“Are you saying that it is a feminist thing to have an affair?”
“No, it is not about an affair it is about an alternative. It is about choice. It is telling yourself that there are options and the situation as it is, is not acceptable to you”
The above is a conversation between two women…very obvious isn’t it? When I heard this, I stopped in my tracks, I took off my ‘holier than thou’ hat, and I tried to see things from a different perspective…I am not sure which perspective…really, but I tried.
I listened to the above with a lot of compassion and at the end, I thought, oh my God, what is going on here? I can see exactly, I can actually feel exactly where this woman is coming from. I have always thought that sometimes people are really pushed and they have no option but truly options exist…how about walking away? Since I was not part of this conversation, I could not ask about the ‘walking away’ option.
I tried to imagine the situation …she is no longer in-love with the man…she still loves the man but also in love with another. The man is having an affair so she wants to get back at him. The man no longer loves her and does not want her…there issues and they cannot do it together? I am not sure what the situation is….but it could have been any of the above.
Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification? Is the society that benevolent? Should they be?
How is the woman different from the man? How come he can do it and expect forgiveness, acceptance by the society and women cannot? In certain parts of the world…please do not ask me which parts, they are even hung or put to death for ‘bringing shame’… I will not go into this…NO way!!!
It is not about a man or woman rights, it is not about feminism, it is not about justification as in the case above…it is about choice if you ask me (not sure I am being asked though but I will still talk or write in this case).
The walking away option is really not an option because…
“I cannot walk away because of the children”. “I cannot walk away because I do not want the divorce shame”. “I cannot walk away because I still love him…” “I cannot walk away because you know I like the ‘mrs’ prefix or suffix…” “I cannot walk away because I have invested so much, I have put so much in this relationship”…the reasons abound”. Did I forget this one? “I cannot walk away because God hates divorce”…
Oh, I am sure he hates adultery just as much or what do you think?
So what do you do when you have no option, or when the situation is no longer acceptable to you? Lol…
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4 comments:
I really don't know, maybe because I'm not too possessive. If I'm going out with someone and she cheats on me, I think I'll just break it off and that'll be it -- no cursing, no screaming, no hitting, no getting angry.
Speaking of women cheating, I think it's just one of those rules created to 'put women in their place.' Look everywhere in popular culture from the beginning and the male ideal is a cheat and a very good womanizer who demands loyalty from every single woman. The women on the other hand are supposed to come innocent and untouched.
Good deal.
Doing something just to get back at someone usually results in more hurt, or so I think(?).
Hello namesake
"Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification?"
We shouldn't justify anyone having an affair, either the man or the woman. It's sad when we move from being so much in love with each other and being able to communicate our needs to seeking for 'solace' outside the relationship.
I like the way you said that you listened with compassion cos that is exactly what is needed in such cases..not judgement. At the end of the day the one cheated on needs to seek 'repair' from the ultimate Lover, Jesus.
"Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification?"
I am not sure if one can justify a married person having an affair. But I think I can (most times) understand why.
Sometimes…
the fact is that our custom and traditions were influenced by mean, so the society is structured to favour men. That is why we have polygamy but the reverse is not the case, but then a lot of married women are begining to cheat as well just that they are more discrete about it.
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