need to take to head back to the airport in order to catch our connecting flight to the US is one big bus and so we got on it.

Getting to the US only heightened the new discovery of buses and the excitement continued with the metro buses. His face lights up, he screams “mama big bus” as each metro bus passed. I decided that we will go to as many places as we can via buses. He would not get down when we get to our bus stop. He will scream “no mama, popo not getting down”. Eventually, I will get him off carrying him with him kicking and screaming. We were a sight. Even though it was cold, he never minded as long as we are waiting for the big bus to arrive. If he sees a bus coming even when I say that is not our bus, it will not deter him from yelling “mama see popo bus”.

The mention or the appearance of a metro bus stops him from crying, gets him to behave and a trip on the bus is the highlight of his day each day and if we get off at the end of our trip, he was sad until you tell him that tomorrow is another day for adventure on the big bus.

Although my to do list was utterly changed on this trip on a daily basis, I decided to see the world through his eyes and find joy in little things like rides on a big bus.

Happy new year to all of you that stop through this blog site. In this new year, look around you for the little things that can help you forget the sorrows, the stress, the anger, and everything that weighs us down on this journey and laugh more. See if you can enjoy the ride on the big bus even with your Rolls Royce parked in the garage.

Enjoy the journey!!!

Searching for your purpose

2011-03-08T17:32:00.000+01:00

Life is journey we are thrust upon at birth.
As we grow up we are guided, supported, we are trained, and we are educated in several ways and diverse fronts all to get us ready to embark on the journey for which we have already started.

As we journey, the search for who we are and the purpose for the journey faces us and tries to stop us or slow us down. When the purpose shadows comes at you along the journey, it stops you and you will never move until you have cleared it out. This is a point in everyone’s life where we ask questions and get hollow echo back at us and we keep asking, digging, searching until we find it or never find it.

The search can be torturous, and people destroy themselves in the search because it is fearful and the answers are not forth coming so we turn to the side for help and destruction comes and we pack along the way and never make it.
Some people search once and find the ace and journey to the end. Some people search several times as one find leads to a dead end and the search continues. Whether you are searching for the first time or you have to search several times, do not despair… you are about a purpose, you have a mission and in searching you will find thus.

As I searched some days and listen to people searching along the same journey, I wrote the piece below…

What am I about?
Some days I feel like an ant with dead antennae so I hit my head and it is a wall
I try the other direction and it is another wall

What am I about?
What should I be doing?
What am I wasting my time doing?
How should I go about it?
I do not believe that I am just a floater or meant to go through this path without an impact.
I feel like a failure but even that does not help
I fear… I worry… I am not even sure that if I see an opportunity, I‘d recognize it because it seems I have no clue what I am looking for

What am I about?
I ask again and again and I get no answer
But I hear a voice
A voice so clear and loud
You are about … about … about
Keep on

Wings 2011

Political Correctness and the Disappearance of Truth

2011-02-11T19:16:00.002+01:00

Sometimes I laugh out loud when people tell me that I am smart or that I am more than an average person intellectually because it takes me a while to understand things and sometimes truly I never quite understand some things and these are not usually complex concepts or theories for that matter… I mean not rocket science as they say.
One of the things that I do not understand is the term “politically correct”. I mean, someone says something and you hear things like “That may be the truth but it is not politically correct”. Thinking about this for a while now, I wondered if there is anyone out there who is struggling like me to understand how the truth can be clouded by being politically incorrect.
I heard myself laughing aloud as I was driving that it will be possible to have a conversation like this:
Person A : “Good afternoon”
Person B : “Why would you tell me good afternoon this time? It is my morning and I am offended. How can you say it is afternoon because that is how you interpret the time of the day?”
“I think it is politically incorrect to say good afternoon to me when you do not know what time I think it is”.
Believe me a conversation like the above will have some people on this planet arguing that because someone set the time that after 12noon, it is afternoon does not mean it is for everyone even if they are in the same time zone. You know such senseless issues in the name of being politically correct. Oh you may think a person is nice or wearing a nice dress, please do not comment because while it okay to give compliments, it is not politically correct to tell a lady that she looks nice…. hoohoohaa what is the world turning into??
No longer can we say black is black and white is white because it is politically incorrect to say someone is black or white or something is black or white . Pretty soon, we will stop talking to each other because the very next person is offended just seeing the other person.
If something is not correct, it is not correct. How can it not be correct morally and be correct politically or vice versa, how can it be politically correct and be wrong in every other way. I am totally lost on this one.

Life is a Dance. Life is a Journey

2010-09-15T00:07:00.001+01:00

Life is a dance. I dance. You dance and we all dance. Even with the best choreographer, we all dance differently as we hear the tune and as our bodies will let us move. Some with intensity, some with great agility and others just gracefully swinging from one direction to the other but dance we do.

In the same way, life is a journey and we are at different stages of our journey. Some just beginning, some very far gone and some at the middle, no matter where you are, we are all trotting along… and some have finished, reached the end and the destination and others have parked along the way.

Nothing can be truer as I look at the lives of my two boys now. One is getting ready to leave for high school and cannot wait to embrace this new stage of his life. Everything is about independence and the freedom of action that he believes high school will bring. No matter what I say about the boundaries and the unwritten rules of life, he still believes high school will take him away from the clutches of my discipline.

On the other hand, I look at my little toddler “Popo” who cannot leave me alone or take his hands off me. He holds my two legs so that I do not leave him and go out. He tugs at my clothes, pulls it and drags me around making sure we are linked and tied together somehow. He wakes up in the morning and pull me “pup up mama” no matter how much I tell him that I want a few more minutes of sleep, all I hear is “pup up mama”. There is no way he was leaving that bed and that room without me.

This is true of each of us every stage of our life and our journey. We need something different. Sometimes we want someone to hold us and never let us go and some point we want to be ‘set free’… (although we are free all the time). While one is ready to fly away to explore the world, one needs to hold me to help him explore his world, understand his world this time. For both there are lessons of life for us all.

The World is a Dance Floor

2010-08-11T08:15:00.000+01:00

The world is a dance floor and we all dance differently even if the beat is one which it never is, we hear it differently.

This morning as I was sweating it away on the treadmill beside an older lady who was leisurely sweating it on the bike and dabbing her face at the show of any resemblance of sweat, a dashing young lady came in to say hello to the older lady. Did I say dashing? More like glamorous, elegant and all very well put together from her make-up to her bright scarlet red wrap around dress.

Every head (male and female) turned to towards the young lady and as she came around the older lady asked if her dress was a Von Frostein design and she said no but clearly basking in the attention and appreciation albeit with humility.

Just then we looked through the window as a reflection shone through the glass of another young lady whose glitter and style shone through the window in her gold and tube top walking towards her car with all pump and pageantry. The older lady shook her head and said but not maliciously, “that is not appropriate for this time” and then the well dressed lady with a big smile on her face “Oh that’s Jane. She always jams it all together… afternoon, evening even disco outfits”.

Even though that is very true, it reminded me of what I recently read that these differences and excesses are what makes the world what it is and makes the journey exciting.

From all indication, “Jane” was feeling very happy and beautiful in her disco outfit at 10.30 am and may be heading to the mall for all you care just like that.

While I do not diminish the appropriateness of styles and dressing but really life is a dance, the world a dance floor. We hear different tunes, we dance to whatever tune we hear and our steps are different but we are all dancing. Lets all just dance, dance and not worry about the dance steps of the other person

What are tears for?

2010-07-18T17:23:00.000+01:00

I believe many people have either asked or contemplated this question. I do not know for sure why we have tears. I think I learnt in school that tears help clean our eyes… I am not sure if I was told that or I am making it up but I have that information in my head somewhere. True or false, I am not sure exactly why we have tears. If it is to clean our eyes, then why do we have to cry or laugh before we can clean our eyes?

Today, I attended the prize giving and school graduation ceremony in the school my kids go to… none of them was graduating but hey… they are moving from one class to the next. I always go for the graduation ceremony in this school because I like to see the young kids celebrate the completion of a phase in their lives and declare their readiness to go to the next one. It is always so touching.

So today I was there and I was crying all the way. First, we had little celebrations in each class, celebrating the different strengths of each child in every class. That was great. It was an opportunity for the teachers to ‘show off each child’ it was not about academics only… it was about everything and anything good in each child.
I do not want to mention that when the teacher talked about my older son I cried and wept and wept and it was all about how good he is and of course how they will miss him because he is not coming back next session to that school.

Then it was time for prize giving and graduation ceremony. When my son’s name was mentioned for a prize I teared up… I was very happy right? So I cried… interesting. Then came the time for the graduating students and their teachers and them I started crying again. I had to leave because I was making a mess of my well applied mascara…

I got home and I was still crying about everything… the prize, the speeches, the songs and then I asked myself what we were given tears for.

Honestly, I am not sure when my tear tap is supposed to be opened… I read books I weep, I see movies that I know are sheer acting, I cry. I get a good present I cry. My son does well in school and gets a prize I cry. I have a miscarriage I cry. I have a healthy baby I cry. I witness an accident I cry. I see the homeless I cry. Someone is in pain I cry. Someone gets a miracle I cry. I watch my children sleeping peacefully I cry. They are sick I cry. Did I mention that my son is leaving for school in a few months time and I cry just thinking about it?

Strange Summer Dream

2010-07-15T18:48:00.002+01:00

Last night, I had a very strange dream. I hardly dream (I mean dream while asleep… the one when awake… I dream endlessly), I only dream when I have malaria or when I am thoroughly drugged up in the hospital like after a surgery and I am on my way back to consciousness.

So I had this strange and weird dream… not sure how I got into the aircraft or where and when we boarded but we landed and we were on our way to some hotel (have forgotten the name now) in Dallas. Please how in the world would I be headed to Dallas? I had never thought of Dallas as a special place to go (and that is not to say Dallas is not a great Texas city… it really is). I have no friends or foes in Dallas that I think of. I have a long listing of places I want to visit in the world and so many cities in the US I want to go to but Dallas is not one of them (maybe because I have already been there about 12 or 15 some years ago).

Anyway, here in my dream, I am in Dallas with my boys in toe. We are to go to our hotel and who is there to take us in his bike? Some British soccer player looking happy and ready to chauffeur us on his big bike and I said “Oh you look familiar”. Familiar indeed!!! As if I knew him from adam and as if I see his like everyday in my life offering to drive me around town. So as I said “Oh you look familiar, my older boy said “mummmm” with much emphasis on the last m as if I am embarrassing him, I turned towards him and said “yes” (as in what is it now, can I not talk?) And he said “mum, this is Owen”. Then I said “E hen”! Indicating that now I recollect… I know the guy. So we all jumped on his bike and headed to the hotel.

Not sure what happened after that (must have sleepily woken up to feed the baby his milk) because the next time I knew what was happening, we had reached the hotel only the soccer player was not with us and right there at the reception, they asked us who we wanted to see (because maybe the likes of us did not stay in that hotel). Again, I would not remember his name so I said “that British soccer player” and the lady laughed and said “Owen” and again I nodded in affirmation as if “yea who else?”. She immediately pointed to the pool area where Mr Owens was basking in the Dallas summer sun. I looked and smiled…

I did not immediately head towards the “British soccer player” but decided to look around the reception which was very crowded with lots of people coming and going. As I looked, there was a cousin of mine who lives in the US so I walked up to her and she was very surprised to see me. She said she had no clue I was coming to the US and I said even me I had no clue I was coming too… how true!!!

When I woke up, I had a good hearty laugh. So this must be my own summer sizzle from own very bed in Lagos, Nigeria… with the British soccer player who I guess I should be grateful came to pick me up from the airport as he captained England to the woeful world cup outing. Since I am not in the hospital under heavy sedatives (thank God), I must be coming down with malaria (please God… no malaria a beg)… only now that I think of it, I wish and wonder why it was not rich and handsome David Beckham or even young and rich Cristian Ronaldo in his red Ferrari…

… guess that will be for the next summer dream… for now, Owen will do.

Gym locker room dynamics

2010-06-11T00:57:00.000+01:00

For several years, I should say decades I have been going to the gym. It is a major part of my life and the one place that I have a lot of fun. When I am not spending time with my kids, the next best thing is the gym and a good book. Nothing beats a good run on the treadmill and although I hate the crunches that accompany these fun cadios and I get to do those last and count the minutes.

In the last 18 months, my routine changed as I took a career break to make a career change. I started going to the gym at a different time of the day after workers have gone to the office and kids have gone to school. I realized after a couple months that it is different. It is a different group of people with different mindsets and different approach to life. To start with, there is no frenzy in terms of rushing in and out because you have to get to the office the same minute you are stepping out of the shower.

Showering at the gym in my new schedule was not a regular routine. In fact for several months I did not know where the locker room and shower facilities were because I usually get there for the aerobics and step aerobics classes, visit my favourite machines and head home. Every once in awhile I shower at the gym especially if I have an errand to run along that end of the city and recently it has become a lot more regular. Initially, I could not understand the kind of discussions and dynamics that happen at the locker room as ladies and women shower and change not to mention the fights.

The first time I witnessed one of these discussions, it was about breast size and augmentation and the ladies that their husbands want them to get certain sizes and others to lift up the sagging ones. I silently listened without contributing because such discussions were alien to me. Then came the label comparisons. Now I have noticed that this is a regular topic and one that really irritates me. Not that I do not know that women are usually concerned with fashion and fashion accessories but I have never been part of a women community that this is the dominant topic and everyone is trying to find out who is wearing and who and what everyday.

Over these past months too, I have come to know that these regulars at this time are in three categories…the ladies that are married to expatriates of all sorts (bi-racial partners) form one group, the foreign ladies (expatriate ladies and wives) form a second major group and others which is where I will classify (professionals and self employed who dictate their working hours) and often wear the expression “how did I end up being in this place at this time?” These groups believe me see the world differently and also there are usually silent wars and very fierce competition among the first group of our gym community members

One thing is obvious they (the first group) compare relationship notes, luxury goods notes and related antics. Sometimes I ‘enjoy’ listening to the shallow discussions such as labels on the clothes and how much the bags cost because it certainly shows me that there other types of people on the face of the earth that are not worried about achieving purpose or ranting about values and principles… the deep things. All said, the locker room can be very entertaining and irritating at the same time and until my schedule changes, this is my new gym communities… some are from mars!!!

In Death we Live

2010-06-05T01:08:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I attended the funeral service of an older friend’s mother. She was over 80 years of age and was considered to have done well in that regard.

It was not the good things that were said about this woman that caught my interest as I have long concluded that once you are dead you are so loved and you are very good.

My friend is at least 60 years and the first of 7 0r 8 siblings. Her brother is over 50 years. When I went to see my friend after I heard that her mum passed, she was tearing up talking about her mum and imagining what her mum would be saying now. She said she will really miss her mum. I told her that I thought that it is easier to deal with this separation when we are older. She said even as old as she is, she never really thought her mum will die… ( a little strange). She wanted confirmation that she did enough to show her mum that she really loved her while she was alive. I told her that I am sure she did.

Yesterday she was to thank the people for attending the service and the officiating priests and she broke down again and could barely talk. I can understand my friend could be quite emotional so it was not her tears that shook me up, it was her brother openly weeping after church. I have never seen that in my adult life.

As I left the church, I could not even remember any of the lofty achievements of this mother of 7 and they were plenty but the picture of the depth of the loss portrayed in the faces of her two grown children especially told me a lot. I concluded that even if she did or did not achieve much in terms of accolades, she was a mother who loved her children and was devoted to them.

The whole day I thought about this and I know she was one great mother even in death. If you will not be forgotten by the people you love then you live even though you die. Truly in death we live.

Avoid the Fake Life

2010-04-22T17:58:00.000+01:00

At the gym today, I had a very interesting conversation with a ‘gym friend’ and it was about living a fake life or the fake lives that some women live. My gym friend was alarmed at what happened in the company of their friend just the day before. We did not discuss the friend but the friend’s habit was bothering her and she asked me if she was crazy to think that her friend is living a fake life.
She said her friend vowed to pay out her ‘credit bills ‘ equals ‘gbese’ in this part of the world incurred from purchase of jewelry. When they got to the dealer/seller of ravishing gold jewelry, her friend not only paid up what she was owing, she ended up incurring two times (2x) the original debt. By the time they left, the friend was in debt to the tune of $14,000 and she has only come in to pay off one under $10,000. She said it was appalling. As they left the place, it got her thinking about such vain hobby aka vanity. She wondered when her friend will wear all the jewelry that she acquires. Then she said something very interesting, she said she told her friend that men do not notice these jewelry.
At that point I butted in saying, “Oh no! No woman wears such jewelry for a man to see or notice but they were it for other women to notice and as far as they are concerned, it places them in a class. It is a status statement.
I do not begrudge anyone who has the money to deck themselves up in gold and diamonds but to live perpetually in debt is a like living in self made prison without knowing it. I can understand getting into debt for the right reasons including paying school fees or hospital bills but one hears all sorts or ridiculous things people do to belong. Belong to what? Summer is fast approaching and people will take loans to travel for summer because ‘everyone travels for summer’. Who is the everyone that travels? Travels to where? Where did this fake living come from? We are all of a sudden defined by the jewelry or the designer bag that we wear and carry.
There is nothing wrong with luxury goods and there are people that all they know is luxury goods. They have never carried or worn anything less even if their parents looted the national treasury to give them the fake life but that is all they know but to now follow them and live in debt so that you can attend the same party with them and look like them is a calamity.
I was going to say that people should know that they can put such resources into other causes but anyone who is this shallow to dwell and think only about what to deck this mortal body with cannot and will not be able to understand living for something that has more meaning.
So I said to my gym friend, we need to be thinking about what value to add. What contributions to make to mankind to leave this place better than we have met it. We immediately moved to other treadmill kind of gist… our health, what are eating and the result of her recent health assessment. It was a much more edifying conversation than the fake life of people.

Much ado about nothing... the story of the zazu dress

2010-03-20T23:45:00.002+01:00

I hardly write about very personal things and events but this is too hilarious to pass. It was Thursday night about 11.30pm when husband handed me a package. I opened it, and saw a print fabric of very funny unusual color of lemon and purple. I am a black and white person so little colors blind me. I immediate asked what for and he said it is the uniform outfit (aso-ebi) for the reception he sent me the invitation sms earlier in the day. I said “Oh the one I replied saying that I did not know the family or the sender”. He proceeded to tell me the history and the connection with his family how they all grew up together. Compelling story! This reception is for the 40th day remembrance of their father’s death.
All said, I reminded him that it is Thursday night and that the reception is on Saturday afternoon barely 36 hours to the event. I asked how come we are just getting the fabric and how on earth are we going to get it ready and wear it to the event by Saturday? Husband reminded me that there is something called express service by tailor. I said ok. Come morning, I quickly called the only fashion designer/dress maker I know and she said it is doable and gave me one ridiculous price. In my mind, I said, no way!! But not wanting to make light of the importance of this event, I headed out.
Measurement taken, styled discussed and agreed, I left. Next day (am) which is the event day, dress maker called to say dress is ready and will be delivered within the hour. I thanked her profusely in addition to the exorbitant price I was going to pay. True to her word, the dress arrived, as I held it up, I knew there was problem. I quickly tried it on; it was at least two sizes bigger. The waistline was right on top of my bum (you can figure where the end of the dress will be and it is a floor length dress). My older son could not stop laughing. Too late, I have to wear it to the event so everyone had suggestions. At last we all agreed that I should use a big belt to hold the middle of the dress to my waistline (get the picture??). Tried out two belts and we settled for one. With the belt holding the middle of the dress, the two shoulders were drooping and neck changed from u to w. But somehow I can wear it so I called the dressmaker and told her that the dress is not mine but I will have to wear it to the event. I twisted, turned in front of the mirror over and over again to see if there is a way that I can accept it and not feel conscious of it, I found none. The only thing that came to my mind was that it looked like the zazu dress I read in a book a long time ago.
It was about mid-day by now and the hours sped by. I had to read the sms again and it said reception was starting at 2pm. Husband was hunched over laptop and making calls on and off. I was busy with my usual activities, school work with the children, lunch and stuff. I finally settled on my laptop to get some work done. About 3.40pm, husband announces that we should be leaving in another 30 minutes.
I quickly went to change and I even put on two eye shadow colors to compliment the colors of the dress… so was my enthusiasm to make this dress work. We headed out about 4.15pm. 15 to 20 minutes into the traffic which will take at least another 15 to 20 minutes to go through, my sister in-law calls to find out where we were. We told her we were on our way and she said not to bother because the party is almost over and will be very over by the time we get there.
I thought “how great!” Said nothing. Felt nothing. Picked up my pen and wrote this story… so much ado about nothing!!!

The case for mentoring

2010-03-18T17:54:00.000+01:00

There is quite a bit being said these days and a number of stuff flying around the whole place on mentoring. I was talking with a fellow parent in school a couple of days ago and she wanted to know what I do. I said that I am an HR professional but currently involved with career and life coaching and that I also train groups and organizations on leadership and managerial effectiveness as well as coaching and mentoring in workplace.
She said that a lady had approached her in church to ask her to mentor her as she is getting into business. She asked me if I have a coach. I said I needed a coach when I was making the transition from 8 -9 as internal consultant to independent service provider. Anyway, she has always worked for herself so this lady wanted her to coach her as she begins the arduous journey of self employment.
On my way home from this meeting, I was reviewing all the conversations and even the meeting we went for (something that I learnt to do over the years) Now I do not even think of it… once I leave a meeting or had a conversation, my mind automatically goes into a debrief mood. It occurred to me that people choose mentors without consideration. I do believe that a successful person will be flocked around by people wanting to know how he or she did it but mentoring goes beyond that.
What do you consider before you choose someone as your mentor? What do you want to get out of the relationship? When you go to someone and say, “please I want you to mentor me”, what exactly do you want this person to do for you? What about this person did you see, hear, read or encounter that convinces you that he or she could be your mentor.
There are structured organizational coaching and mentoring programs which is somewhat different from what I am writing about here. In this type of program, there is a schedule to follow, the results and activities are monitored and measured. It is part of a wider development program or succession planning.
When someone comes to you and asks if you can ‘mentor’ him or her, what exactly is that person asking of you? Is there a general understanding of what and how and result? Before you say yes to a mentoring request, please seek to understand what is being asked. Ask yourself whether you will be able to give what is being asked? First and most importantly, do you have anything to offer? Do you have the time to provide mentoring? Do you have the resources to guide and support the required development of the mentor seeker?
When we are approached by someone asking that we mentor them, it is beyond the ‘feel good’ feeling we get. It is tasking. It is time consuming. So before you rattle out the next yes to such request, ask yourself if you have anything within because you cannot give what you do not have.

Dealing with the pain of job loss

2010-03-12T16:59:00.000+01:00

No doubt there are a lot of angry and bitter people out there now following the recent waves of job losses blowing around the country, the globe and across sectors. Recent wave of job losses have been either from early retirement, retrenchment, severance, reduction … no matter what term is being used, losing a job hurts and it hurts real bad. Job loss has been credited as one of the highest ranking stress inducers of our time. Each story you hear seem to be worse than the previous one… all very pathetic.
Like every other loss, time is a good healer; the only problem with the loss of a job is that the victims have no time. Let me explain, if you have recently lost your job or in the process of losing it (because the exercise will continue until there is a major turnaround in the economy and there are no predictions that it will be soon), you have no time to mop and cry and feel sorry for yourself, you need to get up and get going. You need to ask yourself a number of self evaluator questions or seek the help of a life coach to help you through the process. However, no matter what you want to do, you have to first deal with the anger and resentment that you feel in the inside about losing your job.
Understanding why you were laid is primary to dealing with the anger and bitterness of severance. If you are not totally clear as to why your company laid you off or why you were asked to leave, then it will be a lot more difficult dealing with the anger. However, No matter how it was explained to you, the result is the same. Job loss can have a profound effect on your emotional well being. There is a typical cycle that most people experience. This cycle includes denial, anger, frustration, self pity and eventually adaptation. Because people are identified with what they do, a job loss looks like their identity have been taken away from them and self doubt is the first thing that sets in.
Let it sink in… accept it! Do not live in denial and do not go on with the blame game.
Talk about it… share the burden. Find someone you trust and if you have mentor, this is a good time to get together with the person. Get a life coach. Talk to someone who will listen.
Being laid off can be a trigger for something good to happen to you. It is important for you to see that it could be an opportunity for you to pursue your dreams that you have been putting on hold simply because you were comfortable with a monthly salary. This is the time to get back inside and use the strengths you have to do something.
Before you do anything, make sure you have resolved the anger within you about being laid off, forgiven anyone and everyone (if you think you have been victimized) or else it continue to hunt you and become a barrier for moving forward.

Showing a little kindness to strangers and to all

2010-03-04T19:25:00.000+01:00

Most cultures have a history of showing kindness to foreigners and strangers. The African culture boasts of kindness to strangers and some nations such as Nigeria lists hospitality as one of its strengths and a major factor in tourism attraction. I guess that was before the Niger Delta militants started its kidnapping and abducting spree and also before Abdul Multallab decided to blow up a plane full of innocent strangers and for some inexplicable reason such evil has become the face of Nigeria. Whatever happened to our kindness and hospitality? Even within us as a nation, we are weary of showing kindness because of the horror stories and events. ..
The bible is full of admonitions and instructions about treating strangers and foreigners with kindness. It was with amazement that I read that God remanded the Israelites to be kind to foreigners and strangers because they were once strangers in the land of Egypt before He showed them mercy. He even instructed them not to pick up grains that fall down in the fields during harvest and to purposely leave some crops unharvested so that strangers and foreigners passing through can have something to eat.
Most of us travel to other countries on vacations, adventures, business, you name it and we never quite forget any genuine act of kindness that we are shown on our journeys whether it is a kind man or woman giving a helping hand with kids or luggage or helping someone navigate the streets of an unknown city.
I recently read of an American lady travelling alone through Jordan and Jerusalem who took ill and was gravely sick in the bus and a singular act of kindness from an old woman who disrupted her own destination to take the sick lady to a convent saved the tourist’s life.
The stories and the people who take advantage of peoples’ acts of kindness abound and these are the reason for the seemingly insensitivity of people these days towards the needy and strangers. People set out to target and exploit others who show kindness and compassion. I will never forget one mid-say coming back from a meeting, I saw a young woman in her late 20s or early 30s carrying a mid-sized plastic basin crying and wailing on the street. I wondered what could make such healthy woman and by all indication not crazy crying so openly. I asked the driver to stop and we had gone past a little bit, I insisted that he reversed; I got out of the car and asked the lady what the problem was. She cried even louder and told me how all the egg she was asked to go and deliver had all broken when she tripped and fell. I asked who she was delivering for and she said her aunt and how her aunt will definitely make a minced meat out of her and will not pay her for several months. I asked her how much the egg was and she said something like N7,000 and coincidentally I had some cash on me that day clearly for a payment because I never really carry lose cash as I operate tightly on budget but this day I had cash so I went back into the car, counted the money and gave this lady. I headed back to the office not even thinking about it again.
You can imagine my shock when the very next week and I mean the next week, I saw this same lady in another part of the city in the same act. I got out of the car and quietly got to her and said “how many eggs have you broken today” anger and disappointment obviously showing in my voice. There were a few people around and when she recognized me, she took off with such speed that the onlookers thought I was some kind of law enforcement agent. I stood there for what seemed like forever even though it was for a few brief minutes, shook my head and walked away.
Should we then stop showing compassion and kindness one may ask? No! Life’s journey is about giving and kindness we show to each other as we trod along.

What's looks got to do with it?

2010-02-23T23:17:00.003+01:00

I never thought that I will be writing something like this and actually seriously making a point that looks has everything to do with it.
We were told growing up that brain power is really the key to doors opening re\; getting employed. We were told that employers and interviewers were always looking for smart intelligent people and we believed it. The only thing else was to dress properly for interviews, do your homework as in find out about the company bla bla. I guess those work still but I think everyone does that anyway so now what else will separate you from the lot…
Background… the corporate world is changed a whole lot in the last couple of years say the last 5 to 10 years and rapidly changing too. The management and executives of companies are drastically and dramatically younger and have the rules sometimes upside down. Right or wrong, (that is a debate I will not get into) the factors of consideration are expanded to include unwritten ones… and the ones that no one will tell you.
Remember what you were told about impression? Exactly, exhume confidence, poise and “I am it” look… so now we get to looks
Mnnh! Mnhh! , let me think…. Looks? People will argue this until thy kingdom come (is it really God’s kingdom we are referring to here… I am not sure) that it makes little or difference but I can confidently say that it makes a lot of difference. Oh boy! It sure makes a difference. Looks? You ask again… yes I say emphatically. What looks… enhanced natural looks on a very thin body cladded in tight designer outfit . Get the picture? Once they step in some interviewers forget the prepared questions and only ask “When can you start?”
I was on a recruitment fair once and believe me a lady walked in and it was like a lightning struck instantly and I was the only female in a panel of 5. My interviewing colleagues all instantly developed lumps in their throat and you should have seen the sheepish smile on their faces…
I remember thinking, not all candidates are going to be miss something before coming for an interview… but I truly believe that if you are serious about getting a job, in addition to your “second to none” resume, if you are overweight and shabbily dressed with dreadful hair… not a lot of people will be patient enough to find out what you have upstairs except you are coming on a strong referral.
One more point, the parameters of beauty have also been adjusted so broadly speaking everyone is beautiful or can become beautiful if the right clothes are worn, the right makeup is applied and the accessories are attached … so as you can see, everyone still stands a chance of being employed only brain power now need some serious support.

Fashion Lost in Translation

2010-01-26T17:38:00.003+01:00

Let me begin by stating upfront that the title of this posting is not originally mine. A young friend of mine who is like a little brother lives in the UK and visited home last Christmas and among his description of all that he observed upon arrival depicting that the aircraft landed in the right place - Lagos, Nigeria included this title...fashion lost in transition. It hit home when I read the text although I did not probe to find out what he saw that warranted the expression, it captured the fuzziness and confusion that had engulfed me about certain fashions and trends I have observed in recent times.

A couple of years ago, I recall going through the same confusion and wondered why I could not understand the fashion of boots in Lagos Nigeria. I recall it was about 2004/2005 or earlier, cannot quite remember now but there was a boot craze...work, church every where and some of them quite "out of fashion". In the countries where boot wearing is not just a fashion but a necessity and a tradition, there are boot "no dos" and "boot no go areas"... ankle boots has the stated clothes sytle you are to wear it with and so is knee high boot and all the other styles. When this fashion hit the Nigerian scene, there were no rules... anything went. I asked myself if the boot wearers knew that boot is actually a check for cold but my sister explained it to me as she would explain a lot more things about fashion in Nigeria to me. She said "weather has no part in our fashion here in Nigeria... if the trend is on, we just follow it, we do not ask questions or care about weather".

And so the boot came and went. Maybe it is is still being worn or maybe not but I do not get to see them anymore. Now you can imagine my confusion and apparent fashion ignorance a couple of months ago, I think about mid year 2009 when again my eyes were confronted with another fashion trend that I could not interpret. I am neither a society person nor a fashionista so it takes a while for me to know what is the trend... and I only know when the ordinary person or people have joined the band wagon and this group includes even the young girls selling in the open market.

On this bright sunny Friday of either July or August, I had bounced into the local branch of a bank to make some payments and noticed that every (I mean every...no exception) lady in the bank was wearing a sweater vest on a shirt. This bank is knowm for some strange people policies and because I do not typically go to the bank and have not been for over a year prior, I assumed right away that it was "the bank uniform". I truly concluded that maybe Friday casual was a major issue for them so they arrived at the sweater vest on a shirt worn over a pair of trousers. Such was my ignorance and such was my inability to make sense of the "uniform" especially since the bank was not that cold.

That weekend, I ran my observation by my sister again (she is a lot more fashion forward looking than myself) and I said "you know Bank so and so now have uniform for their employees" I even took offence in relaying this issue because I said it was only the women who had to wear this "uniform". When I was done describing it, she burst out laughing... boy did she laugh? I did not know what the laughter was about so I joined thinking she was thinking what I was thinking which was "how absurd" but nay, alas she was laughing at me and my fashion ignorance. She said it is no uniform but the fashion for a while now. I was lost...believe me, totally lost. I said "I must have been 'gone' too long. A couple weeks later, the church choir showed up with the same uniform... At this point, I gave up.

Now you know why when my young friend sent a text saying he knew he was home when he interpreted what he saw as fashion lost in translation made a whole sense to me and even more.

Whatever happened to new year resolutions

2010-01-20T17:37:00.003+01:00

Typically, in January people talk about the new year resolutions that they have made and try to push or strive to live or achieve it. Over the years, people have equated new year resolutions with a change in lifestyle:
* I will eat better... reduce or totally skip junk food
* I will exercise more and lose weight
* I will change for the better, so something differently bla bla
* I will quit smoking, I will go to the gym etc The list is endless. No wonder it is dying a natural death because such resolutions seem to fade or wane in weeks and people are tired of failing and disappointing themselves each year but that is not the gist of this piece. I have noticed that people are no longer announcing their new year resolutions and it can only mean that either people are not making new year resolutions anymore or it is no longer a January affair.

It may also mean that people are a lot more concerned with survival in the face of the global depression to worry about little things like new year resolutions. In my opinion, people should make the decision to be better, to contribute more to the society or community at any point in their life when the conviction hit them and not just at the end of the year. I believe that year end has a natural way of getting us to review and take stock of our lives which is usually why resolutions seem to be the natural end of the review process. But in present times, the magnitude of social and economic change in the world affords no one time to wait to make necessary adjustment for survival. In the past, change in business and social life was incremental and people could even operate on autopilot but not any more.

Consequently, we find ourselves in a time starved and extremely overstressed society today that daily review is probably what is required of us. Undoubtedly, there are new rules in the game of life and the way understand and play by these rules determines where we end up...winner or loser. Imagine then waiting for year end to make resolutions or decisions that are critical for you to survive...

All said, taking inventory of our lives is important, if you can only do it at year end... somethings may be late but it is a start...you are better than the man who does nothing but alas it is not enough. We need to constantly ask ourselves what we can do differently and how we can help others along the way and not wait for year end and the next January.

Rare glimpse into genuine love

2010-01-15T23:37:00.002+01:00

I just thought that I must write about this event where I had the opportunity to witness what I call “rare declaration of true and genuine feeling”. I have always said that when it comes to public events like parties, weddings and funerals, mostly funerals, people do not hesitate to declare love for the dead person. After all, it is either regret for not telling the person while alive or to impress the living. Whatever the reason, I always take the outpouring of love for the dead with a pinch of salt.

We all have either heard of someone or have witnessed it ourselves where the dead person while alive really suffered and sometimes was so emotionally dealt with or abandoned by the so called loved ones and when the person passes to the great beyond, the eulogy is something else. Read the papers and you will see all sorts of spousal abuse… that is what I am talking about. But this piece is not about the dead; on the contrary it is about the living.

A couple of weekends ago, a friend of mine had a birthday party but the interesting thing is not the party, it is the hubby of this my friend. We are friends because our kids are best friends so they (the kids) forced us into friendship but they are one of the loveliest couples one can encounter and they are ordinary people. (Of course if they are my friends they can only be ordinary people).

My friend, auntie O and Mrs B was also having a thanksgiving because just weeks before, she had a surgery that went awry (in God’s own countryooo) but God was present as ever to show who He has always been …God and what He has always been… faithful. When the complication developed following a “simple surgery” she had to be opened up again and again and go under general anaesthetics three times within two weeks, she asked for her husband.

When she was telling me the story of this procedure, sending for her husband did not hit me like a major bullet but on this party/thanksgiving day when her husband recounted the whole thing, I still did not get it until I got home from the party and was reflecting on the whole event. The husband had to make a speech (as I think spouses do on such occasions) and he said some interesting things. He said he loves his wife, he mentioned actions, events and everyday things that show that he does to show it and how his wife merits everything. This may sound ordinary, but the way he said it, there was a genuineness that I had not seen in a very long time actually I do not think I have ever seen it. There were no flowery words, there were no smart choice of words…everything was real and so very real.

Her sister drove it home for me… my friend sent for her husband because “If he is there, then she is more than likely to pull through”… do you get the picture now? Her strength was failing her… her husband was who she must have around. No surprises, the guy arrived and said, the picture was scary…he just left the theatre to face the wall and plead his case to God.

This couple have renewed my hope in the ability for humans to really love and genuinely too.

Getting back into shape

2009-11-23T22:31:00.003+01:00

It is amazing how one year or a little over one year (to be quite honest) can make such a huge difference. No, it is not the fifty-two pounds that I gained during my pregnancy(yes there is no typo there, it is a whooping 52 pounds that I put on in the 9 months period). It is the inability to return to exercise that I am referring to here. So with my new look (looking a little like an oversized hippo) I returned to the gym and this time to a different gym from the one I had gone to for decades. The decision was not an easy one... can you beat that? I even agonized over which gym to go to. I agonize over a lot of things come to think of it.

I will spare you all the laughter and the alarm on my self appointed trainer at the gym when he saw me. He was shocked, shocked and then very shocked but when he was convinced that he was actually looking at me, he allowed himself a hearty laughter and wandered how that could ever happen. You can imagine how I must have felt... although I knew I was big, I just did not realize how bad. But I had my son to show for it so I could not be very bothered. I was also internally aware of the work that I will have to do only I really really under estimated how hard that work will turn out to be. I thought, since I had gone that road before and recovered, I will do it again. Mmmhhh!!! I forgot the age factor.

The most amazing is not only that I was out of shape,I was out of rythm. Believe it or not step aerobics had taken a leap into the future while I was gone and everything that I know is like less than basic. Even the moves that I knew before seem to even have all been renamed with terms from space. So we have this class called step revolution and it is pure revolution. I am still trying to figure things out... you can only experience it to know what I mean. There are a number of ladies who really are good at his hyped revolution and they seem to me like step super stars.

The highlight of this mesmerizing moves came a couple of weeks ago... I was down on the treadmill slugging it out when I saw another lady who stays at the back row with me in this revolution class and we are birds of the same feather...only I do not really get so tired whether I get the moves or not but this my friend has the gift of panting 15 minutes into the class (you would think she had been working out for 60 minutes). So I said to my friend "I did not see you in the class today" and she responded " that class makes me dizzy so I am never going to be doing that step class anymore". That sent me reeling... No doubt some of those twists and turns are for aliens not humans but some alien humans have been getting them.

In my estimation, I thought I was really good but so far, that has not been the case. It keeps getting better but some moves really look like michael Jackson's moonwalk and totally out of this world. However, it really shows that no matter how good we think we are at something, there is still a lot more we do not know. So now I am poised to see how I can join the aliens who are way into the future in the name of step aerobics.

Return to the Blogger world

2009-11-21T08:43:00.003+01:00

I was not sure when I was going to say this: "I am back". It has been two long years since my last posting.

In those two years, quite a lot has happened. A lot of ups and a lot of downs as would be in anyone's life. I believe that it has been more ups than downs.

I have been getting emails from my regular readers asking about when I will be back and to please start blogging again. I really want to thank all of you for hanging in there while I was on the unannounced break.

While I have not been blogging, I have been taking occasional forays into my favorite bloggers site and some have even signed off finally from the blog world. Calabar gal will be sorely missed. I am sure she is writing in another medium.

As I mentioned earlier, a lot has happened... I got older and wiser in the last two years (obvious right?), you will be surprised that wisdom has nothing to do with the calendar years. I had another baby boy and I have been busy nuturing him in his first year of life. That was very life changing...each child is life changing when he or she arrives. Did I mention that Obama also became president while I was gone and Michael Jackson passed... who would have beleived those two years ago?

I believe that things happen to us for a reason and sometimes it is never quite clear at the time it is happening. Secondly, we are fools if we never learn from our experiences and experiences of others.

I will do my best to share some of my experiences with you and hear your comments.

Thank you all again for hanging around and believing that I will be back someday...

How do we deal with pain hurt and life’s challenges?

2007-11-12T17:30:00.000+01:00

This morning I was thinking of how it is possible or at least how people claim that they ‘quickly get over an unpleasant experience…accidents, mishaps, loss of a loss one, death of a child (I consider this extremely traumatic), loss of lbody part (hand, leg, eyes) and the like and move on. I hear them on Oprah shows, I read them up in books. They all make it sound so very easy and ‘doable’. The ‘doable’ part I am inclined to believe but then no one really emphasizes the anger and the relatively slow process of getting that anger away before even we can talk of acceptance.

I hear, “I had to accept that and move on”. I think sometimes it is very ‘rational’ and the word is ‘rational’ to accept some things and explain it out to yourself to enable you come to a healing and an acceptance. This is not the normal type thing. A couple of months ago, I was listening to a woman whose 3 kids I think nominated as their hero. They live out of Texas and were victims of that hurricane whatever it was called that ripped part of the city about 2 years ago.

The irony of this story is that this woman’s husband is a firefighter has gone off on a rescue mission duty when it was announced that the hurricane will be passing their home… he called his wife who said she has heard and plans to take whatever safety measure could be taken because it was very short notice and not time to evacuate or leave at all.

Shortly afterwards the hurricane ‘passed through’ and ripped everything and leveled everything called structure down while they were in the basement I believe. The woman sheltered his three children with her body and she was hit and I mean really hit and today she is paralyzed as a result of that from the waist down. I really did cry seeing her on TV and listening to her story. My first reaction was “I will do the same” and I know thousands of mothers who would do the same (I am not sure I want to say all mothers will do the same). I then asked myself, how will I accept this tragedy? I think I will look at the my kids unharmed and thank Almighty God and I think I will accept the tragedy faster and easier than if I was just hit in an office for instance or had an accident at age 40 and paralyzed now with 3 kids to take care of.

What am I trying to say? I guess I am saying that acceptance of changes, traumatic changes and incidents in our lives can be quite hard to accept and that self help therapist and books make it sound a little easy as if some of us who are angry for a while and struggle to come to terms with it over a long period are not doing well. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is of the same Pentecostal faith with me on a recent experience that I had. I was saying that I was struggling so hard and was wondering why God allowed that to happen and I said that as a Christian it was a lot easier to deal with it because I still have to cry out to this same God who is my anchor and since I am in full knowledge of His word concerning passing through rough times, I am comforted by those but it does not take away the hurt and it does not take away my ‘human response’ to this situation.

I think that when we have a very shaking, traumatic experience or incident in our lives we should not let people talk us into this ‘accept and move on’ and if we are not doing that, we think there is something wrong with us. I am not staying we should stay there and wallow in our pain and self pity. Truly that can be very destructive but I am saying that for some people it will take a week and for some people it will take a year. The important thing is to know that you are ‘working on it’ and know when to get help if you are not the bible clinging and God holding person. I also think it is okay to get angry. I hate when people say, I was not angry and there is no need for you to get angry…there is need…it happened to you and you alone know the pain you are going through and you alone wet your pillows at night or cry in the seclusion of your toilet (at least those are my two weeping spots) but the tears are not tears of helplessness or self pity they are usually tears of pain that you are going through and the tears reduce the heaviness in your heart. The tears help you mourn the loss.

Okido…no matter what you are going through today, no matter what you are struggling with, it is important to know that God will not let it come your way if He will not be there to carry you or hold your hands through it. Do not berate yourself if you are still crying about it long after everyone thinks you should have stopped crying. In any of such situations, there is a good side, sometimes in our tears we cannot see it but it is there…because God always sends the sun no matter how long and how hard the rain falls.

Madeline, Jena 6 and O.J. Simpson

2007-09-23T21:42:00.000+01:00

Honestly, I am tired of giving excuses as if I am the only with so much going on in her life. Henceforth, I will jut put up a bold face when i have taken a long break from blogging or even visiting favorite blogsites...

There has been just so much I wanted to write about but never got round to doing anything...I am almost ending up like the people I counsel and tell not to just think of doing it but go ahead and take some action.

Madeline Mcain
First I wanted to express my shock and continuous disbelief that Madeline Mcain's parents have anything to do with her disappearance. If this is proven, I am sure to lose all faith in human race (not that I have that much faith)...I am one of the people who believe that the police have not been able to solve this and are just looking for something to hang on. It has to be. Does anyone think differently? How come this issue is even showing up on my blogsite among everything else that I want to talk about? I guess, I am greatly puzzled by the recent or rather the last turn out of events in this matter.

Jena 6
Secondly, I have been very worried about the Jena 6...the six black high school students imprisoned and facing trial for 'attempted murder' of a white boy...yes indeed. The events leading up to the beating now renamed "attempted murder" is most disturbing. Can you imagine in the year 2007 that there is a tree in a school that only 'white boys can sit on'... wonders will never end I tell you!!! The things that still go on in America are mind boggling and they want to solve the problem of the rest of the world when they have not even been able to resolve their domestic problem...talk about freedom and defence of freedom.

I like President bush no matter what anyone says but to think that there is something like this going on in the US in this year and age and he is busy defending democracy and freedom of mankind in middle east (he has very little interest in Africa...) is something that he should stop and ponder...guys tell me where to send advise to so that he can see what I really think about this Jena 6 issue.

O.J Simpson
How much and how far can a man be a fool. I really do not want to call any man made by God a fool but Oj sure qualifies now really. How can O.J whom the whole of America (which is equal to the whole world in the eyes of americans) think that he is guilty ever imagine that he can play the last joke on himself and get away with it. Without joining any school of thought, I think he is a fool. How could he walk into such set up? I am waiting to see how this unfolds. They have been lurking around him waiting for him to even sneeze with the wrong nose so that he can be jailed then he had the guts to play some pranks with or without gun...although no one has said he was carrying any gun yet but some one in his gang group had 'weapon'. Not only did he put focus on himself recently with "If I did it" book which reopened wounds in people's mind and soul...he now decided to act like a high school boy. If you ask me, something is really wrong with the guy.

Now that I have ranted off all the things that I have been thinking about that are all problems of "the world" maybe I can now focus on my own issues. Tii hee!!!

Homeless to Harvard

2007-09-01T15:50:00.000+01:00

Something I have always believed and preach is that we all have a choice to what we want to be and who we become. Personally, I think though that some people are able to come to this “point of decision” very early in life and some quite late and some never do.

I watched a movie that touched the core of my heart and soul yesterday titled “Homeless to Harvard” and it brought home this very truth. The question I pondered though was "how possible is it to make this decision early enough before it is too late?" How come some people are focused from birth and others float and others get to be kicked and pushed towards making something meaningful out of their lives and the ones that never do blame God, society, parents sometimes even siblings for taking the entire love that their parents had for all. I have seen and heard so many ridiculous excuses and reasons why people ended up being a problem to society and disgrace to God who sent them here but that is a topic for another.

We certainly do have a choice of what we become and what we make of of our lives. We are responsible to ourselves and for whatever decisions we make. It is often disheartening to hear people say “I had no choice”…there is always a choice open to us. Without getting religious about this, because I was going to quote the bible that says there are always two doors open to us…let me skip that now…we do have a choice. We make and have made some poor choices in life (I have at least) but we have also opportunity if we have life to make a “U” turn and do the right thing.

Sometimes people say “too much water has passed under the bridge’ so what? You are still not drowning under that bridge are you? If you can discern that too much water has passed under the bridge, then you can make some adjustments. In this movie, this girl “turned herself homeless” although she could say “I had no choice” but from my point of view there was really no difference between her home and the streets that she chose. Her mother and her father are both under drugs and are HIV positive…her mother in addition was legally blind and was dying …how homeless can one become? She loved both parents and wished that they made better choices but I never heard a word or a tone of condemnation of judgment... a big lesson for me.

The turning point of the movie and her life was when she like the prodigal son of the bible decided it was time to make a change and determined that no matter what she will make the desired changed. She started knocking on “closed doors” and insisting that those doors be opened to her. She also realized that she has wasted her time and her life and was determined to pay the ‘debt”. Now that is one thing that is tough. Some of us even when we have decided to make the change will like to wish the consequences of our mistakes and poor decisions away. It is usually the bitter pill that we find so difficult to manage. She took 10 courses per term (killing herslef like the teacher said)…finished 4 years high school program in two years because she wasted her years on the street (all still homeless)…and in her words “Now I am going to college and Wall Street Journal is paying”…she actually got the most coveted scholarship and went to Harvard.

What is stopping you from becoming who and what you dream to be??

The annoying interpretations and categorizations

2007-08-24T04:26:00.000+01:00

Honestly I am getting a bit weary of the labels that are put on women… Before I go any further, let me make it clear that I am not a feminist whatever that means and I am not a female folk advocate… I like men and can demonstrate that… I like men in all their glory… but truly, it is getting annoying a bit when you hear all the categories and pressure groups and labels that are put on women.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend. My friend is a gentleman of 77 years…yes 77 (no typo here) although when he talks he sounds and I guess he assumes that he is still 35. My friend is ‘single’…whatever that means. I have known him now for 12 years and my son thinks he is the oldest person in the whole universe… he is Srilankan and very hairy… all hairs are pure white not just gray so he looks a sight…(he will kill me if he ever reads this piece. The last time we saw him was 2 years or so ago in Lagos. He used to live in Washington DC but moved back home last year…we ran into him during this vacation and he invited me out for lunch.

Over lunch he was telling me about his time in Srilanka…he plays golf for life now…and he was ‘lamenting’ about how the women are all over him…(go figure) and I said “really…tell me more” and he went on about how the town is full of divorced women in their 50s and 60s looking for ‘single men like him’…who they want for companions.

It was like something went off in my head… I said how come it is only women who are always desperate at every stage of our lives?? In our 30s and 40s we are desperate for marriage so we are always supposed to be ‘avoided’… then again 50s and 60s it is no longer that we desperately want to get married…now we desperately want a companion…how come we are always wanting something from men. How about men?? Don’t they get desperate at some point?? Are they not human??

Really this is not about being a woman and wanting to protect women, I believe that we are whole beings and complete at every stage of our lives. If we get married, it is because both men and women have a need for each other. I do not believe that one gender needs the marriage more than the other. Given that women have put some time constraint to when this should happen but that is ‘man made’. God has a plan for each of us male or female, married or single. I just think that people should stop putting labels on any particular gender under whatever categorization…age, size, height etc. A man desires companionship just like a woman and same goes for marriage. Hopefully, my friend got the message and like I said, I am not a feminist but it hurts to think that at every stage our lives as women we are “out for something”.

A smile from the heart

2007-08-14T17:02:00.000+01:00

We have all experienced, witnessed if not received a great smile at some point in our lives from someone…it is the kind of smile that radiates warmth, love and real honest appreciation …especially when you receive it for nothing except crossing the givers path to merit it.

This morning as I went for my run, I experienced one of those smiles. I have a couple of running routes and I kind of alternate them not on any formal arrangement but when I get out in the morning, I head one way or the other… sometimes I run the same route two or three days in a row…depending on how I feel (some routes are easier…less hills). Anyway, this morning, there were these two elderly women I saw on my way up the “hill” and they were coming from the opposite direction. The first thought that went through my mind was that I certainly will like to have a friend to call up about 6:30 am to say “it is time for our walk” when I am in my 60s and beyond.

It was obvious that this is something they do often. They were relaxed and purposeful in their movements (yes I could tell and see all these within the short period) because I had time looking at them as I was running up to them. However, they were on the other side of the road so I had no very close contact. This route is like a crescent…circular…so running around you can meet same people again and again and this was what happened.

I ran into two the two lovely ladies and this time on the same side of the road and one of them gave me a wave and I looked up and the smile I received was unexpected, unprecedented and straight from the heart. I was not only happy and returned the smile but it made a deep impression right away and it occurred to me that I cannot remember the last time if ever I have received such a great smile…. Mine must have screamed “thank you” thank you very much”…”you have made my day” actually it blessed my day. The effect of this smile stayed with me all day and I remember and visualize the elderly but fresh face filled with that smile and even now that I write I am still amazed as I did not know or rather have not experienced such profound effect from just a smile.

I am not saying that we should smile sheepishly at people (like those stale and frigid smiles on London underground) but a true smile from the heart can make a person’s day (it made mine) and help them on the life’s journey (even if it is for a short while). Looking this woman, I also came to the conclusion that some people have this and they effortlessly offer it…it is a way of life. Now, you cannot give what you do not have and for such smiles to come from within…the heart must be at peace not necessarily without burden or care but at peace with who you are, at peace with where you are and at peace with where you are headed…

Give a smile today…

Looking gorgeous is serious business

2007-08-11T17:01:00.000+01:00

Looking gorgeous (must have different definitions) is serious business…no matter the point you view it from. Yesterday, I went out to the mall (an upscale mall) two stops away from Pentagon…

I like to go to that part of the city not only because I get to pass the well dressed military men of God’s own county…looking impeccable and well groomed in their uniforms, I get to see all sorts of good looking and well dressed and not-so-well-dressed people as well…

Today though a gorgeous 40 something (at least by my estimation) may be older but not less bounced into the food court with this guy (both of them in obvious gym outfit…definitely coming out of the gym)…the lady only in sports bra (but this is summer and summer I America…anything goes)… )… baring this “want to kill abs and midribs …they exhume “I have just had a great work out”…and heads did turn…men and women alike…some admiration, some jealousy, others envy and some sheer lust… Moi, I was…mhh! To have this look, I gotta kill myself since I am definitely not having any intrusion…(remember my earlier piece on this?)

All of us were having a hearty meal and guess where these two people strolled to? Mr Smoothie…all fresh and organic…fruits only stand…No wonder I said to myself and they unassumingly strolled out again with their smoothie of orange, and other exotic fruits…Yours truly I continued with my carry out from Panda express of hearty bourbon chicken and mixed vegetables…told myself “you are not doing badly at least it is not pizza or burger… you know what I mean? But suffice it to say that it cured me of the frapuccino that I was going to go for at the starbucks stand once I was done with my food. Instead, I drank up my water and headed out feeling like the 40 something lady with a killer body even though I can feel the excess fats and spare tires bulging out and going up and down…my excuses has been old age catching up on me but that must be lame excuses … don’t you think???

So now, I am on a mission to tone, trim and firm …gotta look gorgeous only it looks like it will be a whole lot of work…wish me luck!!!

Back with a vengeance

2007-08-06T18:35:00.000+01:00

Oh my God...I do not even know where to start...I kind of think that I have forgotten blogging except that I have been looking forward to this time...yes! yes! and full fist yes!!! I have sometime off work and I will devote most of this time to keep this site up to date and to share the many things that have been going on these weeks, months that I hardly posted anything here.

I am on vacation...whose idea is it anyway to head west at this time of the year? How come everyone is asking "where are you off this summer?" Believe it or not, summer is now a season in Nigeria. I mentioned this in my earlier blogs...and come to think of it, this is site is a year...how time flies but I will be making my anniversary blog post later not today. Anyway, it is so hot out here that it makes the Niger sun and heat a child's play oh at least I do not live up north in Abuja and Sokoto so I cannot compare adequately...

Tired of answering the questions, and also finally getting the draining project that I have been on in some form of order and closure, it was time to take a breathing space and attend to other matters of interest and well being. So, I planned a vacation...yea yea yea...pappee is with me but he is in a summer camp...which is good and I get to do some fun things...run in the moring, come home and crash in front of Tv watching daytime soaps and opening books in front of me and thinking I will eventually get to read them before the day is over.

I have been so drained, tired and old age is finally catching up on me if not, how come I was alsmost losing it just be the sheer pressure of work? I indeed undertook a big project and it was not only stressful, it drained me physically and mentally and at the end of th 4th month, I knew that if I am to be useful again professionally, I need sometime to recup, rejuvenate and have my soul restored.

Talking of my soul, I am also embarking on a study of different books of the bible personally and also attending some bible school teaching. I think this is an important time of my life and I need to get to where I need to be and the only to it is to learn at the feet of the great teacher. So on this vacation, there will be more meditations...in the word...know what I mean?

So Pappee and I are in God's own country..(where better to be ...?)... Did I mention that I am also in need of retail therapy?? As you can tell by now, there is just so much to do even though it is a vacation but all these are not work... actually I have not missed work that much. I dare say that I will be doing very light work via email but I will not be called into countless meetings and I will not be in traffic shuttling to one meeting or the other...

When our Desires are yet unfulfilled

2007-06-25T20:37:00.000+01:00

I have chosen a very unusual title for this piece because this is what the experience has thought me, to find joy in what we have , continue to desire what we want and believe that we will have them. I have also learnt that it is not over until it is over and not until God says so, we humans can do very little.

It was Pappee’s 7th birthday a couple of weeks ago. He was so looking forward to turning 7, you will think that there is something extraordinary about the day. As a Christian the number 7 is very significant but that was not what my son was focusing on. He was going to have a “big party”. He actually requested for this party as according to him, he has not had any party ever before”…strange he had a first year big bang…why we do that I do not know when the kids never remember. Subsequently, it has been cake and party packs/gifts to school and sharing with classmates. This year I agreed to a big party and we went all out for it…the excitement that this brought was enough for the cost and the labor that went into. He truly enjoyed his day and I was very happy for him. Even though it was the onset of the rainy season for days and weeks he kept praying for sunshine and the night before he reminded everyone not to forget to ask for a sunny weather the next day. He was very particular about the hours which were what made his prayers special. I prayed that it will not rain, all through the day but he prayed for no rain for specific hours and his request to all he said “God please stop the rain from 1:00pm to 6pm” Those were the hours of his party. I must say that God granted him that request…not only did it not rain…it must have gone down as the hottest day in May but the kids could not care less.

On the morning of this day, a very strange thing happened. As I woke up and came out of my room, I saw him sprawled on the carpet watching his Disney channel. This is probably the only time he watches television and the channels and programs are restricted. He jumps right up and comes to me and I started praying for him and trying to bless him as my child on this his 7th birthday but he pushed me out a little bit so that he can look me over, and lifts up my pajamas top to get a good look on my stomach and then he pokes me all over the stomach and I was still wondering what was going on. Then he blurts out “Omimi’s mummy had a baby on his birthday”. Immediately, it hit me what this drama was all about. My son has been secretly wishing and believing to have a sibling on his birthday. Although Pappee has always prayed for a brother and a sister, he has not as much as asked me when that will happen or why it has not happened. His disappointment was so clear and my heart went out to him. I held his hands, looked directly into his eyes and told him that if that is what he truly wants today, he should go into his room and pray and ask God to give him a brother or a sister before his next birthday.

Why do I say when our desires are unfulfilled…I have often thought about how I really thought I would have two kids and there is no reason why I cannot. Over the years I have believed then I un-believed. I have even come to accept that it will never happen and have moved on with my life and joyfully so too. My son is such a joy and a handful. Very intelligent, focused and very smart. It is impossible to feel like something else is missing in my life where kids are concerned. I would really want him to have a sibling but I have no control over that happening…that is not true, I have God’s word to hold unto and I have a role to play. Giving up in the face of the seemingly difficult situation is not really what is required of me or giving up when God has not given up on me is also a calamity which only the action of a boy has taught me. Around me as well is a friend who do not wear her faith on her sleeves (like me I must say) but perseveres through situations too numerous to mention yet, holds on to the end believing and doing all she can to get to what she wants. That also has been a good lesson. I am quick to give up

I do not know what desires you have that are truly aligned with God’s word and has not come to pass, if you will believe with a childlike faith that is not looking at why it cannot happen but will believe that God is able to do it and will do it, you will be amazed at the zeal you will have in facing your day and tough times.

Celebrating Yolanda Kings

2007-06-12T13:39:00.000+01:00

I have not been able to write for a while now…been all sorts of things, events which I will be writing about soon…the travails of a woman, the unfulfilled desires of our lives and how we handle them…those are coming attractions.

The speaking world have lost one of their own…I thought I’d celebrate her life and honor her on this site that truly belongs to me. Please share and let it remind us that longevity is not promised but no matter now long we live, we can make an impact. We can be agents of change…this is just one piece among so many but it is one that I like so much…
May her soul rest in peace.

'Embracing Your Power' with Yolanda King

News & Notes, January 16, 2006 · On Monday, the United States celebrates the life and legacy of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. with a federal holiday. This year also marks the 20th anniversary of the creation of the holiday.

Yolanda King inherited her father's gift for oration and has put it to good use as a speaker, actor and producer. She is the founder and CEO of her own production company, Higher Ground Productions. She speaks with Ed Gordon about her latest effort and her father's historic stand against discrimination.

From Embracing Your Power in 30 Days:
What Do I Really Want In Life?
Well, I thought I wanted to be a star. As it turns out, what I really wanted, was to make a difference. I had to be clear about what I really wanted in life because being an actor alone didn't seem significant in comparison with the path of peace and freedom my family was pursuing. So, I allowed other people's opinions to dictate the value of my own desires. This prevented me from putting all my heart and soul into what I wanted to do with my life, causing me to feel lost and confused. Being distracted by other people's opinions caused me to be pulled in different directions and taken off my path. Later in life, as I began to embrace my power, I realized that I didn't have to choose. I could make a difference in the world and do it from center stage.
Taking a really close look at who you are sets the foundation for what you really want in life. I believe we have two desires, the desires of our soul and the desires of our ego.

My ego really wanted to be on stage. My soul really wanted to make a difference in the world. Knowing that this is what I truly wanted in life, I became an actor on a mission; a mission to help bring more peace to the planet. What a blessing it is to know what you really want from life and be empowered enough to pursue it. Do you know what you really want from life?

© Higher Grounds Productions, Inc. 2006. All Rights Reserved.

How much can you tell your children

2007-05-24T18:41:00.000+01:00

Last Saturday, I went running with the engagement manager I have been working with on one of my projects. She is preparing for a marathon and I am a retiring runner but I wanted her to get some real training since she has only done treadmill runs since arriving here …also to show her where she can run in this part of the world without looking at her back every second and no cars and other things with wheels that crawl and speed round our streets. I was quite happy to find out that the magic has not totally disappeared and also to notice that out door running still has that high adrenalin feeling for me. I did 18 kilometers running fifteen and walking three while my partner ran her entire 20…(hey I am not training for a marathon…used do that much and more in my hay days)…age has nothing to do with it…we are pretty close in that area…just sheer training and fitness. For a while now, I have been doing only 30 minutes here, 45 minutes there and one hour every once in a while on treadmill but I do this 4 – 5 times a week so I am pretty fit for an advancing woman…

Running is great sport, it frees you physically, mentally and emotionally…you can have the time for “you”…it is just you and nature and our running route over looks the ocean…which is even so breathtaking. We started off running and talking right away…after a while all talks will die naturally because the body is conserving all its energy to move the legs forward…and we got talking about family….we work so hard on this project hat we never stop to find out about each other so this has been our only outlet without other listening ears as well. She asked if I have kids …I said I have one who is 6 and soon-to-be 7…she has a boyfriend and marriage is not what they talk about now…she will like to have kids although she is conscious of the advancing age thingy and we talked about the giant strides in medicine towards women who want to have babies later. Then she said that we are definitely taking our time these days with having babies. She said she is 36 years (she looks great for this age…I must say…I could have put her age at 30 or 31) and that her mum had her at 20 ( I think) or 22 and that her mom had two abortions prior.

Something hit me like a lightening…it is either this mother does not want her kids to make the same mistakes she made or she really confides in her kids. It is hard for women to acknowledge these acts let alone tell kids. I was not sure if I would have done that. I am not sure if she should have…but I am not here to judge her either way…Are there things we cannot tell our kids? Put differently, should we tell our kids everything? Will it hurt them or make them hate us or will it really show them how fallible we are and how even after all these…God still made something out of us because He reserves mercies for thousands???

When Is the Right Time for Love

2007-05-12T12:18:00.000+01:00

Heyya all…have missed blogging…been very busy trying to make loads of money…so that I can lie down under the coconut tree in a secluded island and enjoy nature…fresh fruit juice and simply live…any one understand what I mean?

I realized that stranger than fiction piece got a few tongues wagging, a few curios minds thinking and a few people just wondering…hmmm! I cannot help you…remember I said ask no questions?

On my way back from the Queen’s own country a couple of days ago, I decided that I will not day dream or read which is all I usually do on planes, I decided to watch a movie and I chose “Miss Porter”…when I saw that it was Renee Zellweger…I knew I cannot but enjoy it…who will blame me…I only remember her for Bridget Jones diary. While I am sure movie critics will have their say, I think it was a very good movie...nothing new but something that got me thinking. Every woman has (not every…here I go again generalizing) after all there are women who do not think at all ..anyway…most women over the age of 18 most have given this a fleeting thought…when is the right time for love? How do I know when love comes calling? What if I do not feel any butterflies in my stomach…does it mean? All sorts of questions and thoughts that go through our minds as women (may be they go through guys minds as well but they don’t tell).

So when is the right time for love? When I was growing up (believe me, I am done growing up…at least physically...mentally and emotionally? I think I will continue to grow in those dimensions until the 6 feet time), I thought that love just must come and I do not think that one can pass 20 years without falling in love and living happily ever after…guess what yours truly used to feed on then? Mills and Boon…Janet Daily, Carole Mortimer…those were my favorite writers…then I moved on to Danielle Steel and heartbreaks started filling my thoughts but then back to this 20 years thingy. Then I cannot remember when I was twenty truly but I can tell you that love did not come calling…okay I remember love came before then in different forms and even trailed me home and dearest mommy even had a choice. But suffice it to say that I did not move to the “happily ever after” phase. I trudged along finding my feet and exploring the world…in retrospect I was searching for my niche…not sure if I have finally settled that quest by the way.

When is the right time for love…when we have settled our internal, intrinsic quest, found our niche? Or is it when we feel the butterflies and have no clue of the heart aches and labor and sacrifices that love demands? Looking at Miss Porter, (if you have seen the movie)…I am not sure which one it was really…in her case but there was a lesson in that movie or even lessons…go with your heart, believe in yourself, love can be painful, love gives a second chance.

On another note…life gives a second chance for love…is it only when the first love is dead? Does it give when you did not recognize it at first and you walked past?

Stranger than fiction

2007-04-21T16:52:00.000+01:00

In this part of the world strange things happen…elections mean prison for the electorates…should really tell people that nothing has changed…how are we supposed to believe in a system that does not trust its people?…if they do not trust us to vote without imprisoning us, how are we to believe that they will do the right thing…they just want to lock us up so that they will have freedom to rig the election?…stranger than fiction…not to talk about rampage in schools …this is a strange era in the history of mankind. My tears have not stopped flowing following the Virginia Tech shootings of last week.

Since I could not find my voters card, even if I found it, there are no ballot papers I was told because it is still being printed. I think our out going aka staying behind the puppet president should stand trial for taking a whole nation for a big ride but I will leave that to the politicians...I was trying to utilize the prison time to tidy up and put a few things in order. I started with a tote bag that have spanned different phases of my life and while sorting out the papers, old bank statements, I stumbled on my diary…(oh I do keep diaries and I write quite a lot in them…safe and incriminating bits)…there will be tales when I leave this terrible place but I am not in a hurry I am still enjoying life on this part of existence and I still have quite a bit to do although these past weeks, I have been questioning that…but that is another story. Okay, before I digressed which I do pretty well, I stumbled into this piece I wrote for a heartthrob so many years ago and I thought I share a bit of my secrets out here…I share quite a bit though…

Long ago I said that you would forever be a part of me
I meant it with my whole heart and soul
And yet, after all this time, I am always amazed at just how strongly I still feel that
More than ever, I celebrate your joys, and I hurt when you are hurting
Your love must have touched the very core of my being that I can still be so deeply moved by what happens in your life
The place you have in my hear grows more special with time
It is just as much feeling that I tell you today as I once told you long ago…
You will forever be a part of me.

Whao!!! Please ask no question so that I tell no lies…
…who did I write it to…is it the same person I married?
Do I still feel this way about this person?....ask no question…just enjoy the piece

When it is a Woman

2007-04-18T16:16:00.000+01:00

“Are you saying that it is a feminist thing to have an affair?”

“No, it is not about an affair it is about an alternative. It is about choice. It is telling yourself that there are options and the situation as it is, is not acceptable to you”

The above is a conversation between two women…very obvious isn’t it? When I heard this, I stopped in my tracks, I took off my ‘holier than thou’ hat, and I tried to see things from a different perspective…I am not sure which perspective…really, but I tried.

I listened to the above with a lot of compassion and at the end, I thought, oh my God, what is going on here? I can see exactly, I can actually feel exactly where this woman is coming from. I have always thought that sometimes people are really pushed and they have no option but truly options exist…how about walking away? Since I was not part of this conversation, I could not ask about the ‘walking away’ option.

I tried to imagine the situation …she is no longer in-love with the man…she still loves the man but also in love with another. The man is having an affair so she wants to get back at him. The man no longer loves her and does not want her…there issues and they cannot do it together? I am not sure what the situation is….but it could have been any of the above.

Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification? Is the society that benevolent? Should they be?

How is the woman different from the man? How come he can do it and expect forgiveness, acceptance by the society and women cannot? In certain parts of the world…please do not ask me which parts, they are even hung or put to death for ‘bringing shame’… I will not go into this…NO way!!!

It is not about a man or woman rights, it is not about feminism, it is not about justification as in the case above…it is about choice if you ask me (not sure I am being asked though but I will still talk or write in this case).

The walking away option is really not an option because…
“I cannot walk away because of the children”. “I cannot walk away because I do not want the divorce shame”. “I cannot walk away because I still love him…” “I cannot walk away because you know I like the ‘mrs’ prefix or suffix…” “I cannot walk away because I have invested so much, I have put so much in this relationship”…the reasons abound”. Did I forget this one? “I cannot walk away because God hates divorce”…
Oh, I am sure he hates adultery just as much or what do you think?

So what do you do when you have no option, or when the situation is no longer acceptable to you? Lol…

What Makes Lasting Memories?

2007-04-12T16:53:00.000+01:00

What Makes Lasting Memories?

I read something a couple days, weeks ago, a very ordinary story but something in the story struck me and really deeply, what makes lasting memories? We all have a chest of cherished memories in our hearts…some things we think about when we reminiscent and we smile and if you are like me, somethings I have erased completely from my memory because they are not worth occupying the space. People around wonder how I am able to do this but I do it successfully even when I want to remember them I don’t.

It is amazing that our cherished memories or special events in our lives that we hold dear are big events…birth of our children, marriage, the first time we met, this outing or that outing and sometimes they are also sad events. But truly, can we think of the moments that someone smiled at us when we so desperately needed a smile or hug or something? What about a kind statement? Recently a lady sent me a one liner and it was really a kind word, I smiled and I kind of got some energy to move on. Such memories are not expensive, they are not big events but they touch our lives.

Life is short they say but truly we live several hours a day and several days when put together, so the journey of life is pretty long and can be arduous…oh maybe not for all but we are blessed in so many many ways to help us along this journey…what we give and what we see, what we say, the lives we touch they will create lasting memories…memories for who, one may ask? Memories for the living…ever thought of it, memories are the ones left for the living. I have always believed that longevity is not a right…it is a promise of God and He alone has the prerogative and He will show mercy upon whom He will show mercy…but since this is not a sermon, I am only trying to point out that no matter how long we live, no matter how short it may appear…we have ample time to create lasting memories and guess what…those memories also help us even in our life time…we smile when we remember them, we are encouraged, when we create them and our lives improve because of these.

Ask yourself, what makes lasting memories for you …not your collection of goodies and we all like different goodies (some pretty expensive) but those are they lasting memories? What will they remember you for? I think of this and have thought about it for several years…when I am no longer here, what will I be remembered for? The good part is that I have every opportunity to create that…isn’t that an awesome privilege that has been given to us?

Tipping down and Over

2007-04-12T15:37:00.000+01:00

What can I say? It has been a crazy period. There has been so much going on in and around me.

Around me is easier to deal with because I can blame work, infrastructure which has been erratic, demand on my time etc but the hardest part is the turmoil inside of me.

When I say it has been crazy, I really do mean it in every letter of the word…not sure how I have gotten from one day to the other. I truly felt like I was drowning and grappling …the hours in day did not seem enough and I was losing control. Anyone been there when it seems like things are spiraling out of control?

That is where I have been. I was thrown into two projects with a client and all too demanding…the sad part of that is that I was not prepared for it prior but in this time and period in business we are all supposed to be like “boys scout of old right?” Be prepared!!! So I went vroom on the projects and here I am they have both kicked off and I am on a high …oh well not quite…

On a personal level, I kind of feel like I was losing control of my drive and my passion…and that is very disturbing. Every once in a while we go through a dry spell but it is dangerous if we stay there for too long then we lapse into self pity and sometimes it takes longer to come out and for some people it becomes frustrating and then for some people it signals depression…now that is a genius speaking…can you beat that? …I have become a psycho analyst but then these things are not rocket science.

Not making light of things… when something has a fault, you contact the authorized service provider and in this case I went straight to the manufacturer and He is fixing things up.

It brings me to a very good point, something I have been wanting to write about…are you spiraling up or down in your present state/career? Do you even give it a thought? I know we all did some soul searching and introspection just at the end of the last year and made decisions of what we are going to do differently or focus on this year…and guess what, we have spent a quarter of the year already and if we are not already rolling on that vision or walking on that road…it is time to wake up.

If you are like me who has experienced different challenges so far and feeling like the year is almost over, then it is time to do some soul searching and see what is draining your energy, passion and drive so that you can do something about it. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and hugging yourself in self pity.

How the priest ruined my mother's day celebrations

2007-03-25T17:00:00.000+01:00

Did I not say that I will not write about my husband on this blogsite? Have I not kept my promise to date? I just want absolve myself before anyone will say I violated my very own instructions. In this place, people always buy fights from other people…what have no connection to them they carry the subject matter on their head. It was mother’s day last Sunday (not the American version which the rest of the world has copied)…I mean the one in the church calendar after all they started the mother’s day celebration and America = the advanced world=western world copied it and now it seems they have the prerogative to say when it is mothers day. I actually told my son, to chose his own day no not really I think it should be everyday…he should just celebrate me everyday and not wait for any church or society to tell him when to celebrate his mother and that goes for all of you out there.

Hey hey!!! I wanted to write about the mothers day but in the process I have meandered around people buying problems off others here because they are busybodies and then I went on to vent my frustration on American…una see me see trouble!!. So as I was saying, it was mother’s day last week. I woke up to find tons of text messages (thank God my phone was on silence…) it looked as if people were struggling to be the first to send me texts since some of them came in earlier than 6:am and on a Sunday morning…Incredible!!! So it was, I had remembered the day before and bought some credit into the spare cell phone aka as Pappee’s phone so that he can call his grandmother so you can see I was very poised to celebrate my own.

Hubby and son had gone to ‘mass’ when I crawled out of bed to make breakfast for the morning before getting ready to go to church. When they walked in I was hoping to hear “happy mothers day’ since I did not see any card or a present decorated with lovely ribbons and wrap paper…I said Oh well…it happens after all who said they remembered and why should I sulk because no one remembered. We went to church after breakfast (yes I am a Pentecostal and do not do mass) and my head of department was so excited to see me and had this very well wrapped cake and a piece about mothers all ready for me…it had my name on it…was I so proud to be so loved and appreciated? So I carried it home happily and then asked my husband if they did not celebrate mothers in his church today and he said he did not hear the announcement. I said “Oh well…the rest of the Nigerian world are celebrating mothers today”. So it went. We called grandma and wished her a happy mothers day…this my husband is funnyooo…how did he remember to send something to his mother-in-law and said it was from his grandson and did not remember his own wife who is the mother of his child…at least for now…until it turns from child to children. In short I really hold it against him but I let it roll.

Can you all beat this? The priest in their church goofed and seriously too or is it the people that prepare the mass recital for last week? I do not know who but someone did. Today I was getting ready to go to church when the phone rings (been waiting for hubby to come back so that we can have breakfast) and he goes “there is no need for you to cook today”…I said I have already cooked…I have even cooked the lunch half way… and he said the ‘father’ announced that it was mothers day last Sunday and that they should celebrate today….I said “no problem…tell the father he is one week late”…lol. what can I say?…there goes mother’s day until next year.

What makes lasting impressions?

2007-03-20T12:45:00.000+01:00

I read something a couple days, weeks ago, a very ordinary story but something in the story struck me and really deeply, what makes lasting memories? We all have a chest of cherished memories in our hearts…some things we think about when we reminiscent and we smile and if you are like me, somethings I have erased completely from my memory because they are not worth occupying the space. People around wonder how I am able to do this but I do it successfully even when I want to remember them I don’t.

It is amazing that our cherished memories or special events in our lives that we hold dear are big events…birth of our children, marriage, the first time we met, this outing or that outing and sometimes they are also sad events. But truly, can we think of the moments that someone smiled at us when we so desperately needed a smile or hug or something? What about a kind statement? Recently a lady sent me a one liner and it was really a kind word, I smiled and I kind of got some energy to move on. Such memories are not expensive, they are not big events but they touch our lives.

Life is short they say but truly we live several hours a day and several days when put together, so the journey of life is pretty long and can be arduous…oh maybe not for all but we are blessed in so many many ways to help us along this journey…what we give and what we see, what we say, the lives we touch they will create lasting memories…memories for who, one may ask? Memories for the living…ever thought of it, memories are the ones left for the living. I have always believed that longevity is not a right…it is a promise of God and He alone has the prerogative and He will show mercy upon whom He will show mercy…but since this is not a sermon, I am only trying to point out that no matter how long we live, no matter how short it may appear…we have ample time to create lasting memories and guess what…those memories also help us even in our life time…we smile when we remember them, we are encouraged, when we create them and our lives improve because of these.

Ask yourself, what makes lasting memories for you …not your collection of goodies and we all like different goodies (some pretty expensive) but those are they lasting memories? What will they remember you for? I think of this and have thought about it for several years…when I am no longer here, what will I be remembered for? The good part is that I have every opportunity to create that…isn’t that an awesome privilege that has been given to us?

A Very Pleasant Surprise

2007-03-14T16:10:00.000+01:00

I am beginning to think that the day has been shortened by several hours plus I think my energy has also been down by the same rate. Put simply, I wake up and I am on a roll until it is time to go home and the roll continues and the next I am so tired that getting out of the bath in readiness for bed is even a task and then I hit the bed so tired that I wonder how I made it through the day. I wake up the next day promising that it will be better, I will plan better, use my time better even have time to catch up on gists, visit my favorite blog sites…to date, that has remained a dream in my head each day.

Well, yesterday I said, this will snap me out and I will get back to ‘normal’ but at the end of the day, I realized that nothing has changed and now I am worried. I am worried for me, I am worried for all the things I said I will do in 2007 and the year is a quarter gone. I have tons of books that I have been accumulating over the months and I have not finished reading any and I have not even been writing…I have not written anything new this year. They have only been publishing what I wrote from last year and they have run out and I have run out too…what a shame!!!

All gloomy stuff out now, yesterday was an exiting day, one of the best memories of my life so far and I know there are many more fond memories and that reminds me, I started out on a piece about what makes fond memories for people and I have not completed that yet, see what I mean? I need to get my acts together. That piece will hit my site by Friday bhg. So back to yesterday, it was assembly day for year two (Grade 2 for some people) students in Pappee’s school (my son) and his class was singing a song and I usually try not to miss anything he is taking part in and parents are welcome to these bimonthly assembly so I went. The assembly starts at 7:45am so that parents can go to work and it is over in 15 minutes or 20 minutes max. My son said they were singing a particular song which he had even made me learn so that he can conduct it at home. Then about 300m to school he said “mummy we are not singing that song again, I tricked you”. I was almost going to get upset because I have been made to sing that song God knows how many times while he raises his hands up and down as the conductor but I held my peace and went along and said “no problem, I am waiting to hear the new song”. We got to school just a few minutes before and they filed up according to their classes without much help…intriguing, my son even knows where to stand and what to do withhout anyone saying it ten times over (because at home his ears are totally detached).

Parents took their places behind and I saw camcorders out…luckily I remembered to take a camera…but everyone had camcorder or something…parents can over do things honestly (yours truly inclusive). I did not want to be out of place so I brought out my camera. The usual bits happened, prayer, national anthem, pledge of allegiance and then the much awaited song. I got him singing the song with all his voice and heart. Then they said it was award time…they started from the other streams of junior school and then it was year two and first name was called for most improved student and then out of nowhere we heard my son’s name for the best year two mental maths student award…you would have thought they just announced that he won the jackpot lottery…he was as pleasantly surprised as I was and I was so proud of him…did I say he said he loved girls…I think he likes more than girls. He loves numbers too. He is winning this award for the second year in a row. He won it in year one (although there was no certificate then but there is now). He plays a lot with numbers in his head. He hates to use counters or number lines to do his numeracy work, he likes to work things out in his head. It has landed us in a couple troubles because he will miss the answers by one under or over but once he gets the hang of it, he is on a roll whether it is division, subtraction or multiplication. I really thank God for the gift of this boy…days like yesterday I tend to forget that he is a handful. So now we have our bright and well designed certificate which I will be framing and putting up with a lot of pride and thankfulness.

Issues of Life

2007-03-09T12:23:00.000+01:00

It has been indeed a long break and I am sorry to have been ‘off air’ for such a long time without notice…I am indeed very ashamed of myself…even the blogsite had problems logging me back in. As you may imagine, it was not deliberate but I found myself dealing with issues of life…sometimes they pour and not rain…, I thought of reporting back to by blog audience and never quite getting round to it.

It all started with a health scare and I had to deal with that. I had to jet out across the oceans to get some medical tests done. It was a harrowing experience considering I just got back from the God’s own country a month earlier where I took the annual routine exams and came boasting to you guys how healthy I was. I just know it was a scare from the ‘enemy’s camp’ but that is the story for another day. Actually it is a story waiting to be published…I am putting finishing touches to it at this time.

One of the not very interesting experiences was my clash with British Airways and I have asked myself that if I have the choice, will I fly that airline again?...I am still struggling with the answer. Imagine flying out of here at night getting to London and was told “Oh your flight to Washington DC has been cancelled” and I blurted out why? And I was practically told “we owe you no explanation”. They bumped me onto a Virgin Atlantic flight which I am very happy to have taken because it is my preferred airline (oh one of them I should say)…when you do not have a national airline, you should not really complain so much about other people milking you and insulting you on top it. Anyway, back to BA and the rubbish…they had the audacity to give me 10 pounds breakfast voucher and had nothing else to say to me. How about my luggage which was checked all the way to Dulles? “oh we will re-route your luggage”…stupid me, I believed them!!! The luggage was not to come for 3 days and I was there for a week. Lol…you go figure.

I had issues to deal with so I paid them very little attention. By the time luggage came, I was ready to come home. All in all it was a great trip…I have a story to tell and it is a good one. I got back to sort out my work mess…exiting and going into another company plus I jumped out in the middle of my last month serving out my notice period…total mess I tell you. I have struggled with that and just about easing myself out now and moving on…remember the gist that I had resigned from the vibrant lounge office?

So long a story…should really end by telling you guys how I got home and was reviewing my son’s literacy homework where they usually learn a set of 15 words each week and try to make sentences with them. Well, “girl” was a word in one of the sets and what was his sentence? “I love girls”…Imagine my shock…I told him to erase it and rewrite it…plus the word is girl not girls. Later when I thought about it…I was happy he loves girls…with no offence to anyone…I think I should have him write the sentence again and paste on his wall…

Back now and glad to off load here again. Moving into a new job but no more long breaks.

My First Encounter with St. Valentine

2007-02-13T13:18:00.000+01:00

Love is like playing the piano
First you have to play by the rules
Then you have to forget the rules
And play from your heart…

What a description of this word, phenomenon, mystery!!! I do not know why we crave Love if not for the fact that it is an intricate thread that God wove into us (our fabric of life), when He made us…that links us back to Him.

As February 14 approaches (not sure it is not already February 14 in Australia as I write), oh whatever…these time zones are another thing we need to eradicate…we all need to have our mornings and afternoons together…any one has any idea how we can do away with time zones? Plus it will also help with jet lags….yours truly, I am always deviating from what I am writing about. Ever imagine how people write novels? They start with a story and stick to it and I am dreaming of writing not just one but several such books …not professional books…I can stick to the main gist but I mean…fiction...romance…stuff like that and yet I cannot even finish a blog post without meandering like the river.

Anyway, I was writing about love and February 14 when my thoughts and my fingers went to a different direction…there has been some frenzy in the air about February 14…some adverts even claim they can send flowers and gift to anywhere in the world…these people have no clue that there are villages in some parts of this same world that there are no routes into…they will have to fly, travel by car then change to canoe (not ferries) and it will take like 4 days to reach there…I think I should take them up on it. I just think that before they even get there if at all…it will be another year…maybe Christmas.

I can never forget the first time I heard of Valentines Day, it was in my year one in secondary school (high school for those of us from NA)…yes you can laugh...secondary school. Before this time, I had no clue…have never heard of it as something people in this part of the world celebrate and we celebrate quite a number of things…new baby, weddings, deaths, funerals, new car, new wife, new everything, new yam you just name it but never love as in setting out a day to celebrate love.

It was second term as a year one student and there was so much buzz, gifts were being bought and wrapped and I went to an all girls missionary school …now this are called faith-based schools….even in this school, there was so much going on but for now I will stick with my first encounter with St. Valentine. I called my friend then also a fellow year one to ask what valentine was and I was told it is Lovers day…that even confused me the more. I asked what lovers day meant and that confused my friend the more. Anyway, I bought no gift for anyone, I received no gift from anyone but the gifts and single roses were flying all above my head…it was purely meaningless.

The world has come a long way since then. My son is six and he will be exchanging valentine present in school this year for the second year running. Over the weekend we stopped by a grocery store and he wanted to buy a single plastic rose for his cousin…thank God! not for one strange girl…although I did not buy it, I told him that he should first give his mother before he thinks of any other girl…can you imagine that? Six years and his first thought is not his mother …what is this world turning into?

As you all prepare to celebrate Valentines day, think about it, what are you prepared to give in your relationships...that is more honorable than what you expect to receive. Also, do not let the celebration die after February 14…let the love candles burn all the year round with everyone you love.

Would you date or Marry...?

2007-02-12T12:02:00.000+01:00

I must say that this has been the longest break from updating my blogsite since inception except of course when I was on holidays. For some strange reason, it has been very hectic and it looks like my work schedule suddenly tripled…oh well I guess I can say that it at least doubled plus I had to add school run to my schedule last week since my nanny was on a sick off time.

Oh, it is another Monday, I will make good effort not to complain as I usually do on Mondays and I am way too busy today to notice the blues. Anyway, there was this nagging thing on my mind that came up in a discussion I was having with my friend over the weekend. And the more I thought about it, the more I think that I have not reached any conclusion…it is kind of tough and everyone seem to have an opinion and reach a position so very easily except me.

Will you date a man or woman who is divorced or separated, with intention to marry the person? I should explain what my difficulty is, as a Christian woman, I do not approve of divorce and that is kind of binding because God hates it. But what happens when one partner moves out of the house, first to fulfill the legal requirement of a certain period of separation and then requests for divorce. If you as the other partner who believes that because God hates divorce, you would not want a divorce, should you or should you not grant this partner divorce. Secondly, if you are single and a divorced or a ‘soon to be divorced’ but happily separated guy/woman shows up on the doors of your life, would you date/marry this person?

I believe that we see enough of divorces and separations everyday on TV with all the “woods…Hollywood, bolly wood, nollywood), I am not talking about celebrity marriages and what ever else the media has made of marriage. I am referring the marriage in the real sense of it…based on strong values and in the true meaning or Love.

Handling Uncertainties

2007-02-05T10:35:00.000+01:00

Looks like ages since I last wrote something. I have been wondering if this year is any different...actually it is very different from the other years...how can I even ask?

Anyway, it just seems like I am so very busy and the hours fly. Work...office has been a bit of a mess. There have been days when I felt like just getting away from it all. There has been quite a bit going on...a botched mbo, confusion, disillussionment, exits and someone in the midst of all these is supposed to maintain some level of sanity.

Remember what they say that when elephants fight, the grass suffers. ...there has been several elephant fights, different sizes of elephants and vaious patches of the grass suffering...yours truly has tried to keep a level head and a calm approach which has worked so far. All said, it has been a trying time at my patience as well. People just forget that everyone is going through the same emotions...only some people have made a conscious decision and choice on how to respond to it. Which brings me to the issue I want to discuss today...how do we respond to uncertainties in the different areas of our lives?

I believe that it is difficult to predict how one will respond to a certain situation until he/she is confronted with it but even when we are confronted with it which we have been at different stages of our lives ranging from the really overwhelming to the not very overwhelming...we can take a deep breath and make a conscious choice of how we will respond and what stand we will take. Sometimes we have time to 'sleep over' an issue but sometimes we have to respond to situations within split seconds...no matter the urgency, we cannot allow situations to toss us to and fro and we find ourselves beeing managed by these changes instead of us managing the situation.

I have seen people dangle and float...not sure where or what they want to do even when they have taken days and nights 'sleeping over the issue' and even claiming to pray about it. The later action is really very funny, you'd expect that someone who prays will expect to get an answer but since God does not speak to us from the open heavens, even getting an answer or a confirmation to our prayers is a difficult task for some people. I am definitely in support of the prayer approach and I advocate it but I know that God is not an author of confusion and I also know that He answers prayers and speaks to us even this day. However, people should not hide under this unbrella to float and be undecisive about their lives or follow the crowd.

Enough of this sermon. I think I have made my point and that is we should always make a decision, a choice on how to react and respond to situations as this will help us manage the situations. The values and pricinciples we live by (hopefully we have) are fundamental to the choices we make. If we lack these, we can sleep over issues for weeks running on months and still be tossed to and fro and just go with the flow instead of dictating the flow.

Have a great week everyone.

How Important is Reputation

2007-01-30T10:39:00.000+01:00

Often what we say or maybe I should say what I hear is “I really do not care what people think…I do not give a damn if that what he/she thinks…”and phrases like that. However, things come back to us and we wonder why anyone will describe us as they do or say things about us…we tend to forget our initial position on what people think.

We often say people have a right to their opinions and views, at what point should those views and opinions cross the line and become issues for us? If we are not bothered as we claim we are not and then we act the way we want or believe we should act and people read those actions and form their opinions and how come we worry and bitch about what they are saying about us? I have seen these problems in different settings, the conclusion then is that we truly care about what people say about us or think of us.

In the part of the world where I come from not just the country….inside the country I come from an exclusive part and they have their own inherent idiosyncrasies, if you meet an elderly person and introduce yourself and say you are from this village or that village, the first he says is “Who in the village is your father, actually they put it so bluntly “who gave birth to you in that village?”…and when you call your father’s name or your grand-father’s name, the old man or woman will draw his conclusions on who you are or what stuff you are made of. I agree that is not a fair or true reflection of the truth since we are all different and have our own missions and composition but as they say “blood does not lie” and the apple falls not too far from its tree”.

Recently, I have witnessed a very funny incident in the office that got me thinking. Our actions have a ripple effect. It is surprising that we do not think of the response of the people around us when we make decisions or act in certain ways. People who incidentally have a right to their own opinion and choice of response to our actions exercise their rights and we complain that they are either ‘spoiling our names’ or ‘spreading untruthful (short of saying false) information about us’…all they have done is make a choice of responding to our actions and attitude.

Someone will say that we do not have a right to judge anyone and I agree with that claim totally but what is the defining line between our perception of people, our interpretation of their actions and judgment? It must be a very fine line. Plus we never know who we truly are or how we would respond to situations that we have drawn conclusions about people on until we are confronted with the same situation…anyone ever remember the movie – “Crash”? Examples abound…yet we act recklessly, talk recklessly, and say we do not care and then we turn around and we care about what people are saying about us?

We must learn to sow good seeds in actions and words so that we can reap the fruits. It is impossible to sow an orange seed and it will produce apple. However, I understand that soil composition can make a sweet apple seed produce sour apple. As human beings God has blessed us with intelligence and gave us freewill to choose and that gift can either make us or destroy us (man), again the choice is ours. Whether we care or not about what our friends think, or our colleagues think, it is important for us to ask ourselves first, what report we want of ourselves and see if we truly do not care.

The Scary bit about aging

2007-01-23T13:01:00.000+01:00

When people talk about aging and how they are not worried or scared of aging, we often focus on the looks:sagging skin, flabby breast (more like flat slippers), receeding hairline, wrinkles and grey hair...all physical stuff. I must confess that until I sat in a mamogram center recently, I too had not given the other side of of aging any thought whatsoever.

As I was sitting in my hospital gown waiting with other women of varied ages for a mamogram examination, this elegant , tall older woman probably about 70 -75 yrs came out from the examination x-ray imaging room and was trying to get back to her own chaning room. She kept opening the wrong doors and bumping into others and then it hit me...and hit me really hard that aging has other effects and issues beyond how we look. Also, when we are young as we are now (I still think I am young...you go figure), we tend to think that we will never age or that aging will ring a bell to announce its arrival and then we can stop it or we will age 'gracefully'...ever heard the popular phrase of aging gracefully???

Coincidentally, my friend and I were making a joke about what her worst disease will be in her old age and we said "definitely Alzheimer disease" since she has a nack for remembering everything and every face in the world that she has come across. But truly, it will be hard to see her not remembering even her own child but this is what aging can trigger.

If you have only thought about aging in terms of looks or menopause, I think it is time to think again. While I agree that there are medical and scientific breakthroughs that can delay aging or or take ages away from our physical looks (Dr. Rey, is making loads of money from this), I have not heard of one that stops it completely. We are toying with hormone replacements at this time...but aging is beyond the physical, hot flashes, Eds (for guys), it is more of the internal decline that we should concern ourselves with and brace up to face. Eating right and living right in your youth is critical but aging is a daily thing and right now, very scary. I imagined the woman I saw at the mamogram center in her youth and I thought...she could not have imagined what age will bring unto her even though she still looks dashing and gorgeous.

Reality Check…A visit to the Doctor

2007-01-18T17:49:00.000+01:00

It feels good to be back…you know what I mean right?...to blogging…seems like there are tons of gists and insights that I really want to share. Who would have thought that I will miss spilling my guts out to the entire world? A little secrecy will not hurt, will it? How come I cannot keep quiet and keep things to myself? Too late now, I am already on the roll.

I also think that I have exceeded the break period by a couple of days but hey…that is okay isn’t it? Plus I am back to serve out the remaining of my notice period in this glorious company where I work…before you even ask…yes I had time to think through a lot of things and make some agreements with myself on what choices I will be making. I also stumbled on something that Stephen Covey said…it is choice not change determines destiny…I thought that was pretty cool but you know yours truly a whole lot of things sound pretty cool to me.

Just before the Christmas holidays, there was a very sad incident in this part of the world and this would be sad in any part of the world by the way. There was this lady whose obituary filled the local papers for days. She was 35 years old only and died of cancer…after several attempts at beating it…unsuccessfully as it finally happened…leaving 3 kids behind as I understand it between the ages of 7 and 3…how sad! It was even sadder because with cancer (not going into remission) you know it is a death sentence and it hangs over you until it takes you away…

As a mother I kept wondering how she would have lived with this knowledge and looking at her wonderful kids and knowing that hse will not be here to see them grow up. I mentioned this to people who have lived with loved ones with this disease (the closest I got to this was watching or not really watching but seeing a dear aunt of mine also taken away by this evil called cancer) and I was told that they go through 3 stages and eventually accept the inevitability of death and make peace with it and live the rest of their days in peace and in some kind of expectation for the death to come along. No matter how they put it, it sounded really awful.

Anyway, this death jolted the living truth out of yours truly and I made a decision that if I do get to where there is trusted medical examination and analysis procedure I will have myself checked out. So during this vacation, I got what they call annual physical…only in my own case it was a ‘life time physical’…you cannot imagine the doctor’s face when he asked when I had my last physical and I said “can’t remember’ or when I was asked by the radiologist the last time I had a mammogram and I said ‘never’. How can they understand? I did not worry so much about the shock on their faces…just wanted them to get on with all of the examinations.

I do not know how that thought got into my mind to go and see a doctor when there is nothing obviously wrong with me…or at least I think so or rather I thought so until I landed myself into a doctor’s office. How did I think that I will ask a doctor to check me out and he will say ‘go home you are hale and hearty? My mother always say that they will always find something and made worse even when I mentioned which part of the world I was coming from…. Oh boy…the doctor ticked off on all the things that can be tested in the form and the blood work test sheet. I was only happy when he said the little blood they have taken will be enough because the list was endless. They did find something but nothing life threatening as far as I am concerned…plus it is really God who has the final say…

So as you can see it was an eventful time out and loads of gist abound including my hubby’s aberration which led us to driving from Washington DC to Michigan…check the mileage in goggle…and the duration and then imagine the ‘fun’….

Good to be back and have a place to off load these.

What are you wishing for 2007

2007-01-01T04:35:00.000+01:00

I cannot believe that it has been 2 weeks since my last posting. I hope you all had a good Christmas holidays. I have been doing a lot of travelling...so far it looks like a mission of "around the world in 30 days"...only I do not have 30 days but I promise I will tell all on this site...

First of all, I want to thank Almighty God who has made it possible for me and if you are reading this to see the end of 2006 in good health and looking forward to greater things as we step into 2007. It is new year's eve today and I am in awe as I am always everyday...at the mercy and faithfulness of God. I am always overwhelmed each 31st day of December since my adult life because I always see it as the express grace of God.

I do not know what complaints you have about the past year... its failures, disappointments and challenges that you would have faced in 2006 but it is worth taking a few minutes to say thanks to God and everyone who has either supported you or encouraged you in 2006 and as you look forward to 2007, to beleive that what you dream and wish for is possible. You are peculiar, and have peculiar talents and potentials deposited in you and if you can reach out and tap into it with faith and determination...not giving in to fear or all the obstacles that show up along the way, nothing will stop you.

I believe that 2007 is year of double miracle...if you are believing God for one...ask Him for two. He will not deny you any good thing.

It is my wish that the new year will bring you all the best and let nothing stop you...go ahead take the step towards your goal...greatness is not achieved in mediocrity...it is not achieved in fear...what are you wishing for in 2007? Do not make another resoluting, take action!!!

I will be on vacation for the next 2 weeks and there will be no updates in this site during this period.

Happ new year everyone and see you all in the new year!!!

What would make you consider suicide?

2006-12-19T14:39:00.000+01:00

If you have never considered, planned, or even deeply thought about suicide, you are blessed. Millions of people are ‘suicidal’…all for pains they could not endure, depression, abuse, guilt, failed relationship, dashed hopes and expectations…all sorts.

Sometimes, we think we have gone too far to make a come back. Sometimes, we think there is no hope for us, sometimes we think that all and everyone has forsaken us, sometimes we give up at the last lap of the race. No matter what pains we have buried, secrets that we cannot share…death of a loved one or loved ones…pains and sorrows we cannot comprehend and least of all explain…always remember that God’s arms are outstretched and His love is unconditional and His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness.

Here is a story I stumbled on today and I thought I’d share it. The strangest part is that while people are getting ready for Christmas…some are contemplating suicide…two very opposing happenings…celebration of a gift of life and taking away of another life…

As you get ready for the festive season, do not forget to stop and say a prayer for people in pain, hospital bed…your prayer could be just what will stop one suicide attempt. Our life is precious to God…or He would not have taken the time and effort to make us.

Here is Virginia's story
It was the morning of December 24, 1998 and everything was almost in order.
"Hi, my name is Virginia and I called this morning," I said. I was so ready for it all to be over. I had no idea what was about to happen.
"Hi, Virginia, my name is Cheryl," the funeral director replied. "I will be helping you today."
I had no idea at that time just how much she would be helping me. This attractive, little 40 something-year-old lady was about to take part in a miracle, my miracle.
"I want to take care of my final arrangements," I said. "My husband and parents have already been through so much," I said, holding back tears. "I want you to know how much I appreciate you coming in this morning. I am only in town for a short time and wanted to get this taken care of while I still can. I know you must have been busy getting ready for the holiday."
"It's no problem, Virginia. I am glad to be here for you," Cheryl sweetly replied.
For the next hour we went over my choices. I chose the pink one, nothing fancy, just your basic casket. Then the dreaded question came, "May I ask what your terminal illness is, Virginia?"
"Cancer," I immediately responded.
Now comes the part I still have a hard time grasping. If you were a funeral director and a lady walked in claiming to be terminally ill with cancer, could you look into her eyes and say, "I want you to know you aren't going to need this, but I will write it up for you if you wish?" Cheryl did.
I was in complete shock. After a few moments I said, "What do you mean I am not going to need this?"
Meanwhile, I thought to myself, I am dying, and this is what dying people do. The only difference is my disease is depression instead of cancer. Everything was set for me to kill myself. I had been planning and storing up pills for months.
Cheryl looked down for a brief moment as if to prepare herself for the statement she was about to make, "When the secretary called me at home this morning and said someone was coming in to make their final arrangements I knew it was not necessary for me to come in; one of the others here could have helped you. But as I went on preparing for the holiday, the Lord was speaking to my heart. He let me know that I was to tell you that Jesus loves you, Virginia. He isn't through with you yet. You are not going to need this right now, but if you want, I will write it up for you. And I want you to know that I will be praying for you every day."

Husbands and Gifts

2006-12-18T13:08:00.000+01:00

There is just so much I want to write about that I do not know where to begin…but first let me make good on my promise about gifts from hubbies…not everyone will agree with me…if you get the diamonds and perfect gifts…this piece is not for you but I have discussed this at different times and there seem to be a general consensus of some sort that hubbies just don’t get the gifts right even when they have the thoughts are right. Personally I have once told my hubby never to buy me any gifts…he should just give me the money…okay…that also has not worked.

Truly as boyfriends and fiancées…they are better…they put some thoughts to it, actually they know exactly what you look like…for some odd reasons, when they become husbands…they forget what size you are …yes…these guys live with us…they should at least look at us very well right? NO? They downright get it wrong all the time. When it is not bigger size, it is smaller size. But as boyfriends they can even call your friends and ‘conspire’ with them to get the right gifts but as hubbies…they cannot call your friends , first they do not even want your friend to know what they are getting you because it is now a “private family affair” and they get it wrong.

Now I love my husband to death (after all that was what I vowed in church…to love him till death do us part so…I love him right?),…if anyone directs him to this blog site, I will ‘kill’ the person. My husband has really tried a number of times and while I want to look at the intentions…I get really angry and very unappreciative…how come I know his shoe size, his boxer size, his shirt size and all his sizes and he has no clue about mine? It really infuriates me so these days…he has resorted to ‘consulting’ his sister to help him out and so far we got through last birthday very happy and the gift very appropriate (only I knew ahead of time when he went to his sister and she called me and then we agreed but I also agreed to be very surprised and happy when I got the present…truly I was).

If your hubby gets it right all the time…the kind of bag you will buy for yourself not like my sister whose hubby will go pick a bag that she will not be caught alive with…maybe thinking he is buying it for his ‘old mother’ so now she asks him for a gift voucher.

Actually, last xmas we were in the US on the 24th everyone hit the shop for their gifts…we first stopped at the toy shop for the kids and them proceeded to other shops and then I saw a pair of shoes that I wanted to buy for myself …at the counter, he took the shoes and said it will be in his own basket so I knew what will be sitting under the xmas tree with my name on it but I did not mind because it was my size, and a pair of shoes I really liked…the brand that I would wear and that is important…you agree don’t you? The designer/brand is important in addition to the thoughts…cheapies?...I have issues with. So no matter the thought…hubbies should get what the wives would have bought for themselves or even up it a bit…what do you think? Jewelries from Argus is a ‘no go areaooo!!!! for those of you in the UK…you have a right to disagree by the way!!!

The Things I don’t tell you

2006-12-14T17:07:00.000+01:00

I know I said I tell you guys and gals everything but sure you would have figured it out by now that I do not say everything but everything I say is true. That is the difference…I will not sugar coat it, minimize it, or exaggerate it…if I chose to say it…then I say it as it is after all no one is forcing me to say it right? Yea!!

I did not tell you guys that I finally tendered my resignation a couple of days ago from this wonderful place that I have worked for two years come December 31. I have three months notice period which I will serve out and them move on to another phase of my life.

I mentioned that a couple things are going on here and I have been having one those conversation with my big boss and bla-bla…anyway thought it was best to have the conversation before the holidays so that I can be free to have fun…sleep well, eat well, exercise well, and read well…even blog well. You know how it is, once your mind is at peace, you have some sprint in your steps…okay…the sprint may disappear when you look at your bank account but truly peace of mind is priceless…you agree don’t you?

Now that I am writing this, I am trying to remember if there are other things I have not spilled yet. Oh yes but that can make a topic on its own. Be sure to come back and read on the uselessness of gifts from hubbies and if anyone directs my hubby to my site after I had written that…I will send EFCC after that person!!!

When I leave this place, I wonder how I will be getting my gists since the lounge is the best source for gists and gossips…oh well, I do not listen to the gossips but the issues I pick up really quick…some visitors to my site (they know themselves) will heave a sigh of relief…maybe finally I am going somewhere where they do some real work…I can hear them say. But I have not said what I will be doing next…anyone with a good guess out there?

Behold the new Maestro

2006-12-13T11:24:00.000+01:00

The last time I told you guys that my son is really a genius, everyone thought is the ranting and ravings of a proud mother …which I am by the way

Last Saturday was the year end music concert at my son’s music club and he was playing the recorder in the orchestra, doing a piano solo…and also providing the acrobatics for the ballet (yours truly did no know this)…he is a funny chap that boy, he never discusses what he is doing even when he is acting drama part in school…and he is only 6…when will he start telling us everything or maybe never right? That is already giving me the jitters and you should have seen him in his black tie outfit for the orchestra…dashingly handsome…he is really a good looking guy and I have bought the dog already to chase the girls away…

So the entire family (no hubby had business engagement) trouped out to see and support the super star…only there were more surprises. Like I said, we know about two performances but when the girly ballet group came out and did their thing...we suddenly saw them take a freezing pose and who came out…the acrobatic dancer and that was Pappee in his element. Okay you can ask anyone who was there (how will you find them so you are better off believing me)…he did his somersaults and got the cheers and the clapping…no he got a standing ovation.

The best is yet to come…you know orchestra is a thing for all participants so I will not tell you guys that he took the show…it was a group effort but they have been practicing and rehearsing for months and weeks now and yours truly I have had to buy alto recorder, tenor recorder, I did not buy treble…maybe there is nothing called treble anymore…in my days the music parts were in three part…no that was only church and school choir…never went to a music school or learnt to play any musical instruments.

He played a classical piano piece…your truly I cannot remember now whether it was Mozart or his brother but sure it was classical and we are not meant to really love them except you are classical music person…I was more impressed with the flow of his fingers and the standing ovation. Then came the awards…he got two awards…one for being the most consistent member of the music club for 2006…my son will never miss a lesson except he is out of town…if he has a birthday party will be late sand will not go until the class is over on Saturdays. He even takes extra lessons to perfect his part…that is being really focused if you ask me…only he is also a bit restless. The second award is the one that completely blew me off…he was the best drummer for 2006…I had absolutely no clue that he drums. I have been to a couple of his shows and performance and it was always the piano and the recorder but when he displayed the drumming skill , I too was impressed…now you see what I mean…he never said anything to us about drumming at home. He is multi talented…let us face it…what else can a mother want plus did I tell you guys that he had straight A’s in his exams…???

So it was a very rewarding experience…the fees…the drop off and pick up and all the ‘related stress’ of the music club demands and requirements. His drumming award is to be placed in the music club’s hall of fame and the most consistent award is proudly displayed on the shelf in his room. He was very proud of himself and is learning first hand the joys of success…plus that hard work comes first before success. I must say that he only practice, ‘study’ that Pappee never needs prodding or reminding is music practices. Each time he learnt something new on the key board; he practices so hard and tries to replicate the tunes with his recorder. Another thing I found out is that Pappee practiced almost everyone’s solo piece …as they all played their piece at the concert; I realized that I heard all those tunes in the last couple of weeks. Now don’t you just think as I do that the new maestro is born…the best is yet to come!!! Say Amen!!!

My Christmas List

2006-12-11T15:22:00.000+01:00

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote that it is Christmas season again and time to give and I even asked what will you be giving? Your truly, my list is getting too long and I have been slaving over this list with possible gifts and costs for the past 2 weeks or more, now it looks like I have to edit it…you know what I mean and it may take me another week to edit this long list…who knows by the time I finish with all the paper work for the gifts, it will be Christmas and I would not have had the chance to shop. They say it is the thought that matters…ever received one of those gifts that you wonder what was going through the person’s mind when they picked that for you or what in the world you are supposed to do with the gift? If you have not received, I am sure you know someone who has received one and then the rhetoric comes “you know it is the thought that counts?”

I think this year it will be the thought that will count …what do you all think? The fact that I have thought about them and included them in my list…is that not enough? But how do I let them know that I thought about them but could not get them the ‘perfect gift’. Come to think of it, it really does not make a lot of sense to give gifts that people will not appreciate…it will be best to just think of them since that counts as well. I will continue to work on my list and I am sure that before Christmas, I would have figured out how to let them know that I thought about them but could not get the perfect gift…so I will keep searching and who knows before the next Christmas, I would have found the right gift and at the right price. I also think it should be a year long project…one has to believe that she/he will see Christmas each year so each seasonal sale…you can buy stuff for Christmas gift recipients instead of waiting until November (after thanksgiving for the Americans…not sure when the others start their holiday shopping spree).

Talking about shopping early, 2 Septembers ago, I was in a shop in God’s own country and this upscale shop was having a sale and when they have a sale it is real sale…I had gone to the boys section to see what is available for my boy and this old woman had packed up all the Tommy Hilfiger and Ralph Lauren shirts that were brought out for sale…I mean literarily packed the entire thing and I was so angry I even asked her if she was going to buy them all or should I wait until she’s been to the payment counter…I actually followed her to the counter and the old woman packed everything and paid…the prices were rock bottom and she said she was buying them all for her grandchildren for Christmas…in September? This woman has the right formula…I thought she was whacko but nay…she is smart.

Back to my Christmas list…I sure have to trim it down…remove some nieces and (his and mine), some cousins (his and mine)…uncles (definitely mine)…get the picture? Wish me luck and pray that at this rate I do not delete everyone’s name.

Providing Wifely Support

2006-12-10T17:53:00.000+01:00

It is one of those weekends when 24 hours seem not to be enough…when wifely duties call, motherly duties call and personal needs pull and thug at you…

This weekend I have been running from pillar to post…funfair at Pappee’s school, racing to get some household need sorted not and racing to the music club for Pappee’s concert and I will tell you all about the music concert, Pappee’s performance and awards in another piece.

So I was saying that yours truly has been up and about for wifely support duties. It is end of the year and this weekend it is hubby’s bank activities all the way…Saturday night …CEO’s award night to deserving employees…No, no…hubby was not nominated this years so he did not win…have to keep my fingers crossed and pray for him so that he can win the award next year…who knows maybe he will give me the accompanying check since behind every successful man is a woman…which means that I am really his key to success right? So if he gets the hefty award check, he should simply hand it over to me right? This is a must prayer point everyday for next year…he had better won it …it will not be fun to pray for him for 12 months and nothing happens.

Then it is CEO’s dinner for directors (ex-director)…in all these yours truly had to dress up…really dress up and since I am not the going out type so I have has to think seriously about what to wear each day…I even have one very suitable outfit for the dinner but it is slightly big and I have not had time to adjust it. See what I mean…I have made a resolution come 2007 I will have a well equipped wardrobe…not jeans and tee’s or shirts and pats for work. I cannot be caught unawares anymore…I will even be asking when the dinners and the awards are scheduled months ahead…that is how ready I will be going forward…wish me luck!

Okay gotta go now and see how I can adjust my outfit because it is Sunday and it is almost time for another wifely support business outing and I have to be polite and make little conversations…only they starved us yesterday…too many speeches and the dinner was not until 10.30pm…your truly I almost starved to death…today I have eaten, had a glass of wine and ready for long speeches, little polite conversations and even plastering a permanent smile on my face as if I have no issues or problems all evening.

Did I mention that it did not stop me from the other duties…kitchen…bedroom…oh boy...those of you that are not married I am sure that you think it is all fun dressing up and hanging on the arms of hubby or better half as my husband has chosen to refer to me this whole weekend…not sure where that is coming from.

Oh I almost forgot that I had a piece in one of the major newspapers today and it was not properly edited. They used the first draft and not the latest version…not he greatest piece I have written and I am hoping no one mentions it tonight because I really do not feel up to discussing it…it was a poor outing…well that is the life a writer…remember I said I am a writer right? Some are good, some pieces are great and some a down right below par…boogey as they say in golf.

Something sad today too in the papers…faces of the little boys and girls who lost their lives in the plane crash a year ago. It has been very sad looking at those faces and as a mother my heart is broken…

Making a Difference

2006-12-08T13:02:00.000+01:00

Yesterday I went for one of those thought provoking, soul searching events. An NGO focused on “wealth creation by promoting business and entrepreneurial development among Nigerians” had their annual celebrations Entrepreneurial Awards and yours truly had volunteered as a resource person and facilitator for the foundation’s programs…you know bringing my expertise and passion to the budding entrepreneurs…you will hear more about this mission in the coming year.

There were two speakers…brevity and punctuality were well displayed by all attendants and speakers. However, each speaker left me dumb and numb. As I listened to the speakers, each an entrepreneur of good repute and successful professionals…I was awe struck and even when people will clap…my hands could not move…actually no part of my body could move…they held me spell bound to the point of feeling like my hands were tied…if you have never experienced this…it will be hard to explain…the eloquency, the courageous steps they have taken, the risks and the focused vision that kept them on their track were worthy of emulation.

If you were there (of course you were not), you’d leave asking yourself what difference can I make? I was challenged! I was humbled!!

We seem to think that success in so many ways especially in this part of the world where wealth and money seem to be the ultimate measure…it was motivating, inspiring and sheer ecstasy to think and to see that there are still visionaries who think beyond themselves and move on to build a legacy and all in their ‘youth’. They embark on missions that do not enrich their bank accounts but enrich their souls and the lives of others in the society…some of these are very noble endeavors indeed but they have results to show for it.

The recipients of the awards talked of their challenges but more than anything their resolve and holding on to their dreams. One thing running through all of them was doing things ethically and with the right values.

I often ask myself, ‘why am I here?’ What gifts do I have to enrich my life and the life of the people around me and the society as a whole? We all have a purpose in this life no matter what you believe in and as the new year approaches, maybe it is time to reflect and ask yourself…”what contribution can I make to add value and leave something for the generations coming behind?”

Think about it!!

The evil and goodness of Google

2006-12-07T11:29:00.000+01:00

I was going to say that no one is safe anymore and we cannot run and hide as we used to...cut all communication, erase people from our phones and delete their email addresses and we are safe...no more! What is new? Everyone is aware of now technology and its spiderweb connectivity is liking us all up...

But I have changed my mind ...I am entitled to changing my mind right? Right. So I decided that I will talk about how the spiderweb connectivity and google cannot only mess up your life ...they can also make you smile and help you find your long lost friends...as long as they are still alive and use the technology (of course)...google is yet to develop the virtual search engine which will locate people even if they are not hooked on any computer or blackberry...but they will get there I am sure then I can reach my uncles in the remote villages...please do not ask me how...I am not paid to think into the future. Talking of thinking into the future, I was very impressed the other day to learn from one of CNN's program that some people are paid to think into the future...some people have it all made!!! And they are paid handsomely...I think I like that job. I can lie on my bed all day long dreaming into the futre the money is deposited into my account. I do not even mind if they do not want me lying on my soft bed with luxury sheets...I can wear my suit and sit in the office and stare into the empty space...and get paid very well because I can imagine all sorts of things in the future and then they can take it and start desigining ...oh boy! Won't that be great?

I was talking about search engines helping you find lost friends...a friend just found me through google or whatever after so many years spanning over 10 years... My sister said the other that she saw an old friend and it made her day and now this friend found me and is happy for it.

The one thing I must say though is that google helps me do my job...I am forerver googling stuff and getting useful information although it has also taken me to some whacko sites from very innocent information search.

Okay...did I appologise for not writing for a few days now? I guess I should. I have been going through one of those professional periods where you need to flex some muscles to get what you want...mental muscles and relationship muscles...if you work, you know exactly what I mean...having the make or mar discussions...where did it get me? Watch out...I will spill all on the blog.

Tra-la-la

Lasting...Lifetime Impressions

2006-12-01T09:01:00.000+01:00

Today is Friday, usually I look forward to Fridays because of the weekend when I always think I can do everything workout...eat...rest...read...write and then more often than not, I do not get to do half the things I would have planned.

There was just so much I wanted to share today, everything that has been going on...Pappee preparing and writing exams which he is so relieved is over now and he can play his nitendo games...preparing for his music concert this christmas...he will be playing in the orchestra. I will definitely update you guys about that one.

With everything I have planned to write today, nothing compares to the story that I read this morning. I know we kind of get all sorts of mushy mushy stories but somehow one or two stick in our memories and even affect us (hopefully positively) and spur us to help make this world a better place. I have never prayed to be able to change the whole wide world, I have always prayed that the people that come my way are better of and are blessed just by meeting me. I have often prayed to be a channel of blessing. This story below touched me and I hope it helps us be patient and nice because those virtures go a long way. Enjoy it:

The Old Phone ... How Do You Spell Fix?
Author Unknown
When I was quite young, my father had one of the first telephones in our neighborhood. I remember the polished, old case fastened to the wall. The shiny receiver hung on the side of the box. I was too little to reach thetelephone, but used to listen with fascination when my mother talked toit. Then I discovered that somewhere inside the wonderful device lived anamazing person. Her name was "Information Please" and there was nothingshedid not know. Information Please could supply anyone's number and thecorrect time. My personal experience with the genie-in-a-bottle came one day while my mother was visiting a neighbor. Amusing myself at the tool bench in the basement, I whacked my finger with a hammer, the pain was terrible, but there seemed no point in crying because there was no one home to give sympathy. I walked around the house sucking my throbbing finger, finally arriving at the stairway. The telephone! Quickly, I ran for the footstool in the parlor and dragged it to the landing. Climbing up, I unhooked the receiver in the parlor and held it to my ear. "Information, please" I said into the mouthpiece just above my head. A click or two and a small clear voice spoke into my ear. "Information." "I hurt my finger..." I wailed into the phone, the tears came readily enough now that I had an audience. "Isn't your mother home?" came the question. "Nobody's home but me," I blubbered. "Are you bleeding?" the voice asked. "No," I replied. "I hit my finger with the hammer and it hurts." "Can you open the icebox?" she asked. I said I could. "Then chip off a little bit of ice and hold it to your finger," said the voice. After that, I called "Information Please" for everything. I asked her for help with my geography, and she told me where Philadelphia was. She helped me with my math. She told me my pet chipmunk that I had caught in the park just the day before, would eat fruit and nuts. Then, there was the time Petey, our pet canary, died. I called, Information Please," and told her the sad story. She listened, and then said things grown-ups say to soothe a child. But I was not consoled. I asked her, "Why is it that birds should sing so beautifully and bring joy to all families,only to end up as a heap of feathers on the bottom of a cage?" She must have sensed my deep concern, for she said quietly, "Paul always remember that there are other worlds to sing in. "Somehow I felt better. Another day I was on the telephone, "Information Please." "Information," said in the now familiar voice. "How do I spell fix?" I asked. All this took place in a small town in the Pacific Northwest. When I was nine years old, we moved across the country to Boston. I missed my friend very much. "Information Please" belonged in that old wooden box back home and I somehow never thought of trying the shiny new phone that sat on the table in the hall. As I grew into my teens, the memories of those childhood conversations never really left me. Often, in moments of doubt and perplexity I would recall the serene sense of security I had then. I appreciated now how patient, understanding, and kind she was to have spent her time on a little boy. A few years later, on my way west to college, my plane put down in Seattle.I had about a half-hour or so between planes. I spent 15 minutes or so on the phone with my sister, who lived there now. Then without thinking what I was doing, I dialed my hometown operator and said, "Information Please. "Miraculously, I heard the small, clear voice I knew so well." Information." I hadn't planned this, but I heard myself saying, "Could you please tell me how to spell fix?" There was a long pause. Then came the soft spoken answer, "I guess your finger must have healed by now." I laughed, "So it's really you," I said. "I wonder if you have any idea how much you meant to me during that time." I wonder," she said, "if you know how much your call meant to me. I never had any children and I used to look forward to your calls." I told her how often I had thought of her over the years and I asked if I could call her again when I came back to visit my sister. "Please do", she said. "Just ask for Sally." Three months later I was back in Seattle. A different voice answered,Information." I asked for Sally. "Are you a friend?" she said. "Yes, a very old friend," I answered. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this," she said. "Sally had been working part-time the last few years because she was sick. She died five weeks ago." Before I could hang up she said, "Wait a minute, did you say your name was Paul?" "Yes." I answered. "Well, Sally left a message for you. She wrote it down in case you called. Let me read it to you." The note said, "Tell him there are other worlds to sing in. He'll know what I mean." I thanked her and hung up. I knew what Sally meant. Never underestimate the impression you may make on others and whose life you have touched today!

Would you leave your children an inheritance?

2006-11-28T22:09:00.000+01:00

Would you leave an inheritance?

Would you leave an inheritance for your children…another lounge topic today. Actually, the topics drifted from co-education or same sex high school (secondary school it is called in this part of the world) and them moved on to Unity schools and what has become of them. I will not bore everyone with this unity school thing…it is a local national issue and one that does not merit a lot of attention …at least on my blogsite…I have the absolute control (do I really?) but for the sake of this argument, let us just believe I have.

All of you out there who insinuate we do not do any work in my office because of all the lounge talks are mistaken…we work really hard and when we are in the lounge we talk really hard…we are professionals. We live a balanced life, once we are in the lounge we try to explore life matters and social issues as they emerge. Anyway, I hope I have laid the no work thing at rest…today the topic was will you leave an inheritance for your children? As usual everyone present had something to say but I dare say there were only two schools of thought and at the end of the day it looks like there was really no different school of thought…everyone ended up in a hybrid…

One group said they will definitely leave an inheritance to give their kids a ‘leg up’ in life. Another group said, all they owe the child is good education, values and the morals that will help the kids survive in this turbulent world. If you had an inheritance, would you be better of? I do not know. So the conversation continued. I will like to leave a legacy for my children…legacy? Now that is slightly different from inheritance. We did not explore the legacy end but we accepted it for the sake of the conversation to mean “an inheritance with values”.

So would you leave an inheritance for your children? Will en-masse wealth even if you have hurt, bruise, defraud, kill others in the process of building this wealth? Is there anything wrong with a man who toiled to build a business that outlives him, we see the Italian empires…Salvatore Ferragamo going over 3 generations now…did their father leave them an inheritance? The answer is a resounding yes? Have they built wealth for other generations and also expanded the net of inheritance to include others? The answer I will say is a big yes not to talk of people like the Bill Gates, the Bloombergs, the Trumps and the Hathway empire…whose inheritance will span more than three generations. One guy put it succinctly, “If I think that if I leave my children one million dollars and they will in turn make three million for their own children, I will work hard to leave them an inheritance but if I think that if I leave them this one million dollar they will squander it, then I am inclined to do something else or the money to other causes”. I think that it is easier said than done. If we live long enough, we can see what they make or likely to make of the inheritance but we never know when we will pass on.

The example that quickly came out was Paris Hilton…is that a good example of leaving your children with a ‘leg up’ in the world or is that a ‘leg down’? But you know how it is, we are always critical of what we do not have. Personally, I would have loved that my parents left me a huge inheritance and I did not have to work so hard…wake up so early and go to bed so late...I even had to suffer through school. With a ‘leg up’ in the world like most kids…I would not bother graduating from school…okay I would have, just so that I do not get cut off from the inheritance. One lady said that she would like leave her kids quite a bit, a home in London and else where so that they will not worry about where to go on holidays and if they want to be social workers, then they will not worry about money.

My answer? If the kids want to be social workers then they should learn to live on the salary of social workers…me I just want to eat, sleep and wake up…maybe go to the gym and look good just like Paris Hilton and with a little luck I release one track CD and call the entire world to the launching…please what is very wrong with that?

2006-11-24T13:03:00.000+01:00

Spring Wedding or Winter Wedding?

I was told that spring is the wedding period …not sure I was told…I must have read it but hey! What is the difference…being told or reading it…even if I read it, someone wrote it and that person told me right? Okay so I was told that spring is the wedding period or rater the most preferred wedding period…come to think of it, who cares when anyone weds…or rather why wait for spring when you can wed in winter, summer, falls, autumn, harmattan, rainy season…you name it. Whoever told me this was definitely dreaming of spring wedding…new life, new flowers, new plants springing up and now that I am thinking about it (and writing about it) it is actually a good time to wed then you can align your dreams to nature…just remember though that they all wither in winter and hopefully if the thought was to begin a new life when nature is springing to life…hopefully spring weddings will survive the winter…keep your fingers crossed.

In this part of the world…(find me in the world map or ask google), the wedding period is the Cristmas or Holiday period…everyone must wed in November and December…not early November…late November just as the Christmas air or wind starts blowing. Yours truly for the past 3 weekends have had weddings to attend and I have not managed to attend any. I think they are all the same and it is summed in one wedding which the bride was having a hard time with her relations (this is another story…the involvement of relations in weddings)… anyway, this bride had had enough and she bluntly told them “whether you all come or not, the wedding will hold”…now that is my kind of bride. It is your wedding, it is your entrapment, it is your life…it is your decision. My conclusion is whether I attend or not, the wedding will hold…they will not even notice…there are so many willing attendants, so why bother. Okay, that may not be a nice thing to say. Friends ought to attend friends’ weddings etc. I agree but I am not even sure on what status or pedestal that I get the invitations.

Also weddings in this part of the world like in most part (I will not say all parts…yours truly is yet to make it round all parts of the world even electronically) weddings help you get new apparel …oh come on what is going on today…apparel? Sounds like a link in Amazon.com and you have to belong to generation “w” to know that they are talking clothes and accessories. If you get invited to a wedding…the first thing you think of it I guess “what am I going to wear?” right? Wrong…here if you are invited to a wedding…you are given ahead of time what you are going to wear…and then you get to pay for it whether you want it or not…that is not fair (I will talk about that another day)…you can refuse and be counted out of the “friends list”…it is your choice…in this part of the world, it is a social disgrace to be removed out of the “friends’ list”…your story will be told long after the wedding and even the marriage expires. I am getting inspirational…expired marriages are more like it not divorce and marriage ending…those carry negative and sad perceptions. Like mixture (medical, chemical, organic)…they expire right?

The past two weeks I have been so sure each Friday that I will be attending a wedding and today is another Friday and I have another wedding to attend tomorrow. I am very sure I will attend only I am not sure that I have any shoes to wear…oh yes, I have the clothes to wear…and I am not about to go to my favorite shop for last minute wedding shoe…I did that two weeks ago and I had to return the lovely turquoise sandals since I did not make it to the wedding and I am not sure I want to build a ‘collect and return’ reputation with this shop. What do you think? Wear whatever I have right…whether it matches or not…after all I am not the one getting married and no one will even notice…but it is not about anyone noticing , is it? It is about me really feeling well dressed and confident right? I am not sure about the link between well dressed and confidence…I want to explore that another day. You can be ‘worst dressed’ and very confident…Should really leave such topics for the Oprah show or Tyra Banks show…which I am not sure what she talks about the few times I have stumbled on her show. Never knew she could talk…you know what Imwan..with the microphone. I know what I thought her strengths were…they did not include her mouth or tongue but …C’est la vie as they say.

2006-11-23T12:24:00.000+01:00

When will you make your next slip?

Today I was just reflecting on how much we like to read news about celebrities, successful top executives, movie stars etc because we want to see where and when they have slipped. The media (print as well as electronic) are usually sniffing out these information, juicing it up and presenting it to us who eagerly and earnestly lap it all up.

A number of ‘busy executives’ do not read soft sells because they are busy, the younger folks like their pictures on the glossy magazines and some of us will flip through channels at the end of the day while unwinding, whether we are deliberately seeking these info or not we ‘bump into them anyway’ because it is plastered all over. The busy housewife now known as a homemaker also cannot help but see the headlines at the glossies en-route the check out counter and takes that piece of news with her. We do not seek it, we get it and we use it.

Why is it that their errors and mistakes are important to us? Why is it that they make enough lounge talk, bar conversations, blogging topics and gossips? Why is it that their mistakes are the gain of others? Someone said that is the price of being a celebrity? Why do they have to pay more than you or me? And that bring me to the real gist of what hit me today…in the little worlds of our own, our homes, our community, our office, our church (if you have any), our circle of friends, someone is looking up to us…a sister’s son (nephew), a brother’s daughter (niece), cousins? They are all looking up to one person in the family or the other or one of their parents’ friends and what would we like them to see? Our mistakes? Our slippages? Our errors? Our sins of commission and omission? I am not sure that will really be the picture we want to present.

I guess you can easily say you are not a celebrity or a movie star but you are a role model to someone and our mistakes we will like to hide from them and when we get it right we will want them to know about it. Same goes for our leaders and other people in authority over us – probably in the office …our managers and supervisors. Let us not focus on their mistakes, let us not watch like the paparazzi taking pictures and setting them up so that they will fall or feeding the wrong information through ‘the grapevine’. There must be some good in them, there must be some strength they possess…let us talk about those and let us build people and not tear down.

2006-11-22T17:45:00.000+01:00

When I grow up…

Today I think I will write something very different but not unrelated with our daily lives and our work lives which aren’t necessarily separate.

One day I stumbled on an article written by a girl who would turn thirty (30) in less than 2 months and she was saying that a few days earlier someone asked her what she wants to be when she grows up and she thought ‘grow up?” The last time she thought she was still growing up was fifteen years before.

We all had dreams in this life about what we want to be or wanted to be when we grow up. I remember as a young girl of eleven and twelve years, feeding my mind with all the “Mills and Boon” romantic novels and thinking, by the time I am twenty years the prince would have sought me out and we will live happily ever after. I am not even sure when I got to twenty; all of a sudden I was up but not sure when the growing happened.

Life presents different types of pressures and even if we do not have people – parents, friends, colleagues, relatives, society (which is rather faceless), name it, hounding at us, the pressures mount anyway. Pressures come from within, expectations, comparisons – pressure to follow in the footsteps of our chosen heroes, parents, role models, and the list is endless.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

The older you get the more you begin to ‘disregard’ the chronological dates and cycles apart from the wisdom (or sometimes foolishness) that comes with it. We then begin to make ‘peace’ with who we are and as disappointed as we may be with where we are, we find some contentment in being alive. Age is one of the ironies of this life, when you are young, you cannot wait to ‘grow up’ and ‘growing up’ has a different meaning. Growing up could mean, financial independence, moral independence (you can do what you want when you want), independence from parents again the list is endless. I have a sister who wanted more than anything else to sleep in late every morning when she grows up. She hated that she had to wake up in the morning to do any chores before going to school even if the chores are only to take a bath (which she really really hated) and going to school. I will like to ask her today how many hours of sleep she is now getting in a whole week as a ‘grown up’.

I have a son who by all standards is very smart and intelligent (even if I say so as the mother but he truly has a very sharp mind). At 5 years, he seemed to be very sure about what he wants to be when he grows up and the list has been growing ever since. However, in their ‘creative writing’ exams, he was asked to write about what he wants to be when he grows up and he again wrote a list but this time the list is slightly shorter and they include Super hero (so that he can save the world), a Pastor (because he wants to preach like the pastor of his church), a soccer player (because he wants to play like David Beckham), and the President (because he wants to rule the country). This was all he wrote. The teachers had to let me know because most kids chose one or two things and they wanted to be what their parents are or sisters or some relatives but not my son (now that I am writing, I am beginning to think that he must be very disappointed with his parents) because we are not any of those things in his list and I doubt that we are aspiring to be any of those but you never know!

I hope he knows that the clocks are ticking and before he knows it, he is up and grown. But he can be all of the above and even more.

When I grow up, I want to be and that time is now. If you missed the opportunity at 20, grab it at 30 or 40, you can still be what you dream to be but do not die not ‘growing up’. Better late than never as they say. Procrastination is the thief of our lives and guess what? Your best life could be now no matter what the chronological clocks tell you.

2006-11-21T15:57:00.000+01:00

Taking the blackmail route

I have to redeem my image …my son has a poor image of me or maybe on a second thought this could be a blackmail…but if it is =, it worked. It is Sunday evening and I have just taken Pappee to get a much needed haircut. He was due for the hair cut a week ago but he had the flu last week and was in no condition to make the trip to the barbing salon. I am not always the one to do thin but I get to do it sometimes since his daddy travels quite a bit but when he is in…they usually do this together and can go off to do some men things afterwards.

So today after so much struggle within me to postpone it again, I mustered up energy after a late lunch of beans and veggies (not he lightest meals you can imagine) all I wanted was to head for my bed and crash out but sense of responsibility got a better hold of me and I had to take him to get a hair cut. As we approached the salon I just heard “my mummy never takes me anywhere but the barbing salon”. I pretended not to hear and did not seek clarification or explanation or where else he would like me to take him. I hushed him off the car into the salon because we were minutes away from closing time. Even as late as we got in, we still had to wait. Waiting for a service with Pappee is not one of the most exciting things because I will be shouting and screaming from the minute we get in to the last minute before we go…he will run through the glass doors as if he is immune to injuries and pains and my heart is always in my hands.

As soon as we finished from the barbing salon, and heading to the car, I heard the same sentence again “My mummy never takes me anywhere except the barbing salon”…again I ignored the comment and this time he went on to say “my daddy will take me to Chocolate Royale (ice cream parlour) and even when my auntie takes me, she takes me to chocolate royale for ice cream…considering I did not have nay extra money and was not about to head to the ATM to get money at 7pm on a Sunday evening when the next day is Monday and you all know exactly how I feel on Mondays…and the panic that set in within me on a Sunday evening…Oh my God! I thought “this is not good” I need to make going to the barbing salon exciting so that he can jump at the idea.

Anyway, I did not acknowledge this observation or make any promises…I just drove him home to give him a hot dinner that must be healthier and better than ice cream. What do you all think? Now that I am writing, I am sure that it was a simple plan of blackmail which worked only it will be at a future date…

I wonder what stunt he will be pulling next to get what he wants… No matter what anyone tells me, the generation z kids are way smarter that all of us.

2006-11-20T22:31:00.000+01:00

15 Minutes of Fame in my office

You know I said I work. Okay it is not as if there is anyone who does not work. Some people work from home, some are home makers and some others get up and go work for somebody or a group of people even if it is a corporation we can narrow it down to a group of people at the end of the day. I guess it is wrong to say “I work” or “I go to work” because everyone works even if they just beg in front of grocery shops or along the traffic. The difference is in the type of work we all do. And that reminds me of a ‘friend’ of mine who works. It is important to mention this because, this friend of mine will tell you that the reason she cannot lift a finger at home or is even able to drive a car is because she works. You will think she is the only worker alive today. She does not cook, clean, tidy or do any house work because she works. Any other mother-worker who meets her will be upset because her hubby understands and will do these other things and I am always so angry with envy when I visit them because hubby tidies the room, washes, helps iron and COOKS. Can you beat that? My ‘friend’ is a very nice and kind hearted person in addition to working. She is really fun to be with and I am always intrigued at her life being just about working.

So I was at work on this Monday morning and we are doing our quarterly review which usually in a pain in the neck as everyone will sit through all the units’ presentations and ‘enjoy’ it, look interested, ask some dumb and smart questions but boy! You have to be interested and keep focused. This review is also good because we get donuts, chocolate chip cakes, and other nice evils that increase the waistline. Not that I touch any of these things…you guys must know by now that I am a disciplined eater and I only for quality not for taste(whatever that means). This particular quarter we were sampling out the new presentation format which the Finance and Strategy unit has been slaving and sweating putting it together for a while and are very happy to show it off. This new format now has a slide for “knowledge sharing”.

Have you been in any of those sessions where everyone is giving time for 15 minutes of fame? Do something to shine kind of thing? This is what this part of the presentation turned out to be so each presenter had a 3 -6 minutes of fame but it turned out in some cases to be fifteen minutes of fame. Human beings naturally crave the opportunity to display prowess or ‘to shine’ as they say in this part of the world. So we sat in this session today listening to all sorts of lectures. Yours truly was not left out, I usually do not miss an opportunity to have an audience for my motivational speaking job so here was an already made audience and I spoke on ‘staying focused to your goal’ for five minutes. I guess this is a topic that can not be fully exploited and one that is relevant to us at every stage of our lives.

Over the past two years we have looked and tired different ways of holding this session so that it is ‘more lively’, ‘more interactive’. Every new person comes with ‘a great idea’ and we try it but none so far has solved the ‘boredom’ popularly expressed by employees at the end of the session. It used to be monthly now quarterly yet we have the same problem. There must be something fundamentally wrong with it but we are yet to find out what. Everyone who works (back to the same controversial phrase), as if we do not all work even if we only surf for 2 hours, download music and listen for two hours, have lunch for an hour, have a couple of coffee breaks of 15 minutes at the lounge and leaf through the newspapers, the fact is that we all work and we all have come to work. Anyway everyone working in such ‘corporations’ have expressed the same feeling about these quarterly business performance reviews. No matter what anyone says, this knowledge sharing slide must be scrapped because it is now the focus of the presentation and people just cannot stick to the 3 – 6 minutes of fame but must talk an infinite deal of nothing for over 10 minutes.

2006-11-17T14:29:00.000+01:00

Please Dress up Before You Talk to Me

Ever heard “we are defined by what we wear”? I am not sure I have but that is very true. I have certainly heard “Image is everything” and “First impression matters”. The first time I heard that “first impression matters, it was meant to go beyond what you are wearing…it included it but it was a lot more than that. Recently, I was reading a book on public speaking and presentations and scientific survey showed that “what the audience sees” account for 55% of your effectiveness…so dressing is important ..isn’t it then? But this goes on to say, your posture, body language etc…and the content of your presentation? Guess what? 36% (very demoralizing for people like me who think that people should look beyond what you are wearing and hear what you have to say)…that notion is wrong! wrong!! wrong!!!

No wonder all I hear about is what we are wearing or what bags we are carrying and whose shoes and sunglasses we are acquiring.
Earlier in the week, I walked into the lounge in the morning for that life saving cup of tea which gets you focused for the first time on what you need to do that day and these young boys and girls were in an argument about one designer whose bag cost up to Four thousand pounds sterling or $8,000,000 and counting the number of people (society celebrities and politicians wives who have the various designs and models from this particular designer. I was curious and I asked who this designer is and they mentioned something (have never heard and have never seen) now you know what I am talking about. I know the Gucci’s, the Fendi’s, the Pradas of this world but not who they were calling. I guess they may also look at me strangely if I say “Oh my God this is a Hermes scarf”. Is there any thing like a generational designer? Truly, this is not a subject that I know so much about. I am a very basic person and life is a lot more than what you wear (so I believe) but I have nothing against designer outfits… come to think of it, I own a few Gucci and Fendi shoes and a couple of Hermes scarf (no, I got the scarves from my late mother in-law’s drawers but I am sure she would have wanted me to have them). What do you think? I own then period!!

Back to the lounge discussions, the same day I went in for lunch and the discussion was on bags and designer make-up and perfumes. Now I was sure I was beginning to lose it or rather, I go in to the lounge at the wrong times. Just before you start wondering, we actually do some work in this office in addition to being at the lounge for breakfast and lunch. On this afternoon, I was hearing the different voices some affirming how much they will never spend on a bag and others countering and making a case for splurging every once in a while. Again, this seemed a little mundane to me but hey! There must be something like “generational discussions and topics” because I thought this was really becoming a problem, is there nothing more that we talk about and I can adequately participate in?

It is not that I have anything against such discussions, actually come to think of it, I had a similar discussion albeit somewhat different with a friend and my sister but we were at the mall where we had gone to see a movie and we had sometime to ‘kill’ before our movie starts so we were ‘window shopping’. My friend mentioned that she bought a channel bag (how could I have forgotten to mention channel in the list above?) on her way back from a recent trip for £1,500 at the airport (this is duty free purchase) which means on high street it will cost more and my first reaction was “Whoa!!, this is impressive” but how can you be buying such bag when there is “A” “B” and “C” to be done with money (my friend is doing a DBA”…she is one smart person and she will kill me when she reads this piece…yes she is definitely going to read it). And we went back and forth on how much we can spend on bags and shoes and I am not sure where we left this discussion. Now you know that I am not averse to designer or fashion discussions.

My problem is how can this topic dominate discussions at breakfast and six hours later it is still being discussed although from a different angle. What has happened to the era when people discussed national issues, books or articles they just read in the papers or in the magazine or their contribution to humanity? Again, I am convinced now more than ever that there are generational topics if not, how can I find it a bit unnerving?? I am also aware now more than ever that values may also have a generational inclination and that is where I will begin to question things.

Someone was writing or speaking (whichever one) about how materialistic the American society has turned and I believe it is not only the American society, it is the entire world. We are now described but what we wear and where we live and the car we drive. People are looked up to not my the virtues they espouse and live by or contributions they made to society but by how much they have in their bank account and the how many designer bags they have. Fancy this headline “Society Lady who owns 60 pairs of Prada shoes” and people spent their money buying this magazine. No wonder, designer and fashion topic will dominate discussions morning and night among young workers. I am sure no one will be shocked to find out who their role models are likely to be.

Recently I saw a bag that I talked about for days and it was for a whooping $700 and no one around me would hear anything else from me and it did occur to me that I may have been beaten by the same bug. Only I tried to justify my one crave and said that at least I try to own one at a time not one for every outfit…come to think of it, I wear mostly black so one will definitely be enough. I even went further to say that I want people to take me serious when I come into their office to pitch for a job or meet with an executive since we are measured by what we are wearing before we have a chance to prove that there is something else upstairs (brain)… all to justify purchasing my $700 bag.

The society does not wake up and make a conscious effort to define the rules and set new boundaries, but they evolve and then they become the norm so before you open your mouth to say anything about your wonderful invention or scientific finding and breakthrough, we have to deck you up in Armani pinstripe suit and tie so that we can even pay attention to what you want to tell us. According to Karl Lagerfield…the only thing that can make people make lasting changes to their lifestyle is fashion not even a health scare…the first time I saw it in prints I thought…what rubbish…you know what? I am beginning to believe him …what a world?

So what are you wearing? You want to be heard? …What are you wearing?...You want to make an impression?...what are you wearing? …you want to talk to youths in a youth program? …what are you wearing? If they analyze you (what you are wearing remember) and you are not close to what they have on, there is little chance that they will hear you but then this can be an urban lifestyle thing…maybe we need to all head to the villages but you know there are no cities and villages anymore…technology has taken all that away. Did I forget to ask what phone handset you are carrying? Or what car you drove to the event? It all counts!!!

2006-11-15T14:37:00.000+01:00

It is Christmas/Holiday Season…What are you Giving?

It is end of the year ...you mean in November? You may ask and my answer is yes. Every direction I turn it smells and sounds like the holiday season...what other proof do we need to announce that year end is here?

Holiday season has different memories and invoke different attitudes and disposition from different people but no matter which planet you come from or reside in, no matter what faith you profess (if you profess any at all)…believers and non-believers alike agree that the mood of people is somewhat different albeit for different reasons at this season. For children like my son who still believes in Satan Claus at 6 years, it means loads of presents and a time to really make effort to behave well since Santa has a way of knowing how kids have done over the year…how he does not think of Santa’s observation and punishment all through the year beats me but that is why he is a kid. Isn’t it?

Talking of Santa Claus, my son wrote his Santa list since April, I think April 06 to be precise and pasted it on his door, of all the things that he wants Santa to bring this year. In the years past, Santa has managed to bring almost everything on his list but this year…I doubt that Santa will be doing that because he is asking for quite of expensive things …PSP, Play Station, …if Santa brings even one, Santa would have done great.

Back to the season of Christmas, as I drive out I see the stores and shops have suddenly changed, decorations and very lovely items (very enticing) are now stocked to the roof top. How come it is only during the Christmas holiday season that people feel like spending without a thought? What is it about Christmas that gets us into that spending spree mood? The season is a season of joy because of one very important gift. The bible says, “for God so loved the world that He gave…”this giving has become so contagious. It is amazing to see how a seed grows. Someone has said that God is the foremost capitalist but that is in a different sense and I will not pursue that claim right here and now.

So we have no qualms then to brand this season “The Season of Giving”? There are three main words that get thrown around with the Christmas season…Love, Peace and Joy. So many cards will be saying “Joy to the World”, “Peace on Earth to men of Goodwill (the last part is usually omitted) and the Love a full word on its own…it does not need addendums. We have all started out on our list of Christmas gifts (I have started and have even edited it once so far in the last two weeks). We have gifts (and limits on the amounts if you are like me …with limited income) lined up for our loved ones, families, friends and co-workers. I am sure that for some other people, the list is longer than that. We may also be looking at the ones that gave us last year (if we are that meticulous) that we may want to reciprocate the gesture this year and add to our list.

I have two very nagging questions that are tugging on my mind:
What are you going to be giving?
Who are you going to be giving to?

2006-11-12T19:43:00.000+01:00

Puppy in Distress...Vet to the Rescue

Zidane was in obvious distress by Saturday morning and by late that morning pointing to mid-day Zidane’s life was hanging on a very thin thread. There was pandemonium only Pappee had left for music school and missed deperate calls for emergency. Luckily, the vet was just a phone call away and was ‘free’ to attend to Zidane. Apparently Zidane was running a very high temperature and needed intravenous fluid to help her out and her strength was failing by the minute.

I was running around the pharmacy shops trying to get all the prescription for Zidane and as you can imagine most of the shops did not have what Zidane desperately needed but we eventually located a pharmacy shop and got the fluids and set to get her going. As if that was not enough, an hour after Zidane had been placed on the dextrose fluid intravenously, the vet discovered that Zidane had swallowed something … a toad… Oh my God! A toad...there was trouble…Zidane’s system has poison and we needed a neutralizer…off to the pharmacy shops again…since the vet is on a home call…she did not have everything …optionally we could take Zidane into the clinic but revival and survival was key and time is of essence. After several searches again we could not find the antidote and the vet had to rush back to the clinic to get from there. Long story short, Zidane pulled thorugh and is currently on antibiotics for three days to help fight the infection as a result of the decaying toad in Zidane’s system.

Can we get Zidane to leave the toads that jump out of the flower garden lone? Does Zidane know that her agony was fro toad? I doubt it. By the way, did I ever tell you all about the puppy’s naming ceremony…old gist now since Zidane has been with us for 3 weeks so I am sure I did. If not, the puppy is named Zidane after the great French footballer renowned for head-butting…(no one will forget the dramatic scene of the 2006 world cup when Zidane displayed the head-butting skill before the entire world.

The name for the puppy was agreed well before we even got the puppy and no one least of all the owner of the puppy thought of the puppy gender…when we eventually got the puppy a few weeks ago and it was female…there was some confusion as to whether a female puppy can be named Zidane. Pappee settled the matter by saying “male or female it does not matter…the puppy’s name is Zidane and so it was.

Puppy’s like babies are very delicate but Zidane is one of the strongest puppies I have seen (this will be our 4th dog and Pappee’s first so we know from experience that the first 3 months are typically very dicey but so far there has not been any reason to worry about Zidane. We even got her out of the house after just one week because she adapted and was very independent not clingy at all except when she is hungry. You do not want walk in when Zidane is hungry…she will hold your two legs and not let you walk. All in all, she is a very good dog with excellent temperament. Hopefully, Zidane will stay away from the frogs and toads …if she does…she has a bright future and we will have very little to worry about..please keep your fingers crossed …

2006-11-10T11:42:00.000+01:00

Open day

It was open day in Pappee’s school today and again we (parents) had our chance to tell the school and teachers what we feel about the school curriculum so far in the term and what the kids have been coming home with. Most mothers said parents interfere a lot in the child’s school projects and the argument went on and on. How would any mother know that another parents interefered? I did not ask ...It may be true but every parents should know it is the child's project and we only help in research and provide relevant materials

There was a bit of commotion when it came to religious studies…anything religious tend to be explosive. Why do we have to teach the children about all the religions in the world? Any parent or parents who want to send their kids to faith schools should do that so to now introduce other religions in a presumably faith school is bound to cause some ripples. I do not think we have heard the last of this. This is being introduced and parents are definitely going to be on the look out to see how this progresses. Public schools are allowed to teach whatever the government allows in the Education curriculum but private schools are definitely going to get a big fight.

I had time to meet with Pappee’s teacher to discuss his school work and look over his school work and assessments. One thing is clear…Pappee needs to pay attention to details…the teacher said when he is in a good mood everything is okay…how do you get a 6 year old to be in the mood all the time? I am going to be working with the teacher to on some activities that teach concentration and patience to help him. Another hurdle is mental maths…the school encourages mental math but then give problems that require some working approach, my dear son wants to do everything in his head. We are treading softly on that one.

There are behavioral and disciplinary issues. I am of the old school and believe in strict discipline especially at the early formative ages. I just believe that the boundaries need to be firmly set up and my experience is that these boundaries continue to be tested by children and they never give up.

I have been a bit tired in the last couple of days and have not been able to write much. Plus it has really been quiet all around except that the Christmas holiday season is just beginning and the buzz is begging to be felt…decorations and shops stocking up. We are all always excited about and during this season.

Halleluyah! It is Friday and I am so excited as always…Fridays are my best days. It is going to be a quiet weekend (fingers crossed)…a friends wedding but I may not be able to make it after all…hubby traveling…bags already packed…Pappee and his puppy? They will do well without me and me…bed, bed, sleep, sleep, food and gym…what could be better? Oh, I think I will read a little bit. Need to always sharpen the saw especially in my business.

2006-11-07T10:32:00.000+01:00

How old are you?

If you are reading this, there is a good chance you fall into this category (please I am looking for a term for this category but I can describe the attributes). This is how you know how old you are…when you do not understand the “slangs” and have no clue who the designer being discussed is and yet you think you are young. Lately, it is either I have been going to lunch at the wrong time or I have totally lost “it”…’IT’ being a part of the ‘happening group’. Put simply, it means that I am definitely part of the aging generations (this is sad if it turns out to be the truth honestly) because I have no clue what the young ones are talking about. My sister in-law actually hit the nail on the head a few days ago when she said that “coming first in school is not a good thing” and she will not ask her daughter to aim for first position in academics (first position in dancing is good enough). I was curious because I came from a home where you have to explain yourself for coming second and I do not know any better than that and my son already knows that “A” grade is the only acceptable pass level. My sister in-law said that it is because of I buried myself in books that I have no clue what else is going on around me. Who knows maybe she is right but we shall leave that topic alone for now.

Recently, I have been struggling to understand the conversations around me…I am lost most of the time (I mean social conversations) so if you are feeling young and hip your vocabulary is sure to give you away no matter what you have stated your age to be. I find out that I am constantly asking “what does that mean”…Jan means London…”my bad” means my error or my wrong judgment…and a host of other ones ..they have escaped me now as I write so where are these words coming from?

The office is not immuned to this jargon or rather evolution of meaningless words or phrases. When I started working over 12 years ago, you will get a memo saying “ASAP” but I have never heard anyone speak it. Today I hear, “please could you “asap it”. “Put the docks in a row” …It took the grace of God for me to figure that it means “let us get organized around here. Definitely, language is a generational thing. It has huge implications…as the baby boomers are aging and people like us in between that generation and the generation Y who is internet generation with words from Mars and Venus planets, we must try to understand them or we are cut off entirely…

The slangs you use, the phrases you use (at work ) in social conversation is sure to give away your age + or _ anyone will guess it right just like the style of your clothes or the cut of your jeans …no not the cut, the name brand on your jeans. I will be wiring about what we are wearing in another piece.

This whole language or rather vocabulary change makes me wonder why I am trying so hard to get my son to write the established letters of English alphabet the way we have been taught when he seriously wanted to invent his own. It seems like everything goes these days as long as you have one or two people willing to copy it from you and believe that what you say it means is what it means.

Have I said anything about the contents of younger generation discussions? Hardly is it about one book, or one social issue (except plane crashes) (sometimes and most times yes, it could be about one movie or the or the other) but then it degenerates to the movie actors and actresses and their private lives are the hottest discussions and any one wonders why paparazzi can go at any length to get the scoops and juice it up about the celebrity private lives? You wonder why people will die running away from paparazzi? Their stories are hot, it sells and the world laps it up because we have found ourselves with a generation that have no thoughts for anything else but mundane things as my pastor will put it. The net helps circulate “gists’ within seconds so you are even hot being the circulator of mundane gist…people flock to you and you are termed to be happening or hype

If such discussions do not hold your attention then you are old and belong to my generation no matter what date you quote in your birth certificate…the real young ones are caught up in these frivolities as my father will say…unfortunately they are no longer frivolities dad, they are the “in things”!!!

2006-11-01T18:17:00.000+01:00

The great guys we married

My husband is a very wonderful man (You can forward this piece to him and he would wonder what I am up to or rather what I want…) but he truly is…no doubt about that. Not forgetting that he is also a very smart guy who knows when to leave town and when not to be available. A couple of weeks ago, a colleague of mine moved to their new plush home and she was lamenting how her husband, packed up his gadgets and his clothes and drove to the new home and did not come back. By the time she got to the house eventually after making sure everything that needed to be moved had been placed in the moving van (they did not have to pack a lot of things because their stuff has been in storage), this good husband of hers, had ‘set up’ the study with the chairs that were available (they were still expecting the furniture to be delivered that day) and was having drinks with two of his friends. She came in fuming only to be greeted by three cherry merry hearts…and she had to smile as a good wife.

I broke out into a big laughter and she did not know what was funny with her story (considering she was obviously still angry at this whole thing) and was expecting some sympathy. She really looked bewildered with my reaction and then I told her that her husband is actually a very good and helpful guy but not anywhere as great and wonderful as mine. I told them (at this time we have increased to three wives) that mine took off to Dublin the day we were moving and at this, everyone joined the loud laughter. The laughter even got mre rib cracking when I told them that the first time, we moved house, he carried his laptop and his suits put them in his car and simply informed me that he is going to the new house and will sleep there (we were supposed to move the next day). I got a bit confused with the one night early move so I asked if he would be coming in the morning and he said no…I got even more confused. So the next day I got the things loaded (they were packed in the garage) and headed there to find Mr husband relaxing there. After this, my colleague could not agree better that her hubby is truly a very helpful guy even if it is to ensure that the wine rack got moved to the new house…that is help enough!!!

But I can tell you this is not a general trend with guys, this morning, I got an email from one of my senior managers (a guy!!!!) taking a 2 days vacation to move house. I got curious and called him up to say “Why do you need two days to move?” He said that their shipment will need to be unloaded and then I said “you do not need 2 days to unload your shipment” plus there are handy men out there to help . Believe it or not, he said that he will need to help his wife put things in place the second day, plus he wants to make sure that the handymen put things were he wants them so that there will be no complaints. He also said that it will be too much for his wife to handle alone. Sometimes, handymen are difficult and if he is there, they will behave themselves… He must have married the wrong woman…don’t you think? We (wives) can handle handymen, we can supervise unloading (we can even unload it if we do not have handymen)…our hubbies can be having drinks while we do this or be out of town and then they have plenty plenty rights to complain about the positions that we have placed the things when they come back.

If we ever have to move house again, yours truly will be out of town a week before and will return a week after only the house will not be moved…because my great husband must have house moving phobia which is a very rare disease.

2006-10-29T20:40:00.000+01:00

Monday Blues

Whose idea is this weekend thing and going to work on Monday? It is Sunday night and I am already tired. I am already thinking...I am too tired to wake up tomorrow morning...I have not gone to bed yet(can you beat that?) but I feel so drained that there is no way a one night sleep will get me to the point where I'd be pepped up and zesty to face the office for 5 straight days.

How come Sundays have this effect on me...really it is not the whole day it is only Sunday night as it gets to 6:00pm and the night quietly creeps in, I get this phobia to even sleep because when I wake up it will be Monday and that is very demoralizing...

Is it just me or is this a general feeling? I am sure that some people just cannot wait for Monday so that they can do what? I love my job but truly..mondays give me the jitters. First there is the meeting...what happened last week and what we are doing this week...same thing week in, week out...truly can we extend the weekend and start work on Tuesday and still break off on Friday? That cannot be too much to ask the world to do or is it?

I think I will stop lamenting and just go to bed...maybe ...just maybe, I will feel like climbing out of bed...did I mention the crazy Monday morning traffic? You cannot even begin to imagine it and then you have to race through everything in the morning to get to work before 8:00am. One thing is sure, I will have to depend on my body clock..I will not be setting any alarm because I am sure to break my phone when the alarm goes off and that will be a calamity.

This has nothing to do with what I did all weekend because even if I stayed in bed all through (which I did not), I will still feel the same way or at least I think I will... what do you think? What is the point of thinking, I just need to try it...lock myself up in the room...banish hubby and son and even the puppy...oh talking about the puppy...ikt must be what drained my energy...no not really...that will not be true...

Great week everyone and I am sure I will be happy again when it is Friday.

2006-10-27T12:39:00.000+01:00

And the puppy comes homes

A couple of months ago, over summer, Pappee wanted a puppy and we went to the vet and pet shop to place an order. Obviously, we were informed that it was a long list especially for the German shepherd breed or Alsatians as they are popularly called. This is a very common and popular breed over here in this part of the world. He had no clue which one he wanted – Alsatian, Rotweiller, Pitts bull or whatever, he just wanted a puppy period. Because I have has dogs earlier in my previous life (my life before marriage and motherhood is a previous life…please do not ask me why I term it that…it simply looks like it was in another age and time).

Over the weeks and months we have called the pet shop intermittently to find out where we are on the list and we were told each time to be patient (as if we had any choice). Yesterday, the dreaded call (for me) and the most exciting call (for Pappee) came and they have a puppy for us. There are three of them and we will need to chose first. When I told Papee, he could not contain his joy and he woke up and 6:00am this morning for the trip to the pet shop which is not to be until 10:00 am but that excitement is understandable. Pappee had written list over list of what he will need and have told stories over and over again of what he will be doing together with the puppy so finally his dream is coming through and Christmas came two months ahead.

Last night, we had a meeting to reiterate our earlier agreements on how the dog will be taken care of and whose responsibility it will be to clean the kernel (he was not excited about the dog “poopoo”), he truly wondered if he would be able to do that. He had no issues with the feeding and cleaning of the bowl, giving the puppy a bath (he was really looking forward to that) but the dog mess? No way!! So I said, then it means no puppy. He thought about it for a few seconds and says “mummy I will clean it. Lets get the puppy”.

Eventually it was time and we got to the pet shop. Pappee looked at the puppies in the kernel from one mile …maybe half a mile away and could not even get near. This is trouble if you ask me. So I said, maybe this whole dream for a puppy is not a good idea after all. I went in to talk with the shop owner to get more details about the puppies…when they were born, how many in the liter, the vet the owners used and last de-worming date (puppies are to be de-wormed every 2 weeks). Pappee still had not gotten any closer to the puppies yet we are going home with one. However, by this time, he was already in the pet shop and selecting the leashes and collars and feeding bowl (he had his list) and he identified everything he wanted.

Now time to choose the puppy. As I mentioned there were 3 puppies and one was particularly very aggressive, I liked that one. He would not stop, he would climb over the other ones, bark at the closest figure to the kernel and they are only 5 weeks old. One was so quiet and very pretty (they were all females…we had asked for females) and all through the period we were at the shop, this particular puppy had not made a single sound. I never would dream of taking that puppy in the midst of these other 2 and guess what? That it the one Pappee pointed to and nothing I said will make him change his mind. He said he wants a quiet dog…and I thought…you should be going for poodles and not an Alsatian…besides what he is dreaming of is a big aggressive dog like the ones our neighbors (two houses away has) and he is getting the quiet but beautiful one?. But since this is his puppy, he will be the one to take care of it and whatever it becomes…it is his, I left him with his choice. One thing is sure, our lives have changed with the arrival of this puppy, there is no doubt about that. I hope it gives him and helps him develop a strong sense of responsibility although I pity the puppy, I think if she survives the next two weeks when she will be dragged, pulled, tugged then she is destined for a long life…stay tunes there is bound to be more puppy gist coming…

Oh did I mention? By the time we were leaving the pet shop, he has now touched the puppy a couple of times and now sitting with the puppy at the back of the car…happily.

2006-10-25T10:35:00.000+01:00

Fulfillment, Happiness …illusions

How often do we say, imagine, day dream and wish:
If only we can get this or that or achieve this level of success or the other or land one job (which we picture in our minds) or get involved in a meaningful relationship or if our boyfriend would show some commitment and propose and the list goes on and on.
Did I almost forget to mention the child syndrome …if only I could have one child or two (in my own case) and then life will be so complete or if our spouses will love us more ( am not sure what this means…you know love more), be less controlling, less selfish, less insensitive…in short very often, we are in the wrong relationship…there is a picture out there that is more promising…

How can I forget lose weight and be a size 1 or 2 (now that they are banning skinny models from some runways, we may increase our expectation to size 4 I guess), wear sexy and fashionable clothes and not always look at the thighs and hips when we test clothes., then we are on way to happiness and fulfillment… (the weight thing is a real problem. I think we need to rethink fashion…I do not mean the plus sizes…I mean one size fits all but lets talk about that another day.

How about we have some trust fund (like Paris Hilton) and we never need to work (although we can sing and release a CD that only our parents and publicist will buy) we will be so very happy and what about the kids not getting into the wrong groups…believe me the list goes on and on…I can even include shoes and bags (at least I have been thinking of buying one bag in the last few days but I attached no intrinsic value to this bag) but I am sure that there are people out there, having the means and access to designer stuff will be the ultimate (actually there was a girl like that in the “Devil wears prada” movie and movies reflect real life situations). One of my friends once said that “is only she could buy one bag that had $1,400 price tag on it, she will not need another bag for a long time…she did not say, she will be happy for a whole day at least.

There is nothing new. We all know that material things count very little (okay, we can do with the very little I guess) but our source of happiness and peace and fulfillment will not come from all these things. They are not physical and cannot be attained through any physical thing. I do not think that they are entirely up to us however, the decision to seek what give these ultimate desires is entirely up to us.

Here is a piece I read today that got me thinking and rattling away. I did not write it. Although it is only about relationship...my point...no human being or anything has the ability to provide these desires for us.

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.

Tom R

2006-10-23T23:27:00.000+01:00

Long Weekend Plans gone haywire...

Remember that I said that I will take this holiday one day at a time since Pappee's school had decided to 'mess up' the great holiday plans and dreams that I had?

Today, I woke to give the entire family a special breakfast...you name it...pancakes (to kill), omletes, sausages, bacon...just a spread. If you saw the plates it is like a full breakfast at Ihop. Everyone ate and were very satisfied. My son said he needed to go on treadmill because he was so full and could hardly move. I was happy to see everyone devour their meal but that was after two hours on my toes straight from the bed. Now you can imagine how the rest of the day would go.

As breakfast was finishing, my sister-inlaw brought her lovely daughter and friend and with three kids...I felt and talked like a kindergarten teacher. I also made up my mind that I am never going to teach children (something I have always known although some days I think I'd make a great teacher). No way!! I'd be none lousy teacher and may end up screaming out of the school if anyone makes the mistake of not seeing through me and give a class to teach. After, I had succeeded in getting them to tidy up we headed out for lunch. Thank goodness for nannies, I went to lunch with 3 kids and 3 nannies. I had no intention of going crazy as you can imagine. I left them at the kid's friendly section and sent off to get some sanity in another section and when they were done sreaming and yelling and playing...we all went home.

It was not the end of the day. I had to gather more materials for Pappee's school project and then cook dinner for hubby...I thought after that heavy breakfast that no one will look for food again but alas...by dineer time they had all forgotten the sumptuous breakfast so yours truly had to fix dinner again.

Dinner done, son tucked in and now I am writing this bit with a big bowl of popcorn and a big glass of water. Obviously, gym did not make it into today's scedule but lots of food made it which is a good alternative to working out. Tomorrow, we are going to start our scrap book on Hawaii and I will tell you all about it. For now, I thought, there is no way I am going to go to bed without telling how great today was and how I was celebrated for living in the kitchen. Now the bed beckons and who knows I may have other responsibilites to carry out there but do not expect to hear it all when I share my day tomorrow...or would you like some details on that too???

Tra-la-la-la

2006-10-22T23:31:00.000+01:00

What are you Handing Over?

It is like a relay race, you finish your stint and then another person takes over… you hand over the baton. Relay racers learn how to take and handover the baton successfully so that they can avoid the baton dropping. Once the baton drops, the race is disqualified and none of the participants is rewarded. If this happens in the last lapse, then all the previous runners are all losers. This is how life is.

What are you handing over? If you have children, it is important for us to understand that our lives will affect theirs (even if you do not yet have children understanding that the next generation in your lineage when they come will be affected by your action is of utmost importance). As parents we must be fully aware of what God expects and how the children are linked to the vision that He has given to you today…the promises that He has made to you.

Today in church my pastor was teaching on Headship and he was taking his text from the book of Genesis chapter 24. Abraham understood the importance of the next generation towards the accomplishment of God’s will and fulfillment of the promises which He has made to him and did not take chances. Every little decision was important because he understood God’s mind and would not take His words lightly. He asked his servant to make a promise about how and where he would get a wife for his son. This he knew was extremely important in continuing God’s instructions to him and in fulfillment of the utmost promise that He (God) has made to him.

Some of us as we get older we look back at the actions and behaviors of our youth although it is filled with vigor and passion but often we all sigh and say “Oh how foolish I was then”. The Psalmist in Psalm 37 verse 25 was reminiscing and telling the younger people that he has been young and now old but he (David) has never seen the righteous forsaken nor his seed begging bread. What are you telling your children today about whom God is or who he is not? Even if it is not about God, what are handing over to your children?

To a lot of people, they were born and they grew up in abject poverty and they made a decision that for their children it will be different and they set out to en-masse wealth or build something so that they can give their children a better life and even more. There is nothing wrong with this, this is actually a good thing but what are you handing over to them that will keep them firmly anchored when the storms of life toss them around? What legacy are you leaving to them?

Once God has given you children, He has given you an enormous responsibility to nurture and teach them to live…you are to hand over the baton to them and the baton you hand over is as important as how you hand it over. In our lives each day, the little things we do, the little decisions we make will impact not just our lives but the lives of the next generation. We must think it over, we must pay attention to our actions and our words because we are handing over something to the next generation (God has already started dealing with them even when they are yet unborn) and decide what we want to hand over to children to continue the race with.

What are you handing over? Who are you handing over to? Will the dream die or will the flame continue even when your days are gone? Will the baton drop as you want to hand over when your own lapse of the life race is over or will you teach the next person how to take it from you successfully? Think about it!!!

2006-10-22T00:21:00.000+01:00

So much for holidays

Immediately the email went out that we were having a Monday and Tuesday off as holidays, you could hear the joy and sounds of “oh my God, this is for real. For days (actually a week) there has been constant buzz about this holidays whether it is going to be one day or two days to mark the Muslim end of Ramadan…see in this part of the world we love holidays and time offs and we like to be paid for them. We observe all the holidays…Christian calendar holidays, Muslim calendar holidays, national holidays and even some unfathomable ones…any level of government…state, federal even community can declare it and we are just as happy. To vote we stay home, To get counted we stay home…employers and entrepreneurs are usually furious about this but we the workers , we love it yet we love our work with unquestionable passion…(you believe that you believe anything) but that was what we exhume…unparallel passion.

So this holiday news came and our truly started reaming up all the things that I was going to do, how much weight I’d lose because I will have time to go to the gym without rushing out and who knows I will even get my waist line down by two inches just this long extended weekend.. You know how they say it “If you can dream it, you can achieve so why not? I am dreaming it so who says I can not achieve it. While I am thinking of this “lose 3 kg in 2 days” I am thinking of the exotic foods that I am going to eat…okay may be I will not eat them all but I am certainly thinking about them…oh boy, I will just eat the fat free versions. First I will order a tray pf peppered chicken then I can eat that with big bowls of salad all weekend.

Anyway, these were all my thoughts about the holidays and then of course I thought that I’d read a looooot and write a bit, go to church and just sleeeeep (now that is a tough one because I am usually way too buy to sleeeeep but nevertheless I thought I’d do that only to get home and find out that my son’s school had their own agenda. They too had decided that they will combine the holidays with the midterm break so school will be off the whole week too. They claimed that this will minimize interruption since the kids were not meant to be on midterm until the following week, they thought that it will be way too much to be off two days one week and off the entire week the following week. What they did not know was that my son was happy and would have been happy being off the whole two weeks if it came to that. So I got home they has sent the boy home with tons of home work for the entire week and as if that was not enough, the school term project that was originally scheduled to be submitted on October 30 is now due on the 27th …these were all a total disaster. Not only will I spend the entire long weekend doing home work with Pappee, I am also going to be finding project materials and putting the project together with him. As I read the entire newsletter from school I saw all my plans go through the roof. I went to bed thinking…I will just take the holiday days one day at a time…anything goes now…I almost thought of that Aesop fable moral…”Do not count your eggs before they are hatched"… tra-la-la (another sad love song).

Today is day one – Saturday and I spent it going to the gym (thank God) then going to the doctor with the boy who has had some skin rashes for days now to check it and driving to and picking him up from the music school. I also had time to run some errands for a friend and going to the dry cleaners…certainly not a lot of fun except now that I write about it, I think it has been a real useful day…what do you think?

2006-10-20T09:16:00.000+01:00

Is People Management that tough?

I was at a forum yesterday morning and it was meant to be a breakfast session of "select HR" people ( I only had a miserable cup of tea and they had some muffins on the table, I was actually expecting a spread and I almost starved since I will not touch the muffin with a long pole) and some entrepreneurs (you know entrepreneurs are also HR people since they manage their little group). But all in all, it was a good gathering of real professionals. Anyway, one guy expressed so much frustration at managing people and how he spends 70% of his time sorting out people issues and not have time to face his 'core business' which is bringing in the deals/sales. My heart went out to him that I even made a personal commitment to hear him out and maybe help during the networking break. May be he does not have so much of a problem. Besides, they say that a problem shared is half solved.

However, my encounter with a number of entreprenuers from this part of the planet show that thier major problem is that they have no well thought out people management philosophy when they start their business. Truly, they do not think of it at all. I have met only one person who said "I planned ahead of time the kind of people who will work here and how they will manage themselves" and today, that company is a point of reference for others. I even have one or two things to learn from them when I start my business (keep your fingers crossed). A major flaw that I have noticed is that they seek and employ 'workers' and truly there is nothing wrong with that. So they get workers and from my experience 'workers' demand your time because they need a lot of supervision and they 'work for you'. I usually tell SMEs to seek and employ partners and that way, most of their problems are eliminated. The other ones can be handled by coaching and mentoring and normal people management processes. The idea of 'worker' is also a mentality. If you think that people should be grateful to work for you simply because you gave them a job...you get just that but if you treat them as part of the business and communicate (in action and words they also bring something to the table) and they understand that if the business goes down, they also go down, there is a shift in their mentality. Once you can get your employees to think as business owners and given the autonomy to act as one, productivity is higher, there is a higher level of commitment and the bottom line which is the focus is in green not in red.

I have always said that my professional bits will not be showing up here but this was part of my day yesterday and I thought I'd share it. By the way, I gave this gentleman my card and before the day was over, he called me and rattled on a heap of disjointed issues and programs that he has thought that will solve his problem and when I asked him how what he was willing to commit to this employee development of HR revamption for his company, he said he is willing to pay and I said I am not talking about money, I am talking about time. I asked if he was willing to sit with his employees to talk (not to bark) and if he has time to spend in ensuring that what the HR person recommends gets implemented...he said that he will like to pay the HR person to come up with the suggestions and implement them for him and at that point I knew he will have that people problem for a very long time...tra-la-la.

It is another weekend and I am looking forward it. It promises to be very interesting and I will make up for lost time. I will write everyday....I promise!!!!

2006-10-17T16:43:00.000+01:00

The Naked Feeling of a Writer

Recently I realized what writers go through when they think they have finished a master piece as they call it and then they send it off to a total stranger. (You know I think of myself as a writer by the way). It is like writing an exam and waiting for marking and result. In my own case, I was terrified. I am terrified when someone reads anything I have written. When Ipointed some friends to this blog site, I feldt the same way (even though they all came back telling me how great the stuff here are...I know they are being nice) I sent a number of my articles to different newspapers and magazines and got no response which is not strange when you talk to people with 'experience'. It was even worse when I had to now contact some of the people I know to see if they could look at the pieces and offer comments- I felt totally 'naked'.

I got into the office one morning and plugged up my laptop and "viola!" there was an email from this 'experienced writer', I was so scared that I did not open the email for over an our. Finally, I summoned courage and opened it and it was not too bad. It is amazing how illuminating a second reader can be. He or she will read what you have written opposed to what you wanted to write. I have realized that even when I read over my pieces, I read them from my heart or my head but not from the paper or screen right in front of me.

Okay, today I am celebrating the publishing of one of my recent articles which is not only timely but has received wide praises and acclaim. Now I have readers out there waiting for the next ones and I am hihgly encouraged. Tell you what? I am off now to complete another piece which I have only written the topic for the past two days...if that is not a writers block, you tell me, what is it?

2006-10-15T22:02:00.000+01:00

Weekend Weekend Weekend

It is Sunday and an end to a perfect weekend if there is anything like that. This has been a really relaxing weekend and I did not find myself running from one end of the city to the other cramming a whole lot of errands into one day - Saturday because Sunday has its own activities and there hardly anything else you could put into it.

Anyway, this weekend was really good, I went to the gym, had good food (can imagine food and gym...what a combination!), relaxed. I topped it off with a movie "The Devil Wears Prada". Wonder why they gave the movie that title. After I saw the movie, yes there is a devil in the movie who wears Prada apparently but I am not sure if it supposed to be a good thing for Prada. Well, I guess it is true what they say "No publicity is bad publicity"...just maybe it will get all of us to start buying Prada. One thing is clear it will not bring the price of Prada shoes, bags, sunglasses down so window shopping and day dreaming of Prada stuff continues for so many us out there. But over all, Meryl Streep did a good job in that movie...I give to her.

So now comes the end of a perfect weekend and I cannot complain except that I wish I did some reading and that the Sunday hours were extended to 72 hours before Monday but you cannot have it all. C'est la vie. Now time to get ready for another frantic week. Here is wishing you all a very productive and fun week.

2006-10-13T09:22:00.000+01:00

What can I do to be Beautiful?

It was in the lounge in the office a couple of weeks ago and some of my colleagues were leafing through a local soft sell magazine aka as gossip magazine when the attention and discussion zeroed in on a local celebrity who they believed had done some breast job and tummy tuck procedure. The discussion suddenly veered to the claim that a former first lady had died in the process and how dangerous the procedure could be. One person was of the opinion that it was the repeated process that caused the problem and others felt generally people should not tamper with the way God (nature) has made them. Now the gist got very interesting because I tuned in at that time.

I ventured to say that all of us are guilty of the same ‘offence’. This you would believe got different reactions, voices got raised, and everyone wanted to say something. Of course no one agreed and I had to defend my position. Round the room were four or five young girls (I am included in this young girls bracket by the way) all with ‘fake hair’ done in different ways extension aided braids, weave on extensions and some also with color highlights, acrylic nails etc. I told them that I believe that we are all doing the same thing: enhancing our beauty but the difference is in two categories: what we need to enhance and to what extent we want to take it.

No matter what anyone says or how you put it, it falls into these two classifications. Everyone said “No way” “I do not think it is the same”. Some of us only know and believe the old traditional way of doing 500 crunches three times a week (no pain no gain era) with a trainer or all by ourselves and in this new world of no pain much gain and only with a slight incision while we sleep, we wake up to brand new structure of flat tummies and no fat thighs. Are the people who go for collagen injection (botox), cosmetic dental procedures , tummy tuck, breast enlargement etc any worse than we are (those of us who want to keep ourselves the way God made us with just slight tampering here there) any less different? Some of us are so ‘righteous’ and we become the person in the biblical parable who wanted to take out the splitter in her brother’s eyes while carrying a log in her own eyes.

This is not advocating for cosmetics surgeries or no cosmetic surgery but really how come we do not think things through or see things from a different position from where we are? When I look at the whole scenario I come to the conclusion that while some procedures may be more costly, more invasive, more risky, they are all the same thing whether it is to colour hair for N4,000 ($50) or to put extensions for N10,000 ($80 -$100) or acrylic nail and pedicure for N2,500 ($20) or tummy tuck for $5000 and above, they are ultimately similar in nature and have one aim – to enhance the way we look or appear first to ourselves in our belief on the image we want the world to see. All of them are artificial and that is the main point of my view on this whole thing.

While most contemporary Christian women will argue with me on the need for this but this is not about need at this time, it is about accepting that we are all guilty of the same offence and that the fact that someone chose a more drastic procedure does not mean that the person has gone way down the ladder than those of us who stayed with hair extensions and acrylic nails. Even taking our lounge discussion further, I told my colleagues that all of them carry some level of risk. I know people who would not try extensions because they think it is a fast way to get the HIV virus (yes, you can have your own needles) but nevertheless, it has that risk. For people that have permanent acrylic on, nail infections is common and all of these can lead to death sometimes. So dying on the operating table during a tummy tuck or the silicone pack bursting (in the boobs) and the effect being fatal are simply differences in the level of risk but all be it, they are risks.

A Christian sister (yes Christian) had a somewhat interesting twist to this discussion. She believes that the inclination to deem some cosmetic procedures acceptable and others extreme has an ugly root: envy. According to her, “If I can’t afford the procedure or I am nervous about the surgery or my husband, (boyfriend, partner I added these classes) doesn’t want me to have the treatment, then I may arrogantly label what I can’t have as extreme”. Certainly, I am inclined to agree with this sister, however, I think culture also has a bit to do with it. Some of us are so well brought up that such invasion will be unheard of while the other ones are considered part of ‘daily living’ and because that is the way we were brought up, anything more is outrageous and bad.

Again I must emphasize that this is not advocating for invasive and extreme beauty enhancement procedures but rather our view and reactions to the people who have undergone such procedures. We should not feel more superior or more righteous than these people. I think the bottom line is that people will make personal choices and decisions although we may differ in what should be considered real beauty enhancements or real beauty in the first instance. Our choices however, do not make us better than the very next person whose choices vary from ours.

2006-10-11T11:50:00.000+01:00

Are you enjoying your work?

To a lot of people (at the gym) I am a superstar since I can run on the treadmill at 10.5km or sometimes 11.5km per hour (equivalent of 6.2-7 miles an hour) for a sustained period of 45 minutes or 1 hour and even guys look at me like I have some super power. So I usually y get the question: “Are you an athlete?” “Do you run for a living?” “Do you run the marathon?” Recently, there is this guy that I meet each Thursday evening about 5.30 pm when I come into the gym (it seems he is always coming in about 5 pm because typically he would have ‘crawled’ for about 30 mins before I get on the treadmill by his side). On this Thursday evening, he decided to find out something about me, first he was curious if I work and I said I do (I normally put “don’t disturb me” face when I am on the treadmill because for me it is serious business and not a play time). I never understand the group who come into the gym or get on the machine to make conversation. It always seems to me that they are wasting time and it really irritates me. I do not expect everyone to run a marathon on the treadmill but even if you want to walk, walk like you have bones and that you came to the gym to exercise not to look and prance around.

Anyway,(God I wish I can write without digressing ) on this Thursday, this tall gentleman who crawls (because that is how it seems to me). How can a tall man of almost 6 feet and young be walking on less than 5km per hour? It always seems de-motivating watching him or seeing him on the next machine. If you work out, you will agree that the next person somehow affects you, so you kind of try to set the tone. But I have found out that when everyone is running and steps are up and down at the same time, the time just flies and calories disappear effortlessly. This man anyway, decided that my hard face will not put him off and I heard him ask if I want to use the machine he was on, I though that was nice because that particular machine is the best for running but truly if I miss getting on it, I just carry on with anyone that is available. I thanked him and moved to the good running treadmill and I guess that opened the door for him to talk to me. Next he said, what work do you do? To start with I did not know how to answer that kind of question. I am used hearing “What do you do? But not really “What work do you do?” So I sought clarification and asked “You mean like my profession?” He said ‘yes’. I said “I am an HR professional” and he said “HR?” “You mean Human Resources?” I was going to say “what else is HR dummy?” But I did not blurt it out, so I said “Yes Human Resources” and I wanted that to be the end of the conversation. So I increased the speed and truly at that speed talking is out of it.

However, this man ( I will not call him a gentleman anymore because a gentleman will leave me alone on my machine and though he gave up the machine for me, he should at least let me concentrate on my workout) will not stop, then came the next question: “Where do you work?” I said “XYZ company” and went further to clarify because the name of the company is very deceptive. Everyone always thinks it has something to do with oil and gas but I am always quick to say, no it is an investment company. So I told Mr. inquisitive that it is an investment company. Another guy on the third treadmill then looked up I guess from the tone of my voice to find out if everything is ok. I am running at this fast pace and this man is still asking me questions and I am torn between ignoring him which will pass as rudeness and answering him which is really inconveniencing since I am not walking or crawling like him.

Mr. Inquisitive still would not let go, and then he said “so you do HR in an investment company” and I said “yes”. Then came the bombshell, “Do you like your work?” I thought this must be the height of it. How dare you ask me such a question. In the first instance, I am not sure the guy knows the first three letters about what HR is all about but I held my peace and I tried to be very civil. I said to him that it is like every other profession and when a function is that multifaceted, chances are that you will excel in some areas and will not in some others and likewise, you will enjoy some areas and others will be a drag. I am not sure that was the answer he was expecting and I am not even sure that, that is the answer to the question but that was what I said anyway.

Just a couple of weeks or rather months ago, I was sharing with other HR professionals about how people who are stuck in a job in the company can create problems because they have lost interest and fall into the group of people who are de-motivated and such people become poisonous. They just create problems. They rebel against everything and every rule. We took the discussion further and we asked ourselves if we are enjoying what we are doing or rather what else would we rather be doing. So this stranger’s question brought me back to where I have been for a while, the debate about “making a career lifetime change”.

I have even said that the next time anyone asks me what I do, I will say that I am a writer and if the person makes the mistake of asking me what type of writer, then he or she will be in for a shock at the answer because I do not fall into any defined type like a poet or a fiction writer or any such classifications. I am a modern day writer or a new generation writer and do not fall into any box whatsoever. But then no matter what else I do or how much I write, I will always be an HR professional because I believe in people and how to harness the resources they bring to the work place. I believe that the workplace should be a meeting point between their dreams and the goals of that company. So back to the question about if I enjoy my work…the answer will be coming in the following month but the jury is out there on what the answer will be but you can guess, cant you?

2006-10-08T18:04:00.000+01:00

Celebrating Friendship

A couple of months ago, I think August, was the month of friendship. "O" magazine had the same month issue dedicated to friendship not really whether Oprah is gay with Gale (although it was discussed in that issue) …I also think that the Oprah/Gale relationship being gay or not has been given a big overage much more than it deserves if you ask me and they have explained that they are just good friends and anyone who has a best friend or a very close best friend will agree with them and truly attest that what they share is rich and real. It is not as if I subscribe to the O magazine, I am sick of seeing Oprah on the cover month-in-month-out, year-in-year-out so I do not bother with the magazine but if I stumble on a copy, I am sure to flip through it and in this particular instance I had the opportunity to ride in a colleague’s car and she buys O magazine religiously and I read the bits on friendship and there were lots of lovely things about friendship and different people had stuff to say.

This morning while on the treadmill I was thinking of my friends (I have very few actually and I can count them on my fingers and will finish and yet have not completed the five fingers) but I thought, I’d also ‘celebrate them’…female and male alike and it does not matter whether it is or not the officially designated month of friendship. I think that we can all decide which week, day or month that we want to celebrate our friends and that is what really matters … that we have time to tell our friends how much they mean to us. One of the greatest gifts of life in addition to children is friends and I mean true friends. I am not going to bore you all with all the good things that we often hear or read about friendship but my life has been enriched and blessed beyond words by friends. Some have been with me all the way, some have stopped along the journey of life, some made lasting positive and some lasting negative impressions on me but in all they have brought balance and hope to my life and I am eternally grateful to all my friends.

However, in thinking about my friends whom I will be directing to this site once I have posted this piece I though about the different ways that they have impacted my life. They have made me laugh when laughter was so far away and life’s challenges and trials had drained every smile and laughter from my soul and they have also made me cry when they have gone through rough patches or did not understand me and I hurt them in the process. I have also cried when I let them down unknowingly. I hear people talk of friends and how they used to be friends with someone and now they are no longer friends and the first thing I think of is that, “no way it got the wrong label”. I think that we used the term for all sorts of relationships and acquaintances but true friendship transcend time and distance. There is a connection that is not sustained by physical means (email, telephone, letters whatever). It is liberating and have not conditions or restrictions.

To all my friends, here is a piece I wrote sometime this year (not sure which month but it was not the friendship month):

“My life tells the story of friends.
I have been blessed by friends; I have been built up by friends
I have been picked up by friends; I have been helped countless times by friends

My friends have believe when fears and doubt engulfed me
My friends have held my hands and carried me on their shoulder when my legs could not move and the bones seem crushed

Times when I thought I cannot take one more step,
Times when I thought, it is all over and I am overwhelmed by own depravity and darkness seem to cover me; my friends have come through for me.

My friends have pointed to the breaking of day; the remote rays of sunlight when all I could see were darkness and hopelessness
I have received great gifts from God and truly have a blessed and rich life all because of the friends He has given me.

If I never live to thank all my friends, I hope they realize in the inner most parts of their soul that I love them and appreciate all they have done and been to me”.

I love you all and you know yourselves. Thank you for all that you have been and are and will be.

2006-10-05T10:36:00.000+01:00

Pappee in Grade School 2

I’d been meaning to share this but not quite getting the courage until now. Pappee (my son) is in year two primary school or grade school II (depending on which part of the world you are reading this piece from). The new school year started in September so they got to move to a new class with a new teacher. Because it is the same students/pupils from their year one class, there are no issues about making friends (not that it would have been any problem with my son). It is amazing how I could have given birth to him because I do not make friends easily…actually I do not make friends at all (I am working on it). I am one of those people who are happy being just by themselves and since I am not a ‘social butterfly’ and rarely go to parties I am fine then I do not have to mingle and ‘make friends’ but we talking of Pappee today not me so I will let myself off the hook of this friendship making before I get into trouble.

On the first day of school in the new class, the teacher asked the children to write what they are hoping and wishing to accomplish in their new class. The children all wrote things they are hoping to accomplish in their new class: It ranged from doing well in class, to what they want to be when they grow up (please do not ask me how that is related, I just read things that were put up on the entrance door into the class), passing their exams, getting 100%, the best in reading etc. I searched frantically for the piece of paper with my sons name and as soon as I saw it, I stopped my random reading to see what he had to say and what he is wishing and hoping to accomplish in grade school 2.

It goes like this:

“I wish I got double promotion.
I wish I was the class captain everyday.
I wish I got 100% in my exams.
I wish to have a girlfriend from this class.
I wish I was the best”

I continued my reading to see if there is anyone who had a more or an equally balanced view of life and aspiration and I was disappointed that every other kid wanted double promotion, to pass exams with 100% and to be the best but I did not see any other kid wanting to be class captain everyday and seeking an emotional sound life by looking for a boy friend or girlfriend in the class. Believe it or not, I did not see anything remotely close so I gave him the thumbs up.

Now you must be kidding if you believe this was my interpretation when I first read the piece above. No way! I was close to tears. I thought “Oh my God at 6 years?” Every kid was focused on being the best and passing exams and my son was also looking for a girlfriend in addition? This cannot be happening and then I thought “Anyway, they say that an apple does not fall far from the tree” meaning that I am sure that I know this trait is running from father to son (please make sure neither my son nor hubby reads this piece I am begging all of you out there).

On a second thought though, I was happy that he included every area of his life in the hopes and aspiration and that gives me a lot of joy. In his last creative writing exams, he said that he wanted to be the president of this country one day (as you can see, it will begin with being the class captain everyday). Class captainship is currently rotated so that every child gets a chance to ‘lead’. He is smart enough to get a double promotion and we have often talked of leaving the primary school from year 5 instead of 6 so we are on track on that one. As for being the best, there is no choice there, he naturally hates to lose anything and works hard to achieve that but we all know that being the best takes more than coming first so we are working on those habits and attitudes – discipline, humility, honesty, respect for others and obedience.

I guess I am his number one fan and I have to really blow his trumpet but if a 6 year old is hoping and wishing for a girlfriend, I should be worried shouldn’t I?? Worried or not, I am eagerly waiting for the ‘fortunate girl’ whom he will be bringing home from his class…I kind of like the fact that he will be limiting his search for now to his class then he is not likely to spend the whole time combing through the entire school in search of this girl friend that he is wishing and hoping to find.

2006-10-04T09:55:00.000+01:00

Say Something…Will you?

How do some people do it? May be I should ask, how do some people get it and others do not? Were they born with it? Did they learn it? Ever since I can recall, I have been told that we can learn good habits, practice good attitudes (they actually say that attitudes are everything…I tend to believe that truly) and unlearn bad habits, change ‘not so very good’ attitudes and have a new life zest when we have made these changes.

Ever been in a lift or elevator with total strangers? I work in a big office complex down town and there are at least 20 – 25 different offices (I truly should take time to know how many offices it must be a good sign of neighborliness) and rarely do I enter the lift with people I know or the same set every morning. So regularly I am in the lift with total strangers (strangers because I have not met them before but since we work in the same building, I guess they should not be total strangers but maybe just strangers). Normal habit is that we all get into the lift and punch our floor numbers and stand stiffly for the lifts to make the rounds. If you see a face you’d seen before or had ran into in another place you give a smile. Other than that, we are all either very quiet or if there is long stare on a face, you give a stiff smile (know that smile that shows your teeth without any warmth from within?) You get quite a bit of it in the London underground tubes.

A couple of days ago, we were in the lift again. This time there was a young tall and very pretty lady in the lift when I got in and she really smiled. I smiled back and she said, “waoh! That is a beautiful fragrance you are wearing”. I searched her face to make sure it is a compliment and not you know (the world is crazy now and there are all sorts of people out there) but there was a genuineness in her statement that her face portrayed, I smiled even more and we talked about the fragrance…how fruity and how very mellow (I will not mention the fragrance since they have not paid me to advertise them on my blog site) and just then the lift stops on the first floor (we were coming up from car park) and in steps this lady who is heavily pregnant and this same lady smiled again so broadly that I was convinced that she knows this lady that entered and was happy to see her. Then she says to the pregnant lady “Your pregnancy suits you, you don’t look bloated for this stage and your skin is still glowing”. Now I was sure that this lady has something that I do not have. Obviously she did not know this pregnant woman from ‘Adam’ and she has not even seen her before yet she had positive nice things to say to all of us that entered that lift with her.

This whole simple episode got me rather puzzled until I got to my floor which is the last one. I left the lift smiling only because someone had helped set the tone for the day. I also left with a resolve that I’d learn, practice to say positive and nice things everyday to at least one person that I do not know or even the ones I know but as usual that resolve must have flown out the moment I stepped into the office because I never thought about this incident again or the ‘new habit’ that I decided I would acquire until last Sunday in church when I was sitting beside not a total stranger because I had seen this lady a couple times in church although we have never sat together and she had on a new short hair cut (typically she has long hair) and I thought she really looked very chic and nice with the short hair and I made a mental note to compliment her but each time I wanted to do that, I was tongue tied. I finally gave up and did not say a word.

I think some people are just born with that ability to see something good, something positive and say it to people but I believe that since it is something that we all like to hear, it should not really be that difficult to say nice things to people. A lot of people like me just see it and smile inwardly to ourselves and then even blurt it out to our friends how we saw something good or someone who had it all put together etc but we are never quick to give compliments or say these good things to people. It has occurred to me that people usually have bad days or are struggling with one affliction, loss, tragedy, crisis… you name it on a daily basis and we are all thinking and dreaming of big NGO things that we are going to participate in to impact people’s lives but the truth is, if we can do simple things like smile (from our heart), say good things and positive things to people we meet (not only in the lift) we will probably impact a lot more lives than we can do joining the UN Ambassadors’ program.

Each morning now I am on the look out for this lady that made so much impression on me only because she overcame her inhibition and tongue tightness (if there is any phrase like that) to say positive things. One of the things that really impressed me about this angel of good tidings is that she says these things effortlessly. Again, I am determined to practice this habit and make it a part of me and you are welcomed to join me. Smile they say…warms the heart, lifts sorrows and makes the world a better place. (Oh before I forget, I have to warn you all my friends who go to my site not to start keeping the log for when I did or did not say nice things to you).

2006-10-03T21:51:00.000+01:00

How fast are things changing?

What things? You may ask. This title or rather question is actually a can of worms because everyone has opinion on how things are changing so fast but we shall discuss changes on another day.

Last Saturday I went for parents’ seminar at my son’s school. Usually this happens within 2 two weeks of school resumption and parents are intimated with the what the kids will be focusing on for that term, the kind of support that teachers expect parents to give and how to complete the home work and reading diary (this changes quite often). We also get a bit more explanation on the child’s school term project.

In the first week, my son came home with the science homework which was on “classes of food”. I was so sure I knew the classes of food before this encounter but I was not sure any more by the time he was done giving me the lesson. First he asked me “Mummy do you know the three classes of food?” The number of classes should have set off the alarm bell in my head but I quickly answered in the affirmative. Then he said I should name them, I said: Carbohydrates, Protein, Fat and Oil and was about to name another one when I saw this very blank look on his face as if I was speaking classic Greek. He stopped me half way and said “No mummy you have no clue”. I thought definitely, the ambiguity must be from the term “classes of food” because they cannot be anything different and then came the answer:
Cereal
High Energy Food
Fish, Meat, Poultry and dairy products.

I thought, No way! There must be something wrong here but I said nothing. No matter how much I profess to my son that I know something, if it is in any way different from what the teacher said in class, the teacher wins the case so I have learnt to give up and take it up with the teacher. So during this seminar, when we were being taken through the science lesson curriculum, we were told that the classes of food have been renamed as listed above. One parent wrote to the teacher after the homework that the classes of food are Carbohydrate, protein etc and that what her child came home with are mere descriptions. At least this confirmed to me that I am not the only “ancient mother” with a six year old. I left the school shaking my head about changes. I doubt that the owners of English language (the jury is still out on who own the language) will be able to keep pace with these changes.

Oh I forgot to mention that when we go for this seminar, we dress up as if we are heading out for the runway fashion parade and this past Saturday was no exception except that it was mostly designer casuals that came …the Guccis, the channels, Versaces etc (the handbags were enough for a show) and some Walmart and Dorothy Perkins brands. I think this must be because we have all recently returned from “Summer holidays” so we have only the summer things to show off. I will not tell you the designer yours truly was sporting but you can guess can’t you?

2006-10-01T20:10:00.000+01:00

Recovering from Feminism

Recovered Feminist, Recovering from Feminism? Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! Just when I thought I had heard it all then comes this one. It was Saturday morning and I had just finished a short stint on the treadmill (no I did not actually finish, PHCN took light and I was ‘forced; to get down) and now here I was trying to settle down to a cup of tea when I turned on the TV and bam I just heard this on the Larry King show on CNN. This is Dr Laura Shlessinger and she is a recovered Feminist. I set my tea down and sat up. Believe me this sure got my attention. I said to myself, I am definitely going to listen to this. Here we go again. I wonder what this one is all about. You know America is a melting ground and there is concept, no group, no cause that do not get attention and get all of us to hear it.

Recovered Feminist- I was once a feminist or rather inflicted by the Feminist Disease, now I am well and recovered (sounds like the amazing grace song: “I was blind, now I can see”) and as she proceeded to explain this recovery, I could not help but ask “is this a thumbs up for women or thumbs down?” Your guess at this point is as good as mine. First what is feminism? Equal pay for men and women, equal rights for men and women, equal responsibility for men and women? (we need to amend this for strong feminists..at home?) and all other equals. I do not know if women set out to be feminist but I know that women have made certain demands and protested certain treatments over the ages and in over the whole geographical demarcations of the planet earth. We have grown up knowing certain things, accepting certain things and certainly demanding certain things. I am not sure if that constitutes the “feminist disease”. No matter what the disease is all about, there are certain issues that demand our attention without a doubt.

Over and over again my pastor has said so much about responsibilities of both husbands and wife in marriage and how as a woman your husband is very key and actually central to your achieving your main purpose for being here (as well as the man). If you are not married, of course, you are not under this category. But if you are married, then God expects you to be the support and help meet for your husband. That is not to say that the man has no responsibilities but this about our roles as women, wives and mothers.

This Dr Laura on Larry Kings show did not say she is a pastor or professed any faith but she did emphasize that she is not against women working, she works at night (10pm to 1 am on her show) but she did say that we should think about our primary responsibility which is to take care of our home (husbands and wives). She said that when we set out (both men and women) and we come back we are all stressed and everyone is bickering and everyone is expecting and no one is giving. She said that usually there are mountains of tensions and bitterness builds. I dare say that one of the issues that I have certainly experienced and heard is that women go to work and come back and are expected to still perform all the roles (kitchen, attend to children and the bedroom requirements as well) and all these are a little overwhelming to say the least. Often we hear, “I also went to work you know” “Well if you do not want me to work or if you want me to dance to your every need then we need to discuss how the financials will work. But as long as I am going to work and earning income that are used in this house…”

Of course, it will be presumptuous for anyone to make a declaration that it is wrong for a woman to work. I will be the first to cast my stone. However, the problem of working and not devoting enough time to taking care of our homes (husbands and children) come with a price and all be it, we must be ready for such consequences. Examples of children from working parents (mother and father) who has turned out great abound. This is a discussion that I have engaged in several times in the lounge at work and with friends and families as we look back to our days as kids. I do not generalize but most people between the ages of 28 to 45 currently and (this is 2006) in our country are offsprings of working parents but the more we talk about it and analyze the work our parents did we all came to the conclusion that our mothers were mostly teachers, nurses, civil servants who get us ready for school in the mornings as they are getting ready (actually they see what we are having for breakfast and even have the time to make sure we ate that food before we leave the house) and they come home about the same time that we are getting home and again they can answer the question about what we ate for lunch and what quantity we ate and made sure that we ate our meat or vegetables. Often times, I will come home and ask my nanny if my son finished his lunch(sometimes I call from the office if I am not in one meeting or working on something at that lunch time) and I always hear “He refused to eat his egg or his veggies”. Although I have a menu which is rigidly followed, kids will always be kids and will not often willingly eat their food especially kids like mine whose whole attention is to go out and play. In essence, what I am trying to say is that working mothers actually pay a huge price but should they stop working then? Should they stop demanding equal rights and equal recognition and pay?

Recovered Feminist(mentioned above) have not stopped working but actually, works not the 12 hours a day 6 – 7 days a week but schedules her work around the hours when she can be a mother as well as do what she believes she must do and that is work. One of the lessons from listening to this talk show is that women have a central role to play in making their marriages work and their home stable but because we have re-arranged the order of things (Eve was at home while Adam went to tend to the garden - this is the foremost order), there are problems arising therefrom. If we wake up each day and our thoughts are more on how we can make each other be the best today or achieve the best, then we are taking the focus away from ourselves and giving to the other person or paying attention to the other person helps us deal with their inadequacies.

I have often asked myself that what is really important? I have often asked myself, what is really the reason we go to work? (Please do not give me that Marslow’s need pyramid answer), the definition of shelter has strongly changed, the definition of basic need (food, shelter and clothing) has drastically changed in recent years. Basic needs have come to include mansions and castles as shelter and have come to include homes in various locations and basic clothing now includes chunks and heaps of gold and diamonds and designer shoes and bags. There is nothing wrong with these things but I am saying that they are not unrelated with why we go to work and they are valid reasons to go to work. However, the need to spend time with our kids, nurture and bring them up, help inculcate the values and morals that will keep then anchored when the storms of life hit in their later years come very low in our list of needs these days.

Still on this “U turn” from feminism, I am beginning to think that not all of us will recover at the same time and not all of us will make a total recovery. I also think at this time there must be various degrees of this disease, personally I would have thought that I do not have this disease but the more I thought of it, I realized that I may have the mild case. I think there must mild, regular and advanced feminist disease. I think that I will have to rest this case here because, in this age and time when you identify a problem you are meant to help find a solution and I do not think that I am ‘qualified’ to diagnose, treat and prescribe medication for this infamous disease. Just like Dr Laura, I have two phrases …”Choose wisely, treat kindly”

2006-09-29T17:56:00.000+01:00

Being Honest…accepting my weakness(es)

I am really ashamed of myself. Can you imagine, it has been over a week since my last posting on this site. I was so sure I will never fail when I started but that is getting more difficult with each day/week not to slip. I am even more amazed because I am teaching my son to live up to agreements and commitments such as doing homework at a particular time and going to bed at an agreed time and if I may ask how about, writing and posting daily blog at an agreed time?

Believe me, I have tons of reasons and excuses but if I am not willing to accept that from a little boy who has his reasons (playing with friends, TV sometimes, etc) why would I give such lame ones like sitting in traffic for 4 hours two days ago and getting home drained of all energy or rather, that my wireless internet card did not work in the city where I have been on business trip so I could not write and post? Or even better, that I should be pardoned for sitting at the airport for fours long hours for a flight back to base and there are no alternatives that one can fly and at least be confident that the plane is air worthy not that the airworthiness guarantees anything in this time and age. These are all valid reasons by the way but does that exonerate me from failing to carry out a commitment that I made by myself to myself and my site visitors? I doubt!!!

Talking of security of air travel, in the years past when people enter planes and are scared it is either that the aircraft is experiencing serious turbulence or the thought of a possible mechanic fault that may cause the aircraft to crash but other than that, people get into the plane and fall fast asleep. I have been watching passengers in recent period in the long trans Atlantic and cross country flights especially going to Europe and America and all of a sudden everyone is a watchdog in the aircraft and every ‘unusual’ movement is being watched by all. I have not done any survey but I doubt that the concern of most air travelers is the possibility of mechanical fault from the aircraft more than it is of terrorist attack except maybe for countries like mine where we are more concerned with planes being airworthy and technical expertise of the operators.

In one of my pensive moments (no sober moments) recently, I was thinking that the chronic indiscipline in the very grains of our souls and blood streams could also be a factor in the recent crashes that we have experienced in Nigeria. Nigerians are known for wanting to do things ‘differently’ and there are no planes made specifically for Nigeria so I cannot help but wonder if our pilots actually follow rigidly the operational requirements and steps in pressing the numerous buttons. As passengers, we will never know. We have found out that we can 'amend' the service period to go years beyond what the manufacturers specified but the truth is that the operators will tell us to be grateful that there are aircrafts for us to fly. (Actually a lot of people are going by road these days).

Staying focused requires a lot of discipline and I am sure those of us who have tried to exercise and follow a regimen can testify to that. A lot of people like (me in this blogging decision) start off well and fizzle out but I cannot help but wonder how we want our kids to have a routine and stick to it when we as role models are unable to do what we expect others to do.

Now that I have said it all and made no excuse, I guess I can forgive myself and move on. What do you think?

2006-09-21T15:34:00.000+01:00

Is there any good in a Tragedy?

Tragedy is not a good thing no matter where you stand. However, like my old boss used to say, there are good things even in sad stories and if I may add even in tragedy. Three and half years ago, the world woke up to one big tragedy, made bigger even because of the power of technology and everyone saw the Columbia shuttle shatter in the air upon entering the earth killing the seven astronauts on board and all of a sudden we all became “Space Watchers”. I am sure space watchers mean something else but I am not keen on researching what it means, for me it means that we suddenly now pay attention to news on TV and network cables when NASA is launching a shuttle and we all now monitor the developments of the shuttles. It is even worse now that there are “space trips” for tourists like me (when I have made my half a billion US dollars, I am heading the space that’s for sure!)

Unbelievably, I find myself following the recent trip by the Atlantis shuttle to the space to continue the building of the space station for 11 days. Now you must believe, I even know that is a difference between astronauts and cosmonauts. Before I became an avid ‘space watcher’ I had no clue. I thought everyone in space is an astronaut. I even know now that earth is very hot and that the shuttle temperature reversal assimilation system must be intact without any foam falling out if things are to go well considerably. (I have no doubt that NASA will be impressed my definition above of the much talked about thermal system). I also know that the shuttle at lunch requires 3 million gallons of fuel (that is some energy).

Two days ago when NASA said something was floating about in the orbit where the shuttle is, I got a bit scared and even though I have been praying for this particular shuttle like I have prayed for the other ones since Columbia, I prayed harder. The whole of yesterday (intermittently) I was checking development in the search for the UFO around the shuttle and was happy to see that the shuttle had been given the thumbs up to land. This morning, I have been glued in front of my laptop monitoring the NASA sight (I have also done some work) but I could not help but rejoice when the big thing thundered down at the Kennedy Space Center amidst joys, cheers and high-fives.

Looking at the “ground crew” which is all of NASA staff and space watchers like me (who are providing prayers in addition), I see how much that tragedy of 2003 has brought us to appreciate the enormity of activities of the space missions and the weight on NASA as an organization. I am also most impressed by the astronauts who despite the imminent danger of their mission are committed to it. I know that there are tons of professions out there (the military, the pilots etc) that have high level of risks but today, I am saluting all astronauts (living and dead) and budding astronauts. I am also giving the kudos to the space watchers out there. Let us continue to pray for all these people. It is not so much for these people only but for their families who are teams with them.

Although the world now watch NASA activities with interest, it is indeed brought about by a tragedy that we all saw in our own very living rooms and today there are a lot of people working with NASA (unknown to NASA for sure) to ensure that space missions are successful especially with no further loss of life and these are the “space watchers”. Now that I am writing, I think I will launch a website for space watchers to air their views and chat with other space watchers and this will be the birth of the global “Space Watchers Club”… we may even get to say something about space missions at the UN assembly in the next couple of years.

2006-09-20T11:16:00.000+01:00

Caught in the middle

I work with people ( I know a lot of us do and even the ones that work with animals also have people working with them) and I am forever amazed at how different we are. I am not sure if animals are different (as in each sheep in a herd or each monkey in a zoo) but humans? Vastly different!!!

Over the years, I have seen a number of situations scenarios where mangers ‘play games’ with their team members and leave HR grappling like a drowning clown, flapping hands to make sure no ego is ruffled. So the HR person has to implore the greatest level of ‘office diplomacy’ (even Condoleeza will be impressed sometimes and the level of diplomacy we exhibit in our day to handling of employee and relationship management in the office) to ensure that employee does not feel undervalued and without making the manager lose face or look bad in the situation. Sometimes this can be tough.

Over and over I hear leadership gurus state quite strongly that managers need to make a tough call (okay, this is really Jack’s favorite line and he highlighted quite a bit of such situations in his famous “winning” book). However, most managers shy away from making any calls at all and a regular call suddenly become a tough call. When tough call comes, they actually melt in front of it and make a mess of it.

Today an employee came into my office with loads of training information that she will like to go for and in my mind I thought “oh this is trouble”. I did not say so though so I asked if this has been discussed with the manager and I got one of those looks (oh yea, but she is not keyed in). I know that this particular unit is undergoing some serious restructuring which will end up with a possible change in ownership and while training is important, the manager is really focused or consumed by this impending change. I know that this manager expects the team member to understand and that is the bit that is quite niggling. However, both of them have not sat down to discuss how this change will affect individuals in the team in terms of project changes and development/skill needs.

What we see in HR is how things that should and could be nipped at the bud suddenly gets out of hand and become huge issues. Communication is the single most important thing in running a company/team. I know there are other components but employee problems have strong root in either lack of communication or inadequate communication. People need to talk and I am sometimes totally confused on why this is difficult between team leads and their team members. I think that this should be fairly easy if we present the honest picture at all times and show empathy in our approach.

This is not a technical piece truly, but how difficulty is it to talk to and with people that you work with? We as managers(Whoops! Actually, I am a manager, can you beat that?) underrate the ability of our team members to understand ‘serious business issues’. My experiences have shown me that when employees are carried along, they feel more involved and this greatly reduces friction and attrition.

Going back to the employee that stormed into my office with the solutions to her development needs, now I will have to ‘resolve’ this issue and the way I approach this resolution will be very important but since this is what I do so often and have done over the years, it will come fairly easily but in my early years, believe me it would have been catastrophic…Hmmm!! Who says age and experience have nothing to do with it??

2006-09-19T12:36:00.000+01:00

Beating the Blues

Everyone knows the blues and when they hit. (Okay,not everyone, most women). Some people say that it is a natural occurrence with women at some point in their monthly cycle (I will not argue that). I know that I get it every once in a while and since it does not feel like every month, maybe that theory does not apply to me ...It does not mean it is wrong. During the blues I kind of feel sorry for myself but it is usually triggered off by something. Sometimes I am able to identify the 'culprit' sometimes I am not and I do not even think of what triggered it, I just concentrate on getting past the blues.

I was in that mood recently so off to the shops I went...for a "black shirt with a character". I really do not shop often but then the blues come (thank God it is not often), the shops have an amazing allure and buying has a way beating the blues. I stopped at the first shop that is likely to give me what I want (I am not sure about the price) so true to my expectation, they had something. I tried to justify it...it is not too plain, the sleeve is really beautiful...I will take it. So they packed it up for me and I started humming and singing down the stairs on my way back to my car. Now you must agree, I am really a disciplined shopper! I went to one store only in a mall (okay not a mall, a shopping complex more like it)and I was out afterwards. I got home, threw the stuff away at one corner but I am actually happy that I bought something and the blues got temporarily fixed.

Two days later, I picked up the shopping bag from where I dumped it (feeling good again) and I showed my sister who liked it (she likes every new piece of apparel or accessory), then I found out it was the wrong size. They gave me a size 1 instead of size 2(Before you start imagining me as a tiny winy being, these sizing is from another planet where size 1 is equal to US size 6 and British size 10). Come to think of it the designer of this brand must have had a brain wave and thought that since women love to describe themselves in the numerals under 10, he/she will design the clothes not to exceed size 6. Size 6 is the highest in this brand. So I decided that I will return the shirt for the right size.

Off again to this one shop but this time I took the 'wrong' road/route to the shop because I stopped briefly at another shop 'just to see'. When I got there I asked if they had any "Black shirt with a character". The store owner was there (another mistake) and she said "Oh a lot". That should have been an alarm bell in my ears but I smiled instead and like President Bush I mistakenly said "Bring them on!" I rejected most of them until one with big sash and very trendy style was shown to me and when I tried it on, I knew I must have it because it was meant for me - know one of those meant for me type fittings?. So they packed it up for me and again I was singing and humming all the way to the car. I realized that it was too late at this time to get to the other shop to return the other one because I had to go pick up my son from school and since it was the first day of school this session, I was not ready to start it off with a late pick up. I made a mental note to call the shop and explain that my driver will return the shirt.

I did not get to call the shop eventually and so off to the shop again the next day to return this shirt in the wrong size. When I got there, I was told that size 2 may not be available (and I rejoiced in my heart since I had bought one with a very strong character already)but they checked and lo and behold there was size 2. I quickly tried it on and then said to myself, "actually this one is more like a work shirt and the other one is a 'free lancer'so I will buy it". I had them pack it up for me. I wrote the check and left but this time, I was not singing and humming all the way to the car, I was looking at the gapping hole in my account made possible by the quest for a black shirt with a character which came as a result of the blues!!! Next time, I have sworn (no I did not literarily swear ..just a figure of speech)when the blues come, I will put a music tape and just sing along and jump and down until it goes away even if I have to it for hours or days. I am never going to go to any shop not even the bookshop which I pounce on sometimes when the blues come too!!

2006-09-17T21:19:00.000+01:00

The Mystery of Marriage

Marriage is a big mystery to adults...has anyone ever thought of how very confusing it is to children? I certainly cannot remember as a kid if I thought of marriage except when we play mum and dad the way kids usually do.

Today at our usual sunday breakfast (actually we have breakfast as a family only on sundays except that I heard that my son and hubby sneaked out to breakfast ysterday when I went to the office for a couple of hours), my son threw one of those questions that adults have not thought of a prepared answer to give. Not that we prepare for all the questions we get but most mothers have some already made answers for questions like "Mummy how do you make babies"? "How do they get into your stomach". He started by asking me how come I do not know how to play piano so that I can teach him. I said that it is because I was not taught as a kid. He asked again, "did you not go to school?" I said, I did but I was not taught music. He did not understand how someone will go to school and they will not teach the person music. He asked again, "what school did you go to mummy?" I quoted the school I went to as a kid. Again, that sounded like somewhere in the moon to him but he let it be. He continued on the music thing and said, "how come my daddy can play the piano and teach me?" I said it is because his daddy had a piano as a kid and grandpa got him a piano teacher. I went on to say that he will one day be able to play very well since he goes for music lessons.

My smart son then said out of the blues just when I thought we have finished the music and piano discussions "Mummy if you did not have a piano, what did you have?" Honestly, I could not remember what I had (I really did not have a lot of toys growing up and not sure I had anything that will equate to one of his hitech toys today so I mentioned the first thing that came to my mind and I said, "skipping ropes". This brought a lot of laughter but he was okay with that. The next question was the one that totally threw me off my feet. He said, "mummy what else did my daddy have as a kid?" I said "Oh dear, I do not know. I did not know your daddy when he was a kid" This is one that he could not fathom. He retorted, "mummy if you did not know my daddy when he was a kid, how come you married him?" I was going to say, I am not sure how come but I quickly recovered and said, "Oh I met your daddy when we were both grown up and we decided to get married". This was even more confusing because he looked very puzzled and I tried again to explain that actually some people marry people they have known from when they were kids but most people just meet when they are fully grown and old enough to be married. They meet and they realize that they love each other so they get married". I do not think that I convinced him but that was the end of the discussion.

However, this whole episode got me thinking all through the time I was preparing lunch and I thought, mhnn! why do people really marry total strangers? I know there are cultures where people 'arrange' marriages and these kids get to know their spouses while they are growing up. But strangers or people you know and grew up with...whichever way, whichever one, marriage remains a great mystery to adults and to children alike. Suffice it to say that it did not help that in church today, the pastor said over and over again how marriage is a serious matter and not to be treated lightly since it is a choice we made and it is really beyond the gymnastics of our heart beat and the sex energy that drive us crazy at the beginning because all that fade and wane in a very short while. We should understand that it does not mean that it is time to change partners rather, everyone seeking to get married must ensure that it is to someone who will be complementary to his/her purpose and dream and both will wade through the challenges together. I will leave this subject alone to the cousellors and other experts out there. All I know is that it is a big mystery!!!

We want it and we hate it when we get it and we want it again and again...If that is not a mystery, I am not sure I know what could be a greater mystery!!!

2006-09-16T14:23:00.000+01:00

Discipline or 25 hrs day?

School only resumed yesterday and I am already late posting a blog? What a shame I told myself. No one will believe when I remembered that I wrote nothing on my page yesterday... when I was almost falling asleep on my bed at night. I was very sure when I started on this blogging that I will write everyday and that decision was good for two days only. No more promises!!!

School resumed so what ? Well, I went to "Welcome everybody" which happens only at the beginning of a new session and it was hooo haaa!! " How was your summer holidays?", "Did you have fun?" What did you do? Where did you go? Oh my God! It was an earful. It got me thinking. To start with, we do not have a season in Nigeria that is called "summer". We have only rainy and dry season and this holiday in the 'old days' - my days going to school was called 'long vacation'. Beats me how these things change. Now to the question of where did you go? Do kids have to go somewhere other than where they live? No wonder my son was saying when school closed "Mummy, are we going to London or America? I honestly said "None of the above". For some reason, he has made a number of trips to both locations during some holidays and some not during the holidays because before he started proper structured grade school learning, I used to whisk him off on my trips. So I guess it has been taken for granted that he would go or we would go somewhere during every holidays. He actually mentioned the kids in class who were going to London, America and to the moon literarily.

I was honest enough to say that I do not think that we have any plans for "summer holidays" and that we (daddy and myself) are working all through this summer holidays and if he is lucky, he will visit his grand-parents in the East. He was not happy with this. He said, he will like to visit with his grand parents when he comes back from either London or America and so summer holidays began. Now it is over, I will wait to hear the stories from his friends and what he will have to say.

I was talking of writing my page everyday before I digressed to the new generation Nigerians who will import the weather seasons just like we import everything else (culture, belief, values and accents). Woe betide you if you speak with any indegenous accent, everyone will turn and look at you as if you suddenly dropped from the ancient days...sometimes the 'victim' is not even aware and so the ostrasization begins for that unfortunate person (what a world we live in). The list for a person's definition is getting longer, I tell you. I am still digressing from the topic for today and at this rate, I doubt that I will even end up writing about whether my problem is discipline or truly what I need is 25 hours a day.

So I headed to work right after the hoohaa that I mentioned earlier and my colleagues were suprised to see me with full make up on my face. One actually said, "woah!I like your make up" and I said, "thanks, I am just coming from my son's school". She looked lost for a tiny winy bit because she could not make the connection between my make up and going to my son's school. She asked if I needed to wear make up to go there (only she really did not voice the questions)so I quickly told her that I did not want to look out of place. I proceeded to explain how people come to parents seminars and Parents/Teacher meetings looking like we are called for "Paris fashion show". I said that my son is getting older and I do not want him to start noticing that his mum looks rather different from the others...at least since I will not wear the couture fashion to school meetings...I will at least have some make up. Again, I have digressed!!!

Once back to the office, I had my weekly reports to complete and had other meetings that ran into other meetings and it was Friday...you know how it is on Friday evenings. I had not even completed my tasks for that day when the office was thinning out. I thought, well, I came in late, gotta put in some more hours and then I had to head home. Guess I can be pardoned since it is my first Friday blogging and it was not in my calendar ...my life is totally ran out of calendar - Monday to Friday, now I do not know whether that is good or bad!!

2006-09-14T09:19:00.000+01:00

Carrying our life's burden

Yesterday, a colleague sent me one of those stuff that we never know the source but forward around from one recipient to another. I assume that for it to have ended up in my box, the entire world has received it because I am not in that chain email thing. This one was titled ÂThe ant and the contact lensesÂ. Of course there are loads of stories and fables involving ants and each has a moral lesson over the ages so seeing the ant in a story is not particularly strange but I would think contact lenses? ThatÂs a pretty new invention. Anyway, I read the story. I thought it was a pretty nice story about faith and believing that God is able to see us through difficult and seemingly hopeless situations but it was the cartoon that depicted the ant carrying the contact lenses and saying "Lord, I do not know why I am carrying this lead, it is not good for food and it is awfully heavy but if that is what you want me to do, I will do itÂthat caught my attention. Whoops!!!

So many times we have one load we are carrying or the other and sometimes just as we are off loading one, we are taking on another one. Some loads alias burden stay with us for life. As a young girl and even now in my moments when I forget how old I really am, I dare dream and want to look like one actress or model and I just think, if my waist line could just get smaller or my boobs bigger, I will just be the best thing walking the face of the earth and all my problems will be solved. No actually, I will not even have any problems and the dreams change with each illusion that I entertain. (Maybe this happens to just me but it does still happens. Please do not ask how old I am)

Anyway, back to my revelation about burdens, sometimes we imagine that some people we know Âhave no issues or real problemsÂ and we wish to be in their shoes but the truth is everyone has one load which like the ant is not particularly good for food and awfully heavy but that is the way life is. Each time my own load is Âkilling meÂ, I cry out to God and He kind of makes light of it but I am always quick to remind Him that although it may seem light to Him, the load is crushing me.

Okay now, I have to stop Pappee wants to use the laptop..remember him? Told you there will lots of stories on this site about my very smart, wonderful 6 year old son. He says it is his turn to play some games on the lap top.

Recently, there has been a lot of focus on Autism (Time, CNN etc)and how it has been on the increase. However, each case shows parents who are doing everything and will do everything to get help for their children. They have also accepted that they willhave to "carry" this burden for as long as they live. It may not be autism in your case, it may be parent with alzheimer, or the loss of a loved one but we sure do have one "load" or another we carry on the life journey. Some may seem lighter or easier to us when we compare them but like the ant they are really awfully heavy for the people carrying them.

2006-09-13T14:56:00.000+01:00

I work in an office that is full of young people..predominantly members of generation"y" and today in the lounge during lunch, the discussion veered to step aerobics and eventually 'deteriorated' to exercise and gym attendance. This is a conversation that is part of me in this life because I am a protagonist for exercise and eating healthy. Back to the lounge talk: my colleague mentioned that she was late for the last step class and was asked by the instructor to move her board to front and she said to herself "forget it" and she was in no mood to fight. Mhnn!! I chuckled. I did not press her for the reason going to the front will warrant a fight with the step instructor. She said half an hour or so later when the class was over, she regretted not going because the people coming out looked throughly 'worked out' and she has vowed to make the next class.

Interestingly, it was not the step class that was going through my mind but how a little discomfort makes us lose sight of our objective and miss out on our desired result and blessings. How many times has a little obstacle (as little as "move your board and come to the front") has made us suddenly rethink and go back? Each time you meet a hurdle, no matter how little or big, ask yourself, what is my objective in first place? What is my destination? Is this detour ot flat tire or mechanical fault enough to stop me on my journey??

On another story, school will soon resume and I have been thinking of the 'life style changes" that I will need to make int he morning to get my little boy to school and make it to work on time. For some reason the summer holidays seemed like a long time and now I am not sure how it ended so soon. Please watch out for the stories on "bringing up Pappee". Pappee is currently six years and will be going into grade school 2 or primary 2 in a few days.