The Mystery of Marriage

Marriage is a big mystery to adults...has anyone ever thought of how very confusing it is to children? I certainly cannot remember as a kid if I thought of marriage except when we play mum and dad the way kids usually do.

Today at our usual sunday breakfast (actually we have breakfast as a family only on sundays except that I heard that my son and hubby sneaked out to breakfast ysterday when I went to the office for a couple of hours), my son threw one of those questions that adults have not thought of a prepared answer to give. Not that we prepare for all the questions we get but most mothers have some already made answers for questions like "Mummy how do you make babies"? "How do they get into your stomach". He started by asking me how come I do not know how to play piano so that I can teach him. I said that it is because I was not taught as a kid. He asked again, "did you not go to school?" I said, I did but I was not taught music. He did not understand how someone will go to school and they will not teach the person music. He asked again, "what school did you go to mummy?" I quoted the school I went to as a kid. Again, that sounded like somewhere in the moon to him but he let it be. He continued on the music thing and said, "how come my daddy can play the piano and teach me?" I said it is because his daddy had a piano as a kid and grandpa got him a piano teacher. I went on to say that he will one day be able to play very well since he goes for music lessons.

My smart son then said out of the blues just when I thought we have finished the music and piano discussions "Mummy if you did not have a piano, what did you have?" Honestly, I could not remember what I had (I really did not have a lot of toys growing up and not sure I had anything that will equate to one of his hitech toys today so I mentioned the first thing that came to my mind and I said, "skipping ropes". This brought a lot of laughter but he was okay with that. The next question was the one that totally threw me off my feet. He said, "mummy what else did my daddy have as a kid?" I said "Oh dear, I do not know. I did not know your daddy when he was a kid" This is one that he could not fathom. He retorted, "mummy if you did not know my daddy when he was a kid, how come you married him?" I was going to say, I am not sure how come but I quickly recovered and said, "Oh I met your daddy when we were both grown up and we decided to get married". This was even more confusing because he looked very puzzled and I tried again to explain that actually some people marry people they have known from when they were kids but most people just meet when they are fully grown and old enough to be married. They meet and they realize that they love each other so they get married". I do not think that I convinced him but that was the end of the discussion.

However, this whole episode got me thinking all through the time I was preparing lunch and I thought, mhnn! why do people really marry total strangers? I know there are cultures where people 'arrange' marriages and these kids get to know their spouses while they are growing up. But strangers or people you know and grew up with...whichever way, whichever one, marriage remains a great mystery to adults and to children alike. Suffice it to say that it did not help that in church today, the pastor said over and over again how marriage is a serious matter and not to be treated lightly since it is a choice we made and it is really beyond the gymnastics of our heart beat and the sex energy that drive us crazy at the beginning because all that fade and wane in a very short while. We should understand that it does not mean that it is time to change partners rather, everyone seeking to get married must ensure that it is to someone who will be complementary to his/her purpose and dream and both will wade through the challenges together. I will leave this subject alone to the cousellors and other experts out there. All I know is that it is a big mystery!!!

We want it and we hate it when we get it and we want it again and again...If that is not a mystery, I am not sure I know what could be a greater mystery!!!