Often what we say or maybe I should say what I hear is “I really do not care what people think…I do not give a damn if that what he/she thinks…”and phrases like that. However, things come back to us and we wonder why anyone will describe us as they do or say things about us…we tend to forget our initial position on what people think.
We often say people have a right to their opinions and views, at what point should those views and opinions cross the line and become issues for us? If we are not bothered as we claim we are not and then we act the way we want or believe we should act and people read those actions and form their opinions and how come we worry and bitch about what they are saying about us? I have seen these problems in different settings, the conclusion then is that we truly care about what people say about us or think of us.
In the part of the world where I come from not just the country….inside the country I come from an exclusive part and they have their own inherent idiosyncrasies, if you meet an elderly person and introduce yourself and say you are from this village or that village, the first he says is “Who in the village is your father, actually they put it so bluntly “who gave birth to you in that village?”…and when you call your father’s name or your grand-father’s name, the old man or woman will draw his conclusions on who you are or what stuff you are made of. I agree that is not a fair or true reflection of the truth since we are all different and have our own missions and composition but as they say “blood does not lie” and the apple falls not too far from its tree”.
Recently, I have witnessed a very funny incident in the office that got me thinking. Our actions have a ripple effect. It is surprising that we do not think of the response of the people around us when we make decisions or act in certain ways. People who incidentally have a right to their own opinion and choice of response to our actions exercise their rights and we complain that they are either ‘spoiling our names’ or ‘spreading untruthful (short of saying false) information about us’…all they have done is make a choice of responding to our actions and attitude.
Someone will say that we do not have a right to judge anyone and I agree with that claim totally but what is the defining line between our perception of people, our interpretation of their actions and judgment? It must be a very fine line. Plus we never know who we truly are or how we would respond to situations that we have drawn conclusions about people on until we are confronted with the same situation…anyone ever remember the movie – “Crash”? Examples abound…yet we act recklessly, talk recklessly, and say we do not care and then we turn around and we care about what people are saying about us?
We must learn to sow good seeds in actions and words so that we can reap the fruits. It is impossible to sow an orange seed and it will produce apple. However, I understand that soil composition can make a sweet apple seed produce sour apple. As human beings God has blessed us with intelligence and gave us freewill to choose and that gift can either make us or destroy us (man), again the choice is ours. Whether we care or not about what our friends think, or our colleagues think, it is important for us to ask ourselves first, what report we want of ourselves and see if we truly do not care.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
People who claim not to be bothered by what people say about them either have very thick skins [like me!] or are very good at hiding when they're hurt.
I agree with you on being judgmental. Everyone is to a greater or lesser extent judgmental of one thing or the other. Again, we have differetn levels of being vocal about it.
Its a weird society that places importance on finicky things. I remember calling my uncle's house and asking to speak with my cousins but it was his new wife that picked up the fone. Her question after I told her I was their cousin and wanted to speak to one of the kids in the house (mentioning the person's name) was: "Who are you and who are ur parents?" It hurt me no end!!!
Of course we care what report we want of ourselves. Anyone who says otherwise would be fooling his or herself.
Lovely post! I must say I'm one of those who always say "I really don't care what people say or think aout me" but I do know that sometimes I care... Its all a question of "Who thinks What?" For instance, I do care what my family thinks about me and on the reverse don't give a hoot about what my neighbours think...
I feel you on the village thing.. When I meet an 'elder' from my villa, they usally ask "who is your father?" and of course they use that to determine what kind of person they think you would be...
As for free will, its free.. and most people don't use it well..
Ah...
One of my fav topics.
I would have to say that I am one of those people that Azuka was refering to "i have a very thick skin" I truly do not care what people think because I realized as i was growing up that everyone is going to have a different view no matter what you do...sad but true!
...if youre nice...some pple will like it, some will call you submissive, some will call you an ass kisses, some will say youre syrupy!
if you dont take crap...some pple will call you bitchy...some will call you determined...some will call it too harsh...some will call it angry...some will call it no nonsense!
I think you get my drift.
We can never please people. So try to set your own rules , which also balances out your feelings and those of others- already knowing that you wont please everyone, but you hopefully pleased yourself, without offending too many others!
look at it this way:
People think they have choice. But they don't. They act within a gevin set of variables of choices available at a gevin time. Humans are very predictable, to the extent that if you know a few things about them (like why he uses his left more, or how much he loved his parents, or even how he holds a cigarette) you could paint a picture of (accuracy not a requirement) what and who they are.
People need opinions, they need to at least have some kind of information on at least everyone/everything, but with the least effort necessary. It's human nature, and anyone that doesn't act like this is unique, but it doesn't make the person any less judgemental than the norm.
I expect little of everyone. If you score higher, good for you. But you dont even have to score at all, that's how you're made.
Wheeew!!! Touchy subject this is...thick skin, not very thick, even flimsy skin...botton line we all care at some point. We can set the boundary for the caring...my family, my close friends etc. but caring we do!
I tend to agree with all the comments. I maintain that it is important for us to sow good seeds with our own actions (including the lip and tongue activities..I mean talking not other activities for those of you with crooked thoughts)because we reap what we sow. I also think we should be less judgemental because, we never usually have the full picture... we always see in part.Azuka could not be more right on this.
bluntremi...what can I say, you got it all covered...it depends on where you are sitting...
calabar gal, nyemoni...I think the village style is what we call 'psychometrics analysis today' only theirs is still crude or what do you think???
Nice one, really nice. I wish there was a way of sending you a message or email.
I'd like to publish some of your postings on my website: www.234world.com
What do you say?
Nkoyo.(nkoyo.gill@softiris.net)
Post a Comment