Saturday, April 21, 2007

Stranger than fiction

In this part of the world strange things happen…elections mean prison for the electorates…should really tell people that nothing has changed…how are we supposed to believe in a system that does not trust its people?…if they do not trust us to vote without imprisoning us, how are we to believe that they will do the right thing…they just want to lock us up so that they will have freedom to rig the election?…stranger than fiction…not to talk about rampage in schools …this is a strange era in the history of mankind. My tears have not stopped flowing following the Virginia Tech shootings of last week.

Since I could not find my voters card, even if I found it, there are no ballot papers I was told because it is still being printed. I think our out going aka staying behind the puppet president should stand trial for taking a whole nation for a big ride but I will leave that to the politicians...I was trying to utilize the prison time to tidy up and put a few things in order. I started with a tote bag that have spanned different phases of my life and while sorting out the papers, old bank statements, I stumbled on my diary…(oh I do keep diaries and I write quite a lot in them…safe and incriminating bits)…there will be tales when I leave this terrible place but I am not in a hurry I am still enjoying life on this part of existence and I still have quite a bit to do although these past weeks, I have been questioning that…but that is another story. Okay, before I digressed which I do pretty well, I stumbled into this piece I wrote for a heartthrob so many years ago and I thought I share a bit of my secrets out here…I share quite a bit though…

Long ago I said that you would forever be a part of me
I meant it with my whole heart and soul
And yet, after all this time, I am always amazed at just how strongly I still feel that
More than ever, I celebrate your joys, and I hurt when you are hurting
Your love must have touched the very core of my being that I can still be so deeply moved by what happens in your life
The place you have in my hear grows more special with time
It is just as much feeling that I tell you today as I once told you long ago…
You will forever be a part of me.

Whao!!! Please ask no question so that I tell no lies…
…who did I write it to…is it the same person I married?
Do I still feel this way about this person?....ask no question…just enjoy the piece

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

When it is a Woman

“Are you saying that it is a feminist thing to have an affair?”

“No, it is not about an affair it is about an alternative. It is about choice. It is telling yourself that there are options and the situation as it is, is not acceptable to you”

The above is a conversation between two women…very obvious isn’t it? When I heard this, I stopped in my tracks, I took off my ‘holier than thou’ hat, and I tried to see things from a different perspective…I am not sure which perspective…really, but I tried.

I listened to the above with a lot of compassion and at the end, I thought, oh my God, what is going on here? I can see exactly, I can actually feel exactly where this woman is coming from. I have always thought that sometimes people are really pushed and they have no option but truly options exist…how about walking away? Since I was not part of this conversation, I could not ask about the ‘walking away’ option.

I tried to imagine the situation …she is no longer in-love with the man…she still loves the man but also in love with another. The man is having an affair so she wants to get back at him. The man no longer loves her and does not want her…there issues and they cannot do it together? I am not sure what the situation is….but it could have been any of the above.

Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification? Is the society that benevolent? Should they be?

How is the woman different from the man? How come he can do it and expect forgiveness, acceptance by the society and women cannot? In certain parts of the world…please do not ask me which parts, they are even hung or put to death for ‘bringing shame’… I will not go into this…NO way!!!

It is not about a man or woman rights, it is not about feminism, it is not about justification as in the case above…it is about choice if you ask me (not sure I am being asked though but I will still talk or write in this case).

The walking away option is really not an option because…
“I cannot walk away because of the children”. “I cannot walk away because I do not want the divorce shame”. “I cannot walk away because I still love him…” “I cannot walk away because you know I like the ‘mrs’ prefix or suffix…” “I cannot walk away because I have invested so much, I have put so much in this relationship”…the reasons abound”. Did I forget this one? “I cannot walk away because God hates divorce”…
Oh, I am sure he hates adultery just as much or what do you think?

So what do you do when you have no option, or when the situation is no longer acceptable to you? Lol…

Thursday, April 12, 2007

What Makes Lasting Memories?

What Makes Lasting Memories?

I read something a couple days, weeks ago, a very ordinary story but something in the story struck me and really deeply, what makes lasting memories? We all have a chest of cherished memories in our hearts…some things we think about when we reminiscent and we smile and if you are like me, somethings I have erased completely from my memory because they are not worth occupying the space. People around wonder how I am able to do this but I do it successfully even when I want to remember them I don’t.

It is amazing that our cherished memories or special events in our lives that we hold dear are big events…birth of our children, marriage, the first time we met, this outing or that outing and sometimes they are also sad events. But truly, can we think of the moments that someone smiled at us when we so desperately needed a smile or hug or something? What about a kind statement? Recently a lady sent me a one liner and it was really a kind word, I smiled and I kind of got some energy to move on. Such memories are not expensive, they are not big events but they touch our lives.

Life is short they say but truly we live several hours a day and several days when put together, so the journey of life is pretty long and can be arduous…oh maybe not for all but we are blessed in so many many ways to help us along this journey…what we give and what we see, what we say, the lives we touch they will create lasting memories…memories for who, one may ask? Memories for the living…ever thought of it, memories are the ones left for the living. I have always believed that longevity is not a right…it is a promise of God and He alone has the prerogative and He will show mercy upon whom He will show mercy…but since this is not a sermon, I am only trying to point out that no matter how long we live, no matter how short it may appear…we have ample time to create lasting memories and guess what…those memories also help us even in our life time…we smile when we remember them, we are encouraged, when we create them and our lives improve because of these.

Ask yourself, what makes lasting memories for you …not your collection of goodies and we all like different goodies (some pretty expensive) but those are they lasting memories? What will they remember you for? I think of this and have thought about it for several years…when I am no longer here, what will I be remembered for? The good part is that I have every opportunity to create that…isn’t that an awesome privilege that has been given to us?

Tipping down and Over

What can I say? It has been a crazy period. There has been so much going on in and around me.

Around me is easier to deal with because I can blame work, infrastructure which has been erratic, demand on my time etc but the hardest part is the turmoil inside of me.

When I say it has been crazy, I really do mean it in every letter of the word…not sure how I have gotten from one day to the other. I truly felt like I was drowning and grappling …the hours in day did not seem enough and I was losing control. Anyone been there when it seems like things are spiraling out of control?

That is where I have been. I was thrown into two projects with a client and all too demanding…the sad part of that is that I was not prepared for it prior but in this time and period in business we are all supposed to be like “boys scout of old right?” Be prepared!!! So I went vroom on the projects and here I am they have both kicked off and I am on a high …oh well not quite…

On a personal level, I kind of feel like I was losing control of my drive and my passion…and that is very disturbing. Every once in a while we go through a dry spell but it is dangerous if we stay there for too long then we lapse into self pity and sometimes it takes longer to come out and for some people it becomes frustrating and then for some people it signals depression…now that is a genius speaking…can you beat that? …I have become a psycho analyst but then these things are not rocket science.

Not making light of things… when something has a fault, you contact the authorized service provider and in this case I went straight to the manufacturer and He is fixing things up.

It brings me to a very good point, something I have been wanting to write about…are you spiraling up or down in your present state/career? Do you even give it a thought? I know we all did some soul searching and introspection just at the end of the last year and made decisions of what we are going to do differently or focus on this year…and guess what, we have spent a quarter of the year already and if we are not already rolling on that vision or walking on that road…it is time to wake up.

If you are like me who has experienced different challenges so far and feeling like the year is almost over, then it is time to do some soul searching and see what is draining your energy, passion and drive so that you can do something about it. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and hugging yourself in self pity.