Fulfillment, Happiness …illusions

How often do we say, imagine, day dream and wish:
If only we can get this or that or achieve this level of success or the other or land one job (which we picture in our minds) or get involved in a meaningful relationship or if our boyfriend would show some commitment and propose and the list goes on and on.
Did I almost forget to mention the child syndrome …if only I could have one child or two (in my own case) and then life will be so complete or if our spouses will love us more ( am not sure what this means…you know love more), be less controlling, less selfish, less insensitive…in short very often, we are in the wrong relationship…there is a picture out there that is more promising…

How can I forget lose weight and be a size 1 or 2 (now that they are banning skinny models from some runways, we may increase our expectation to size 4 I guess), wear sexy and fashionable clothes and not always look at the thighs and hips when we test clothes., then we are on way to happiness and fulfillment… (the weight thing is a real problem. I think we need to rethink fashion…I do not mean the plus sizes…I mean one size fits all but lets talk about that another day.

How about we have some trust fund (like Paris Hilton) and we never need to work (although we can sing and release a CD that only our parents and publicist will buy) we will be so very happy and what about the kids not getting into the wrong groups…believe me the list goes on and on…I can even include shoes and bags (at least I have been thinking of buying one bag in the last few days but I attached no intrinsic value to this bag) but I am sure that there are people out there, having the means and access to designer stuff will be the ultimate (actually there was a girl like that in the “Devil wears prada” movie and movies reflect real life situations). One of my friends once said that “is only she could buy one bag that had $1,400 price tag on it, she will not need another bag for a long time…she did not say, she will be happy for a whole day at least.

There is nothing new. We all know that material things count very little (okay, we can do with the very little I guess) but our source of happiness and peace and fulfillment will not come from all these things. They are not physical and cannot be attained through any physical thing. I do not think that they are entirely up to us however, the decision to seek what give these ultimate desires is entirely up to us.

Here is a piece I read today that got me thinking and rattling away. I did not write it. Although it is only about relationship...my point...no human being or anything has the ability to provide these desires for us.

When we're incomplete, we're always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we're still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on--series polygamy--until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.

Tom R