Monday, November 12, 2007

How do we deal with pain hurt and life’s challenges?

This morning I was thinking of how it is possible or at least how people claim that they ‘quickly get over an unpleasant experience…accidents, mishaps, loss of a loss one, death of a child (I consider this extremely traumatic), loss of lbody part (hand, leg, eyes) and the like and move on. I hear them on Oprah shows, I read them up in books. They all make it sound so very easy and ‘doable’. The ‘doable’ part I am inclined to believe but then no one really emphasizes the anger and the relatively slow process of getting that anger away before even we can talk of acceptance.

I hear, “I had to accept that and move on”. I think sometimes it is very ‘rational’ and the word is ‘rational’ to accept some things and explain it out to yourself to enable you come to a healing and an acceptance. This is not the normal type thing. A couple of months ago, I was listening to a woman whose 3 kids I think nominated as their hero. They live out of Texas and were victims of that hurricane whatever it was called that ripped part of the city about 2 years ago.

The irony of this story is that this woman’s husband is a firefighter has gone off on a rescue mission duty when it was announced that the hurricane will be passing their home… he called his wife who said she has heard and plans to take whatever safety measure could be taken because it was very short notice and not time to evacuate or leave at all.

Shortly afterwards the hurricane ‘passed through’ and ripped everything and leveled everything called structure down while they were in the basement I believe. The woman sheltered his three children with her body and she was hit and I mean really hit and today she is paralyzed as a result of that from the waist down. I really did cry seeing her on TV and listening to her story. My first reaction was “I will do the same” and I know thousands of mothers who would do the same (I am not sure I want to say all mothers will do the same). I then asked myself, how will I accept this tragedy? I think I will look at the my kids unharmed and thank Almighty God and I think I will accept the tragedy faster and easier than if I was just hit in an office for instance or had an accident at age 40 and paralyzed now with 3 kids to take care of.

What am I trying to say? I guess I am saying that acceptance of changes, traumatic changes and incidents in our lives can be quite hard to accept and that self help therapist and books make it sound a little easy as if some of us who are angry for a while and struggle to come to terms with it over a long period are not doing well. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is of the same Pentecostal faith with me on a recent experience that I had. I was saying that I was struggling so hard and was wondering why God allowed that to happen and I said that as a Christian it was a lot easier to deal with it because I still have to cry out to this same God who is my anchor and since I am in full knowledge of His word concerning passing through rough times, I am comforted by those but it does not take away the hurt and it does not take away my ‘human response’ to this situation.

I think that when we have a very shaking, traumatic experience or incident in our lives we should not let people talk us into this ‘accept and move on’ and if we are not doing that, we think there is something wrong with us. I am not staying we should stay there and wallow in our pain and self pity. Truly that can be very destructive but I am saying that for some people it will take a week and for some people it will take a year. The important thing is to know that you are ‘working on it’ and know when to get help if you are not the bible clinging and God holding person. I also think it is okay to get angry. I hate when people say, I was not angry and there is no need for you to get angry…there is need…it happened to you and you alone know the pain you are going through and you alone wet your pillows at night or cry in the seclusion of your toilet (at least those are my two weeping spots) but the tears are not tears of helplessness or self pity they are usually tears of pain that you are going through and the tears reduce the heaviness in your heart. The tears help you mourn the loss.

Okido…no matter what you are going through today, no matter what you are struggling with, it is important to know that God will not let it come your way if He will not be there to carry you or hold your hands through it. Do not berate yourself if you are still crying about it long after everyone thinks you should have stopped crying. In any of such situations, there is a good side, sometimes in our tears we cannot see it but it is there…because God always sends the sun no matter how long and how hard the rain falls.