How do we deal with pain hurt and life’s challenges?

This morning I was thinking of how it is possible or at least how people claim that they ‘quickly get over an unpleasant experience…accidents, mishaps, loss of a loss one, death of a child (I consider this extremely traumatic), loss of lbody part (hand, leg, eyes) and the like and move on. I hear them on Oprah shows, I read them up in books. They all make it sound so very easy and ‘doable’. The ‘doable’ part I am inclined to believe but then no one really emphasizes the anger and the relatively slow process of getting that anger away before even we can talk of acceptance.

I hear, “I had to accept that and move on”. I think sometimes it is very ‘rational’ and the word is ‘rational’ to accept some things and explain it out to yourself to enable you come to a healing and an acceptance. This is not the normal type thing. A couple of months ago, I was listening to a woman whose 3 kids I think nominated as their hero. They live out of Texas and were victims of that hurricane whatever it was called that ripped part of the city about 2 years ago.

The irony of this story is that this woman’s husband is a firefighter has gone off on a rescue mission duty when it was announced that the hurricane will be passing their home… he called his wife who said she has heard and plans to take whatever safety measure could be taken because it was very short notice and not time to evacuate or leave at all.

Shortly afterwards the hurricane ‘passed through’ and ripped everything and leveled everything called structure down while they were in the basement I believe. The woman sheltered his three children with her body and she was hit and I mean really hit and today she is paralyzed as a result of that from the waist down. I really did cry seeing her on TV and listening to her story. My first reaction was “I will do the same” and I know thousands of mothers who would do the same (I am not sure I want to say all mothers will do the same). I then asked myself, how will I accept this tragedy? I think I will look at the my kids unharmed and thank Almighty God and I think I will accept the tragedy faster and easier than if I was just hit in an office for instance or had an accident at age 40 and paralyzed now with 3 kids to take care of.

What am I trying to say? I guess I am saying that acceptance of changes, traumatic changes and incidents in our lives can be quite hard to accept and that self help therapist and books make it sound a little easy as if some of us who are angry for a while and struggle to come to terms with it over a long period are not doing well. I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is of the same Pentecostal faith with me on a recent experience that I had. I was saying that I was struggling so hard and was wondering why God allowed that to happen and I said that as a Christian it was a lot easier to deal with it because I still have to cry out to this same God who is my anchor and since I am in full knowledge of His word concerning passing through rough times, I am comforted by those but it does not take away the hurt and it does not take away my ‘human response’ to this situation.

I think that when we have a very shaking, traumatic experience or incident in our lives we should not let people talk us into this ‘accept and move on’ and if we are not doing that, we think there is something wrong with us. I am not staying we should stay there and wallow in our pain and self pity. Truly that can be very destructive but I am saying that for some people it will take a week and for some people it will take a year. The important thing is to know that you are ‘working on it’ and know when to get help if you are not the bible clinging and God holding person. I also think it is okay to get angry. I hate when people say, I was not angry and there is no need for you to get angry…there is need…it happened to you and you alone know the pain you are going through and you alone wet your pillows at night or cry in the seclusion of your toilet (at least those are my two weeping spots) but the tears are not tears of helplessness or self pity they are usually tears of pain that you are going through and the tears reduce the heaviness in your heart. The tears help you mourn the loss.

Okido…no matter what you are going through today, no matter what you are struggling with, it is important to know that God will not let it come your way if He will not be there to carry you or hold your hands through it. Do not berate yourself if you are still crying about it long after everyone thinks you should have stopped crying. In any of such situations, there is a good side, sometimes in our tears we cannot see it but it is there…because God always sends the sun no matter how long and how hard the rain falls.

Madeline, Jena 6 and O.J. Simpson

Honestly, I am tired of giving excuses as if I am the only with so much going on in her life. Henceforth, I will jut put up a bold face when i have taken a long break from blogging or even visiting favorite blogsites...

There has been just so much I wanted to write about but never got round to doing anything...I am almost ending up like the people I counsel and tell not to just think of doing it but go ahead and take some action.

Madeline Mcain
First I wanted to express my shock and continuous disbelief that Madeline Mcain's parents have anything to do with her disappearance. If this is proven, I am sure to lose all faith in human race (not that I have that much faith)...I am one of the people who believe that the police have not been able to solve this and are just looking for something to hang on. It has to be. Does anyone think differently? How come this issue is even showing up on my blogsite among everything else that I want to talk about? I guess, I am greatly puzzled by the recent or rather the last turn out of events in this matter.

Jena 6
Secondly, I have been very worried about the Jena 6...the six black high school students imprisoned and facing trial for 'attempted murder' of a white boy...yes indeed. The events leading up to the beating now renamed "attempted murder" is most disturbing. Can you imagine in the year 2007 that there is a tree in a school that only 'white boys can sit on'... wonders will never end I tell you!!! The things that still go on in America are mind boggling and they want to solve the problem of the rest of the world when they have not even been able to resolve their domestic problem...talk about freedom and defence of freedom.

I like President bush no matter what anyone says but to think that there is something like this going on in the US in this year and age and he is busy defending democracy and freedom of mankind in middle east (he has very little interest in Africa...) is something that he should stop and ponder...guys tell me where to send advise to so that he can see what I really think about this Jena 6 issue.

O.J Simpson
How much and how far can a man be a fool. I really do not want to call any man made by God a fool but Oj sure qualifies now really. How can O.J whom the whole of America (which is equal to the whole world in the eyes of americans) think that he is guilty ever imagine that he can play the last joke on himself and get away with it. Without joining any school of thought, I think he is a fool. How could he walk into such set up? I am waiting to see how this unfolds. They have been lurking around him waiting for him to even sneeze with the wrong nose so that he can be jailed then he had the guts to play some pranks with or without gun...although no one has said he was carrying any gun yet but some one in his gang group had 'weapon'. Not only did he put focus on himself recently with "If I did it" book which reopened wounds in people's mind and soul...he now decided to act like a high school boy. If you ask me, something is really wrong with the guy.

Now that I have ranted off all the things that I have been thinking about that are all problems of "the world" maybe I can now focus on my own issues. Tii hee!!!

Homeless to Harvard

Something I have always believed and preach is that we all have a choice to what we want to be and who we become. Personally, I think though that some people are able to come to this “point of decision” very early in life and some quite late and some never do.

I watched a movie that touched the core of my heart and soul yesterday titled “Homeless to Harvard” and it brought home this very truth. The question I pondered though was "how possible is it to make this decision early enough before it is too late?" How come some people are focused from birth and others float and others get to be kicked and pushed towards making something meaningful out of their lives and the ones that never do blame God, society, parents sometimes even siblings for taking the entire love that their parents had for all. I have seen and heard so many ridiculous excuses and reasons why people ended up being a problem to society and disgrace to God who sent them here but that is a topic for another.

We certainly do have a choice of what we become and what we make of of our lives. We are responsible to ourselves and for whatever decisions we make. It is often disheartening to hear people say “I had no choice”…there is always a choice open to us. Without getting religious about this, because I was going to quote the bible that says there are always two doors open to us…let me skip that now…we do have a choice. We make and have made some poor choices in life (I have at least) but we have also opportunity if we have life to make a “U” turn and do the right thing.

Sometimes people say “too much water has passed under the bridge’ so what? You are still not drowning under that bridge are you? If you can discern that too much water has passed under the bridge, then you can make some adjustments. In this movie, this girl “turned herself homeless” although she could say “I had no choice” but from my point of view there was really no difference between her home and the streets that she chose. Her mother and her father are both under drugs and are HIV positive…her mother in addition was legally blind and was dying …how homeless can one become? She loved both parents and wished that they made better choices but I never heard a word or a tone of condemnation of judgment... a big lesson for me.

The turning point of the movie and her life was when she like the prodigal son of the bible decided it was time to make a change and determined that no matter what she will make the desired changed. She started knocking on “closed doors” and insisting that those doors be opened to her. She also realized that she has wasted her time and her life and was determined to pay the ‘debt”. Now that is one thing that is tough. Some of us even when we have decided to make the change will like to wish the consequences of our mistakes and poor decisions away. It is usually the bitter pill that we find so difficult to manage. She took 10 courses per term (killing herslef like the teacher said)…finished 4 years high school program in two years because she wasted her years on the street (all still homeless)…and in her words “Now I am going to college and Wall Street Journal is paying”…she actually got the most coveted scholarship and went to Harvard.

What is stopping you from becoming who and what you dream to be??

The annoying interpretations and categorizations

Honestly I am getting a bit weary of the labels that are put on women… Before I go any further, let me make it clear that I am not a feminist whatever that means and I am not a female folk advocate… I like men and can demonstrate that… I like men in all their glory… but truly, it is getting annoying a bit when you hear all the categories and pressure groups and labels that are put on women.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend. My friend is a gentleman of 77 years…yes 77 (no typo here) although when he talks he sounds and I guess he assumes that he is still 35. My friend is ‘single’…whatever that means. I have known him now for 12 years and my son thinks he is the oldest person in the whole universe… he is Srilankan and very hairy… all hairs are pure white not just gray so he looks a sight…(he will kill me if he ever reads this piece. The last time we saw him was 2 years or so ago in Lagos. He used to live in Washington DC but moved back home last year…we ran into him during this vacation and he invited me out for lunch.

Over lunch he was telling me about his time in Srilanka…he plays golf for life now…and he was ‘lamenting’ about how the women are all over him…(go figure) and I said “really…tell me more” and he went on about how the town is full of divorced women in their 50s and 60s looking for ‘single men like him’…who they want for companions.

It was like something went off in my head… I said how come it is only women who are always desperate at every stage of our lives?? In our 30s and 40s we are desperate for marriage so we are always supposed to be ‘avoided’… then again 50s and 60s it is no longer that we desperately want to get married…now we desperately want a companion…how come we are always wanting something from men. How about men?? Don’t they get desperate at some point?? Are they not human??

Really this is not about being a woman and wanting to protect women, I believe that we are whole beings and complete at every stage of our lives. If we get married, it is because both men and women have a need for each other. I do not believe that one gender needs the marriage more than the other. Given that women have put some time constraint to when this should happen but that is ‘man made’. God has a plan for each of us male or female, married or single. I just think that people should stop putting labels on any particular gender under whatever categorization…age, size, height etc. A man desires companionship just like a woman and same goes for marriage. Hopefully, my friend got the message and like I said, I am not a feminist but it hurts to think that at every stage our lives as women we are “out for something”.

A smile from the heart

We have all experienced, witnessed if not received a great smile at some point in our lives from someone…it is the kind of smile that radiates warmth, love and real honest appreciation …especially when you receive it for nothing except crossing the givers path to merit it.

This morning as I went for my run, I experienced one of those smiles. I have a couple of running routes and I kind of alternate them not on any formal arrangement but when I get out in the morning, I head one way or the other… sometimes I run the same route two or three days in a row…depending on how I feel (some routes are easier…less hills). Anyway, this morning, there were these two elderly women I saw on my way up the “hill” and they were coming from the opposite direction. The first thought that went through my mind was that I certainly will like to have a friend to call up about 6:30 am to say “it is time for our walk” when I am in my 60s and beyond.

It was obvious that this is something they do often. They were relaxed and purposeful in their movements (yes I could tell and see all these within the short period) because I had time looking at them as I was running up to them. However, they were on the other side of the road so I had no very close contact. This route is like a crescent…circular…so running around you can meet same people again and again and this was what happened.

I ran into two the two lovely ladies and this time on the same side of the road and one of them gave me a wave and I looked up and the smile I received was unexpected, unprecedented and straight from the heart. I was not only happy and returned the smile but it made a deep impression right away and it occurred to me that I cannot remember the last time if ever I have received such a great smile…. Mine must have screamed “thank you” thank you very much”…”you have made my day” actually it blessed my day. The effect of this smile stayed with me all day and I remember and visualize the elderly but fresh face filled with that smile and even now that I write I am still amazed as I did not know or rather have not experienced such profound effect from just a smile.

I am not saying that we should smile sheepishly at people (like those stale and frigid smiles on London underground) but a true smile from the heart can make a person’s day (it made mine) and help them on the life’s journey (even if it is for a short while). Looking this woman, I also came to the conclusion that some people have this and they effortlessly offer it…it is a way of life. Now, you cannot give what you do not have and for such smiles to come from within…the heart must be at peace not necessarily without burden or care but at peace with who you are, at peace with where you are and at peace with where you are headed…

Give a smile today…

Looking gorgeous is serious business

Looking gorgeous (must have different definitions) is serious business…no matter the point you view it from. Yesterday, I went out to the mall (an upscale mall) two stops away from Pentagon…

I like to go to that part of the city not only because I get to pass the well dressed military men of God’s own county…looking impeccable and well groomed in their uniforms, I get to see all sorts of good looking and well dressed and not-so-well-dressed people as well…

Today though a gorgeous 40 something (at least by my estimation) may be older but not less bounced into the food court with this guy (both of them in obvious gym outfit…definitely coming out of the gym)…the lady only in sports bra (but this is summer and summer I America…anything goes)… )… baring this “want to kill abs and midribs …they exhume “I have just had a great work out”…and heads did turn…men and women alike…some admiration, some jealousy, others envy and some sheer lust… Moi, I was…mhh! To have this look, I gotta kill myself since I am definitely not having any intrusion…(remember my earlier piece on this?)

All of us were having a hearty meal and guess where these two people strolled to? Mr Smoothie…all fresh and organic…fruits only stand…No wonder I said to myself and they unassumingly strolled out again with their smoothie of orange, and other exotic fruits…Yours truly I continued with my carry out from Panda express of hearty bourbon chicken and mixed vegetables…told myself “you are not doing badly at least it is not pizza or burger… you know what I mean? But suffice it to say that it cured me of the frapuccino that I was going to go for at the starbucks stand once I was done with my food. Instead, I drank up my water and headed out feeling like the 40 something lady with a killer body even though I can feel the excess fats and spare tires bulging out and going up and down…my excuses has been old age catching up on me but that must be lame excuses … don’t you think???

So now, I am on a mission to tone, trim and firm …gotta look gorgeous only it looks like it will be a whole lot of work…wish me luck!!!

Back with a vengeance

Oh my God...I do not even know where to start...I kind of think that I have forgotten blogging except that I have been looking forward to this time...yes! yes! and full fist yes!!! I have sometime off work and I will devote most of this time to keep this site up to date and to share the many things that have been going on these weeks, months that I hardly posted anything here.

I am on vacation...whose idea is it anyway to head west at this time of the year? How come everyone is asking "where are you off this summer?" Believe it or not, summer is now a season in Nigeria. I mentioned this in my earlier blogs...and come to think of it, this is site is a year...how time flies but I will be making my anniversary blog post later not today. Anyway, it is so hot out here that it makes the Niger sun and heat a child's play oh at least I do not live up north in Abuja and Sokoto so I cannot compare adequately...

Tired of answering the questions, and also finally getting the draining project that I have been on in some form of order and closure, it was time to take a breathing space and attend to other matters of interest and well being. So, I planned a vacation...yea yea yea...pappee is with me but he is in a summer camp...which is good and I get to do some fun things...run in the moring, come home and crash in front of Tv watching daytime soaps and opening books in front of me and thinking I will eventually get to read them before the day is over.

I have been so drained, tired and old age is finally catching up on me if not, how come I was alsmost losing it just be the sheer pressure of work? I indeed undertook a big project and it was not only stressful, it drained me physically and mentally and at the end of th 4th month, I knew that if I am to be useful again professionally, I need sometime to recup, rejuvenate and have my soul restored.

Talking of my soul, I am also embarking on a study of different books of the bible personally and also attending some bible school teaching. I think this is an important time of my life and I need to get to where I need to be and the only to it is to learn at the feet of the great teacher. So on this vacation, there will be more meditations...in the word...know what I mean?

So Pappee and I are in God's own country..(where better to be ...?)... Did I mention that I am also in need of retail therapy?? As you can tell by now, there is just so much to do even though it is a vacation but all these are not work... actually I have not missed work that much. I dare say that I will be doing very light work via email but I will not be called into countless meetings and I will not be in traffic shuttling to one meeting or the other...

When our Desires are yet unfulfilled

I have chosen a very unusual title for this piece because this is what the experience has thought me, to find joy in what we have , continue to desire what we want and believe that we will have them. I have also learnt that it is not over until it is over and not until God says so, we humans can do very little.

It was Pappee’s 7th birthday a couple of weeks ago. He was so looking forward to turning 7, you will think that there is something extraordinary about the day. As a Christian the number 7 is very significant but that was not what my son was focusing on. He was going to have a “big party”. He actually requested for this party as according to him, he has not had any party ever before”…strange he had a first year big bang…why we do that I do not know when the kids never remember. Subsequently, it has been cake and party packs/gifts to school and sharing with classmates. This year I agreed to a big party and we went all out for it…the excitement that this brought was enough for the cost and the labor that went into. He truly enjoyed his day and I was very happy for him. Even though it was the onset of the rainy season for days and weeks he kept praying for sunshine and the night before he reminded everyone not to forget to ask for a sunny weather the next day. He was very particular about the hours which were what made his prayers special. I prayed that it will not rain, all through the day but he prayed for no rain for specific hours and his request to all he said “God please stop the rain from 1:00pm to 6pm” Those were the hours of his party. I must say that God granted him that request…not only did it not rain…it must have gone down as the hottest day in May but the kids could not care less.

On the morning of this day, a very strange thing happened. As I woke up and came out of my room, I saw him sprawled on the carpet watching his Disney channel. This is probably the only time he watches television and the channels and programs are restricted. He jumps right up and comes to me and I started praying for him and trying to bless him as my child on this his 7th birthday but he pushed me out a little bit so that he can look me over, and lifts up my pajamas top to get a good look on my stomach and then he pokes me all over the stomach and I was still wondering what was going on. Then he blurts out “Omimi’s mummy had a baby on his birthday”. Immediately, it hit me what this drama was all about. My son has been secretly wishing and believing to have a sibling on his birthday. Although Pappee has always prayed for a brother and a sister, he has not as much as asked me when that will happen or why it has not happened. His disappointment was so clear and my heart went out to him. I held his hands, looked directly into his eyes and told him that if that is what he truly wants today, he should go into his room and pray and ask God to give him a brother or a sister before his next birthday.

Why do I say when our desires are unfulfilled…I have often thought about how I really thought I would have two kids and there is no reason why I cannot. Over the years I have believed then I un-believed. I have even come to accept that it will never happen and have moved on with my life and joyfully so too. My son is such a joy and a handful. Very intelligent, focused and very smart. It is impossible to feel like something else is missing in my life where kids are concerned. I would really want him to have a sibling but I have no control over that happening…that is not true, I have God’s word to hold unto and I have a role to play. Giving up in the face of the seemingly difficult situation is not really what is required of me or giving up when God has not given up on me is also a calamity which only the action of a boy has taught me. Around me as well is a friend who do not wear her faith on her sleeves (like me I must say) but perseveres through situations too numerous to mention yet, holds on to the end believing and doing all she can to get to what she wants. That also has been a good lesson. I am quick to give up

I do not know what desires you have that are truly aligned with God’s word and has not come to pass, if you will believe with a childlike faith that is not looking at why it cannot happen but will believe that God is able to do it and will do it, you will be amazed at the zeal you will have in facing your day and tough times.

Celebrating Yolanda Kings

I have not been able to write for a while now…been all sorts of things, events which I will be writing about soon…the travails of a woman, the unfulfilled desires of our lives and how we handle them…those are coming attractions.

The speaking world have lost one of their own…I thought I’d celebrate her life and honor her on this site that truly belongs to me. Please share and let it remind us that longevity is not promised but no matter now long we live, we can make an impact. We can be agents of change…this is just one piece among so many but it is one that I like so much…
May her soul rest in peace.

'Embracing Your Power' with Yolanda King

News & Notes, January 16, 2006 · On Monday, the United States celebrates the life and legacy of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. with a federal holiday. This year also marks the 20th anniversary of the creation of the holiday.

Yolanda King inherited her father's gift for oration and has put it to good use as a speaker, actor and producer. She is the founder and CEO of her own production company, Higher Ground Productions. She speaks with Ed Gordon about her latest effort and her father's historic stand against discrimination.

From Embracing Your Power in 30 Days:
What Do I Really Want In Life?
Well, I thought I wanted to be a star. As it turns out, what I really wanted, was to make a difference. I had to be clear about what I really wanted in life because being an actor alone didn't seem significant in comparison with the path of peace and freedom my family was pursuing. So, I allowed other people's opinions to dictate the value of my own desires. This prevented me from putting all my heart and soul into what I wanted to do with my life, causing me to feel lost and confused. Being distracted by other people's opinions caused me to be pulled in different directions and taken off my path. Later in life, as I began to embrace my power, I realized that I didn't have to choose. I could make a difference in the world and do it from center stage.
Taking a really close look at who you are sets the foundation for what you really want in life. I believe we have two desires, the desires of our soul and the desires of our ego.

My ego really wanted to be on stage. My soul really wanted to make a difference in the world. Knowing that this is what I truly wanted in life, I became an actor on a mission; a mission to help bring more peace to the planet. What a blessing it is to know what you really want from life and be empowered enough to pursue it. Do you know what you really want from life?

© Higher Grounds Productions, Inc. 2006. All Rights Reserved.

How much can you tell your children

Last Saturday, I went running with the engagement manager I have been working with on one of my projects. She is preparing for a marathon and I am a retiring runner but I wanted her to get some real training since she has only done treadmill runs since arriving here …also to show her where she can run in this part of the world without looking at her back every second and no cars and other things with wheels that crawl and speed round our streets. I was quite happy to find out that the magic has not totally disappeared and also to notice that out door running still has that high adrenalin feeling for me. I did 18 kilometers running fifteen and walking three while my partner ran her entire 20…(hey I am not training for a marathon…used do that much and more in my hay days)…age has nothing to do with it…we are pretty close in that area…just sheer training and fitness. For a while now, I have been doing only 30 minutes here, 45 minutes there and one hour every once in a while on treadmill but I do this 4 – 5 times a week so I am pretty fit for an advancing woman…

Running is great sport, it frees you physically, mentally and emotionally…you can have the time for “you”…it is just you and nature and our running route over looks the ocean…which is even so breathtaking. We started off running and talking right away…after a while all talks will die naturally because the body is conserving all its energy to move the legs forward…and we got talking about family….we work so hard on this project hat we never stop to find out about each other so this has been our only outlet without other listening ears as well. She asked if I have kids …I said I have one who is 6 and soon-to-be 7…she has a boyfriend and marriage is not what they talk about now…she will like to have kids although she is conscious of the advancing age thingy and we talked about the giant strides in medicine towards women who want to have babies later. Then she said that we are definitely taking our time these days with having babies. She said she is 36 years (she looks great for this age…I must say…I could have put her age at 30 or 31) and that her mum had her at 20 ( I think) or 22 and that her mom had two abortions prior.

Something hit me like a lightening…it is either this mother does not want her kids to make the same mistakes she made or she really confides in her kids. It is hard for women to acknowledge these acts let alone tell kids. I was not sure if I would have done that. I am not sure if she should have…but I am not here to judge her either way…Are there things we cannot tell our kids? Put differently, should we tell our kids everything? Will it hurt them or make them hate us or will it really show them how fallible we are and how even after all these…God still made something out of us because He reserves mercies for thousands???

When Is the Right Time for Love

Heyya all…have missed blogging…been very busy trying to make loads of money…so that I can lie down under the coconut tree in a secluded island and enjoy nature…fresh fruit juice and simply live…any one understand what I mean?

I realized that stranger than fiction piece got a few tongues wagging, a few curios minds thinking and a few people just wondering…hmmm! I cannot help you…remember I said ask no questions?

On my way back from the Queen’s own country a couple of days ago, I decided that I will not day dream or read which is all I usually do on planes, I decided to watch a movie and I chose “Miss Porter”…when I saw that it was Renee Zellweger…I knew I cannot but enjoy it…who will blame me…I only remember her for Bridget Jones diary. While I am sure movie critics will have their say, I think it was a very good movie...nothing new but something that got me thinking. Every woman has (not every…here I go again generalizing) after all there are women who do not think at all ..anyway…most women over the age of 18 most have given this a fleeting thought…when is the right time for love? How do I know when love comes calling? What if I do not feel any butterflies in my stomach…does it mean? All sorts of questions and thoughts that go through our minds as women (may be they go through guys minds as well but they don’t tell).

So when is the right time for love? When I was growing up (believe me, I am done growing up…at least physically...mentally and emotionally? I think I will continue to grow in those dimensions until the 6 feet time), I thought that love just must come and I do not think that one can pass 20 years without falling in love and living happily ever after…guess what yours truly used to feed on then? Mills and Boon…Janet Daily, Carole Mortimer…those were my favorite writers…then I moved on to Danielle Steel and heartbreaks started filling my thoughts but then back to this 20 years thingy. Then I cannot remember when I was twenty truly but I can tell you that love did not come calling…okay I remember love came before then in different forms and even trailed me home and dearest mommy even had a choice. But suffice it to say that I did not move to the “happily ever after” phase. I trudged along finding my feet and exploring the world…in retrospect I was searching for my niche…not sure if I have finally settled that quest by the way.

When is the right time for love…when we have settled our internal, intrinsic quest, found our niche? Or is it when we feel the butterflies and have no clue of the heart aches and labor and sacrifices that love demands? Looking at Miss Porter, (if you have seen the movie)…I am not sure which one it was really…in her case but there was a lesson in that movie or even lessons…go with your heart, believe in yourself, love can be painful, love gives a second chance.

On another note…life gives a second chance for love…is it only when the first love is dead? Does it give when you did not recognize it at first and you walked past?

Stranger than fiction

In this part of the world strange things happen…elections mean prison for the electorates…should really tell people that nothing has changed…how are we supposed to believe in a system that does not trust its people?…if they do not trust us to vote without imprisoning us, how are we to believe that they will do the right thing…they just want to lock us up so that they will have freedom to rig the election?…stranger than fiction…not to talk about rampage in schools …this is a strange era in the history of mankind. My tears have not stopped flowing following the Virginia Tech shootings of last week.

Since I could not find my voters card, even if I found it, there are no ballot papers I was told because it is still being printed. I think our out going aka staying behind the puppet president should stand trial for taking a whole nation for a big ride but I will leave that to the politicians...I was trying to utilize the prison time to tidy up and put a few things in order. I started with a tote bag that have spanned different phases of my life and while sorting out the papers, old bank statements, I stumbled on my diary…(oh I do keep diaries and I write quite a lot in them…safe and incriminating bits)…there will be tales when I leave this terrible place but I am not in a hurry I am still enjoying life on this part of existence and I still have quite a bit to do although these past weeks, I have been questioning that…but that is another story. Okay, before I digressed which I do pretty well, I stumbled into this piece I wrote for a heartthrob so many years ago and I thought I share a bit of my secrets out here…I share quite a bit though…

Long ago I said that you would forever be a part of me
I meant it with my whole heart and soul
And yet, after all this time, I am always amazed at just how strongly I still feel that
More than ever, I celebrate your joys, and I hurt when you are hurting
Your love must have touched the very core of my being that I can still be so deeply moved by what happens in your life
The place you have in my hear grows more special with time
It is just as much feeling that I tell you today as I once told you long ago…
You will forever be a part of me.

Whao!!! Please ask no question so that I tell no lies…
…who did I write it to…is it the same person I married?
Do I still feel this way about this person?....ask no question…just enjoy the piece

When it is a Woman

“Are you saying that it is a feminist thing to have an affair?”

“No, it is not about an affair it is about an alternative. It is about choice. It is telling yourself that there are options and the situation as it is, is not acceptable to you”

The above is a conversation between two women…very obvious isn’t it? When I heard this, I stopped in my tracks, I took off my ‘holier than thou’ hat, and I tried to see things from a different perspective…I am not sure which perspective…really, but I tried.

I listened to the above with a lot of compassion and at the end, I thought, oh my God, what is going on here? I can see exactly, I can actually feel exactly where this woman is coming from. I have always thought that sometimes people are really pushed and they have no option but truly options exist…how about walking away? Since I was not part of this conversation, I could not ask about the ‘walking away’ option.

I tried to imagine the situation …she is no longer in-love with the man…she still loves the man but also in love with another. The man is having an affair so she wants to get back at him. The man no longer loves her and does not want her…there issues and they cannot do it together? I am not sure what the situation is….but it could have been any of the above.

Can we justify a married woman having an affair? Is there any justification? Is the society that benevolent? Should they be?

How is the woman different from the man? How come he can do it and expect forgiveness, acceptance by the society and women cannot? In certain parts of the world…please do not ask me which parts, they are even hung or put to death for ‘bringing shame’… I will not go into this…NO way!!!

It is not about a man or woman rights, it is not about feminism, it is not about justification as in the case above…it is about choice if you ask me (not sure I am being asked though but I will still talk or write in this case).

The walking away option is really not an option because…
“I cannot walk away because of the children”. “I cannot walk away because I do not want the divorce shame”. “I cannot walk away because I still love him…” “I cannot walk away because you know I like the ‘mrs’ prefix or suffix…” “I cannot walk away because I have invested so much, I have put so much in this relationship”…the reasons abound”. Did I forget this one? “I cannot walk away because God hates divorce”…
Oh, I am sure he hates adultery just as much or what do you think?

So what do you do when you have no option, or when the situation is no longer acceptable to you? Lol…

What Makes Lasting Memories?

What Makes Lasting Memories?

I read something a couple days, weeks ago, a very ordinary story but something in the story struck me and really deeply, what makes lasting memories? We all have a chest of cherished memories in our hearts…some things we think about when we reminiscent and we smile and if you are like me, somethings I have erased completely from my memory because they are not worth occupying the space. People around wonder how I am able to do this but I do it successfully even when I want to remember them I don’t.

It is amazing that our cherished memories or special events in our lives that we hold dear are big events…birth of our children, marriage, the first time we met, this outing or that outing and sometimes they are also sad events. But truly, can we think of the moments that someone smiled at us when we so desperately needed a smile or hug or something? What about a kind statement? Recently a lady sent me a one liner and it was really a kind word, I smiled and I kind of got some energy to move on. Such memories are not expensive, they are not big events but they touch our lives.

Life is short they say but truly we live several hours a day and several days when put together, so the journey of life is pretty long and can be arduous…oh maybe not for all but we are blessed in so many many ways to help us along this journey…what we give and what we see, what we say, the lives we touch they will create lasting memories…memories for who, one may ask? Memories for the living…ever thought of it, memories are the ones left for the living. I have always believed that longevity is not a right…it is a promise of God and He alone has the prerogative and He will show mercy upon whom He will show mercy…but since this is not a sermon, I am only trying to point out that no matter how long we live, no matter how short it may appear…we have ample time to create lasting memories and guess what…those memories also help us even in our life time…we smile when we remember them, we are encouraged, when we create them and our lives improve because of these.

Ask yourself, what makes lasting memories for you …not your collection of goodies and we all like different goodies (some pretty expensive) but those are they lasting memories? What will they remember you for? I think of this and have thought about it for several years…when I am no longer here, what will I be remembered for? The good part is that I have every opportunity to create that…isn’t that an awesome privilege that has been given to us?

Tipping down and Over

What can I say? It has been a crazy period. There has been so much going on in and around me.

Around me is easier to deal with because I can blame work, infrastructure which has been erratic, demand on my time etc but the hardest part is the turmoil inside of me.

When I say it has been crazy, I really do mean it in every letter of the word…not sure how I have gotten from one day to the other. I truly felt like I was drowning and grappling …the hours in day did not seem enough and I was losing control. Anyone been there when it seems like things are spiraling out of control?

That is where I have been. I was thrown into two projects with a client and all too demanding…the sad part of that is that I was not prepared for it prior but in this time and period in business we are all supposed to be like “boys scout of old right?” Be prepared!!! So I went vroom on the projects and here I am they have both kicked off and I am on a high …oh well not quite…

On a personal level, I kind of feel like I was losing control of my drive and my passion…and that is very disturbing. Every once in a while we go through a dry spell but it is dangerous if we stay there for too long then we lapse into self pity and sometimes it takes longer to come out and for some people it becomes frustrating and then for some people it signals depression…now that is a genius speaking…can you beat that? …I have become a psycho analyst but then these things are not rocket science.

Not making light of things… when something has a fault, you contact the authorized service provider and in this case I went straight to the manufacturer and He is fixing things up.

It brings me to a very good point, something I have been wanting to write about…are you spiraling up or down in your present state/career? Do you even give it a thought? I know we all did some soul searching and introspection just at the end of the last year and made decisions of what we are going to do differently or focus on this year…and guess what, we have spent a quarter of the year already and if we are not already rolling on that vision or walking on that road…it is time to wake up.

If you are like me who has experienced different challenges so far and feeling like the year is almost over, then it is time to do some soul searching and see what is draining your energy, passion and drive so that you can do something about it. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and hugging yourself in self pity.

How the priest ruined my mother's day celebrations

Did I not say that I will not write about my husband on this blogsite? Have I not kept my promise to date? I just want absolve myself before anyone will say I violated my very own instructions. In this place, people always buy fights from other people…what have no connection to them they carry the subject matter on their head. It was mother’s day last Sunday (not the American version which the rest of the world has copied)…I mean the one in the church calendar after all they started the mother’s day celebration and America = the advanced world=western world copied it and now it seems they have the prerogative to say when it is mothers day. I actually told my son, to chose his own day no not really I think it should be everyday…he should just celebrate me everyday and not wait for any church or society to tell him when to celebrate his mother and that goes for all of you out there.

Hey hey!!! I wanted to write about the mothers day but in the process I have meandered around people buying problems off others here because they are busybodies and then I went on to vent my frustration on American…una see me see trouble!!. So as I was saying, it was mother’s day last week. I woke up to find tons of text messages (thank God my phone was on silence…) it looked as if people were struggling to be the first to send me texts since some of them came in earlier than 6:am and on a Sunday morning…Incredible!!! So it was, I had remembered the day before and bought some credit into the spare cell phone aka as Pappee’s phone so that he can call his grandmother so you can see I was very poised to celebrate my own.

Hubby and son had gone to ‘mass’ when I crawled out of bed to make breakfast for the morning before getting ready to go to church. When they walked in I was hoping to hear “happy mothers day’ since I did not see any card or a present decorated with lovely ribbons and wrap paper…I said Oh well…it happens after all who said they remembered and why should I sulk because no one remembered. We went to church after breakfast (yes I am a Pentecostal and do not do mass) and my head of department was so excited to see me and had this very well wrapped cake and a piece about mothers all ready for me…it had my name on it…was I so proud to be so loved and appreciated? So I carried it home happily and then asked my husband if they did not celebrate mothers in his church today and he said he did not hear the announcement. I said “Oh well…the rest of the Nigerian world are celebrating mothers today”. So it went. We called grandma and wished her a happy mothers day…this my husband is funnyooo…how did he remember to send something to his mother-in-law and said it was from his grandson and did not remember his own wife who is the mother of his child…at least for now…until it turns from child to children. In short I really hold it against him but I let it roll.

Can you all beat this? The priest in their church goofed and seriously too or is it the people that prepare the mass recital for last week? I do not know who but someone did. Today I was getting ready to go to church when the phone rings (been waiting for hubby to come back so that we can have breakfast) and he goes “there is no need for you to cook today”…I said I have already cooked…I have even cooked the lunch half way… and he said the ‘father’ announced that it was mothers day last Sunday and that they should celebrate today….I said “no problem…tell the father he is one week late”…lol. what can I say?…there goes mother’s day until next year.

What makes lasting impressions?

I read something a couple days, weeks ago, a very ordinary story but something in the story struck me and really deeply, what makes lasting memories? We all have a chest of cherished memories in our hearts…some things we think about when we reminiscent and we smile and if you are like me, somethings I have erased completely from my memory because they are not worth occupying the space. People around wonder how I am able to do this but I do it successfully even when I want to remember them I don’t.

It is amazing that our cherished memories or special events in our lives that we hold dear are big events…birth of our children, marriage, the first time we met, this outing or that outing and sometimes they are also sad events. But truly, can we think of the moments that someone smiled at us when we so desperately needed a smile or hug or something? What about a kind statement? Recently a lady sent me a one liner and it was really a kind word, I smiled and I kind of got some energy to move on. Such memories are not expensive, they are not big events but they touch our lives.

Life is short they say but truly we live several hours a day and several days when put together, so the journey of life is pretty long and can be arduous…oh maybe not for all but we are blessed in so many many ways to help us along this journey…what we give and what we see, what we say, the lives we touch they will create lasting memories…memories for who, one may ask? Memories for the living…ever thought of it, memories are the ones left for the living. I have always believed that longevity is not a right…it is a promise of God and He alone has the prerogative and He will show mercy upon whom He will show mercy…but since this is not a sermon, I am only trying to point out that no matter how long we live, no matter how short it may appear…we have ample time to create lasting memories and guess what…those memories also help us even in our life time…we smile when we remember them, we are encouraged, when we create them and our lives improve because of these.

Ask yourself, what makes lasting memories for you …not your collection of goodies and we all like different goodies (some pretty expensive) but those are they lasting memories? What will they remember you for? I think of this and have thought about it for several years…when I am no longer here, what will I be remembered for? The good part is that I have every opportunity to create that…isn’t that an awesome privilege that has been given to us?

A Very Pleasant Surprise

I am beginning to think that the day has been shortened by several hours plus I think my energy has also been down by the same rate. Put simply, I wake up and I am on a roll until it is time to go home and the roll continues and the next I am so tired that getting out of the bath in readiness for bed is even a task and then I hit the bed so tired that I wonder how I made it through the day. I wake up the next day promising that it will be better, I will plan better, use my time better even have time to catch up on gists, visit my favorite blog sites…to date, that has remained a dream in my head each day.

Well, yesterday I said, this will snap me out and I will get back to ‘normal’ but at the end of the day, I realized that nothing has changed and now I am worried. I am worried for me, I am worried for all the things I said I will do in 2007 and the year is a quarter gone. I have tons of books that I have been accumulating over the months and I have not finished reading any and I have not even been writing…I have not written anything new this year. They have only been publishing what I wrote from last year and they have run out and I have run out too…what a shame!!!

All gloomy stuff out now, yesterday was an exiting day, one of the best memories of my life so far and I know there are many more fond memories and that reminds me, I started out on a piece about what makes fond memories for people and I have not completed that yet, see what I mean? I need to get my acts together. That piece will hit my site by Friday bhg. So back to yesterday, it was assembly day for year two (Grade 2 for some people) students in Pappee’s school (my son) and his class was singing a song and I usually try not to miss anything he is taking part in and parents are welcome to these bimonthly assembly so I went. The assembly starts at 7:45am so that parents can go to work and it is over in 15 minutes or 20 minutes max. My son said they were singing a particular song which he had even made me learn so that he can conduct it at home. Then about 300m to school he said “mummy we are not singing that song again, I tricked you”. I was almost going to get upset because I have been made to sing that song God knows how many times while he raises his hands up and down as the conductor but I held my peace and went along and said “no problem, I am waiting to hear the new song”. We got to school just a few minutes before and they filed up according to their classes without much help…intriguing, my son even knows where to stand and what to do withhout anyone saying it ten times over (because at home his ears are totally detached).

Parents took their places behind and I saw camcorders out…luckily I remembered to take a camera…but everyone had camcorder or something…parents can over do things honestly (yours truly inclusive). I did not want to be out of place so I brought out my camera. The usual bits happened, prayer, national anthem, pledge of allegiance and then the much awaited song. I got him singing the song with all his voice and heart. Then they said it was award time…they started from the other streams of junior school and then it was year two and first name was called for most improved student and then out of nowhere we heard my son’s name for the best year two mental maths student award…you would have thought they just announced that he won the jackpot lottery…he was as pleasantly surprised as I was and I was so proud of him…did I say he said he loved girls…I think he likes more than girls. He loves numbers too. He is winning this award for the second year in a row. He won it in year one (although there was no certificate then but there is now). He plays a lot with numbers in his head. He hates to use counters or number lines to do his numeracy work, he likes to work things out in his head. It has landed us in a couple troubles because he will miss the answers by one under or over but once he gets the hang of it, he is on a roll whether it is division, subtraction or multiplication. I really thank God for the gift of this boy…days like yesterday I tend to forget that he is a handful. So now we have our bright and well designed certificate which I will be framing and putting up with a lot of pride and thankfulness.

Issues of Life

It has been indeed a long break and I am sorry to have been ‘off air’ for such a long time without notice…I am indeed very ashamed of myself…even the blogsite had problems logging me back in. As you may imagine, it was not deliberate but I found myself dealing with issues of life…sometimes they pour and not rain…, I thought of reporting back to by blog audience and never quite getting round to it.

It all started with a health scare and I had to deal with that. I had to jet out across the oceans to get some medical tests done. It was a harrowing experience considering I just got back from the God’s own country a month earlier where I took the annual routine exams and came boasting to you guys how healthy I was. I just know it was a scare from the ‘enemy’s camp’ but that is the story for another day. Actually it is a story waiting to be published…I am putting finishing touches to it at this time.

One of the not very interesting experiences was my clash with British Airways and I have asked myself that if I have the choice, will I fly that airline again?...I am still struggling with the answer. Imagine flying out of here at night getting to London and was told “Oh your flight to Washington DC has been cancelled” and I blurted out why? And I was practically told “we owe you no explanation”. They bumped me onto a Virgin Atlantic flight which I am very happy to have taken because it is my preferred airline (oh one of them I should say)…when you do not have a national airline, you should not really complain so much about other people milking you and insulting you on top it. Anyway, back to BA and the rubbish…they had the audacity to give me 10 pounds breakfast voucher and had nothing else to say to me. How about my luggage which was checked all the way to Dulles? “oh we will re-route your luggage”…stupid me, I believed them!!! The luggage was not to come for 3 days and I was there for a week. Lol…you go figure.

I had issues to deal with so I paid them very little attention. By the time luggage came, I was ready to come home. All in all it was a great trip…I have a story to tell and it is a good one. I got back to sort out my work mess…exiting and going into another company plus I jumped out in the middle of my last month serving out my notice period…total mess I tell you. I have struggled with that and just about easing myself out now and moving on…remember the gist that I had resigned from the vibrant lounge office?

So long a story…should really end by telling you guys how I got home and was reviewing my son’s literacy homework where they usually learn a set of 15 words each week and try to make sentences with them. Well, “girl” was a word in one of the sets and what was his sentence? “I love girls”…Imagine my shock…I told him to erase it and rewrite it…plus the word is girl not girls. Later when I thought about it…I was happy he loves girls…with no offence to anyone…I think I should have him write the sentence again and paste on his wall…

Back now and glad to off load here again. Moving into a new job but no more long breaks.

My First Encounter with St. Valentine

Love is like playing the piano
First you have to play by the rules
Then you have to forget the rules
And play from your heart…

What a description of this word, phenomenon, mystery!!! I do not know why we crave Love if not for the fact that it is an intricate thread that God wove into us (our fabric of life), when He made us…that links us back to Him.

As February 14 approaches (not sure it is not already February 14 in Australia as I write), oh whatever…these time zones are another thing we need to eradicate…we all need to have our mornings and afternoons together…any one has any idea how we can do away with time zones? Plus it will also help with jet lags….yours truly, I am always deviating from what I am writing about. Ever imagine how people write novels? They start with a story and stick to it and I am dreaming of writing not just one but several such books …not professional books…I can stick to the main gist but I mean…fiction...romance…stuff like that and yet I cannot even finish a blog post without meandering like the river.

Anyway, I was writing about love and February 14 when my thoughts and my fingers went to a different direction…there has been some frenzy in the air about February 14…some adverts even claim they can send flowers and gift to anywhere in the world…these people have no clue that there are villages in some parts of this same world that there are no routes into…they will have to fly, travel by car then change to canoe (not ferries) and it will take like 4 days to reach there…I think I should take them up on it. I just think that before they even get there if at all…it will be another year…maybe Christmas.

I can never forget the first time I heard of Valentines Day, it was in my year one in secondary school (high school for those of us from NA)…yes you can laugh...secondary school. Before this time, I had no clue…have never heard of it as something people in this part of the world celebrate and we celebrate quite a number of things…new baby, weddings, deaths, funerals, new car, new wife, new everything, new yam you just name it but never love as in setting out a day to celebrate love.

It was second term as a year one student and there was so much buzz, gifts were being bought and wrapped and I went to an all girls missionary school …now this are called faith-based schools….even in this school, there was so much going on but for now I will stick with my first encounter with St. Valentine. I called my friend then also a fellow year one to ask what valentine was and I was told it is Lovers day…that even confused me the more. I asked what lovers day meant and that confused my friend the more. Anyway, I bought no gift for anyone, I received no gift from anyone but the gifts and single roses were flying all above my head…it was purely meaningless.

The world has come a long way since then. My son is six and he will be exchanging valentine present in school this year for the second year running. Over the weekend we stopped by a grocery store and he wanted to buy a single plastic rose for his cousin…thank God! not for one strange girl…although I did not buy it, I told him that he should first give his mother before he thinks of any other girl…can you imagine that? Six years and his first thought is not his mother …what is this world turning into?

As you all prepare to celebrate Valentines day, think about it, what are you prepared to give in your relationships...that is more honorable than what you expect to receive. Also, do not let the celebration die after February 14…let the love candles burn all the year round with everyone you love.

Would you date or Marry...?

I must say that this has been the longest break from updating my blogsite since inception except of course when I was on holidays. For some strange reason, it has been very hectic and it looks like my work schedule suddenly tripled…oh well I guess I can say that it at least doubled plus I had to add school run to my schedule last week since my nanny was on a sick off time.

Oh, it is another Monday, I will make good effort not to complain as I usually do on Mondays and I am way too busy today to notice the blues. Anyway, there was this nagging thing on my mind that came up in a discussion I was having with my friend over the weekend. And the more I thought about it, the more I think that I have not reached any conclusion…it is kind of tough and everyone seem to have an opinion and reach a position so very easily except me.

Will you date a man or woman who is divorced or separated, with intention to marry the person? I should explain what my difficulty is, as a Christian woman, I do not approve of divorce and that is kind of binding because God hates it. But what happens when one partner moves out of the house, first to fulfill the legal requirement of a certain period of separation and then requests for divorce. If you as the other partner who believes that because God hates divorce, you would not want a divorce, should you or should you not grant this partner divorce. Secondly, if you are single and a divorced or a ‘soon to be divorced’ but happily separated guy/woman shows up on the doors of your life, would you date/marry this person?

I believe that we see enough of divorces and separations everyday on TV with all the “woods…Hollywood, bolly wood, nollywood), I am not talking about celebrity marriages and what ever else the media has made of marriage. I am referring the marriage in the real sense of it…based on strong values and in the true meaning or Love.

Handling Uncertainties

Looks like ages since I last wrote something. I have been wondering if this year is any different...actually it is very different from the other years...how can I even ask?

Anyway, it just seems like I am so very busy and the hours fly. Work...office has been a bit of a mess. There have been days when I felt like just getting away from it all. There has been quite a bit going on...a botched mbo, confusion, disillussionment, exits and someone in the midst of all these is supposed to maintain some level of sanity.

Remember what they say that when elephants fight, the grass suffers. ...there has been several elephant fights, different sizes of elephants and vaious patches of the grass suffering...yours truly has tried to keep a level head and a calm approach which has worked so far. All said, it has been a trying time at my patience as well. People just forget that everyone is going through the same emotions...only some people have made a conscious decision and choice on how to respond to it. Which brings me to the issue I want to discuss today...how do we respond to uncertainties in the different areas of our lives?

I believe that it is difficult to predict how one will respond to a certain situation until he/she is confronted with it but even when we are confronted with it which we have been at different stages of our lives ranging from the really overwhelming to the not very overwhelming...we can take a deep breath and make a conscious choice of how we will respond and what stand we will take. Sometimes we have time to 'sleep over' an issue but sometimes we have to respond to situations within split seconds...no matter the urgency, we cannot allow situations to toss us to and fro and we find ourselves beeing managed by these changes instead of us managing the situation.

I have seen people dangle and float...not sure where or what they want to do even when they have taken days and nights 'sleeping over the issue' and even claiming to pray about it. The later action is really very funny, you'd expect that someone who prays will expect to get an answer but since God does not speak to us from the open heavens, even getting an answer or a confirmation to our prayers is a difficult task for some people. I am definitely in support of the prayer approach and I advocate it but I know that God is not an author of confusion and I also know that He answers prayers and speaks to us even this day. However, people should not hide under this unbrella to float and be undecisive about their lives or follow the crowd.

Enough of this sermon. I think I have made my point and that is we should always make a decision, a choice on how to react and respond to situations as this will help us manage the situations. The values and pricinciples we live by (hopefully we have) are fundamental to the choices we make. If we lack these, we can sleep over issues for weeks running on months and still be tossed to and fro and just go with the flow instead of dictating the flow.

Have a great week everyone.

How Important is Reputation

Often what we say or maybe I should say what I hear is “I really do not care what people think…I do not give a damn if that what he/she thinks…”and phrases like that. However, things come back to us and we wonder why anyone will describe us as they do or say things about us…we tend to forget our initial position on what people think.

We often say people have a right to their opinions and views, at what point should those views and opinions cross the line and become issues for us? If we are not bothered as we claim we are not and then we act the way we want or believe we should act and people read those actions and form their opinions and how come we worry and bitch about what they are saying about us? I have seen these problems in different settings, the conclusion then is that we truly care about what people say about us or think of us.

In the part of the world where I come from not just the country….inside the country I come from an exclusive part and they have their own inherent idiosyncrasies, if you meet an elderly person and introduce yourself and say you are from this village or that village, the first he says is “Who in the village is your father, actually they put it so bluntly “who gave birth to you in that village?”…and when you call your father’s name or your grand-father’s name, the old man or woman will draw his conclusions on who you are or what stuff you are made of. I agree that is not a fair or true reflection of the truth since we are all different and have our own missions and composition but as they say “blood does not lie” and the apple falls not too far from its tree”.

Recently, I have witnessed a very funny incident in the office that got me thinking. Our actions have a ripple effect. It is surprising that we do not think of the response of the people around us when we make decisions or act in certain ways. People who incidentally have a right to their own opinion and choice of response to our actions exercise their rights and we complain that they are either ‘spoiling our names’ or ‘spreading untruthful (short of saying false) information about us’…all they have done is make a choice of responding to our actions and attitude.

Someone will say that we do not have a right to judge anyone and I agree with that claim totally but what is the defining line between our perception of people, our interpretation of their actions and judgment? It must be a very fine line. Plus we never know who we truly are or how we would respond to situations that we have drawn conclusions about people on until we are confronted with the same situation…anyone ever remember the movie – “Crash”? Examples abound…yet we act recklessly, talk recklessly, and say we do not care and then we turn around and we care about what people are saying about us?

We must learn to sow good seeds in actions and words so that we can reap the fruits. It is impossible to sow an orange seed and it will produce apple. However, I understand that soil composition can make a sweet apple seed produce sour apple. As human beings God has blessed us with intelligence and gave us freewill to choose and that gift can either make us or destroy us (man), again the choice is ours. Whether we care or not about what our friends think, or our colleagues think, it is important for us to ask ourselves first, what report we want of ourselves and see if we truly do not care.

The Scary bit about aging

When people talk about aging and how they are not worried or scared of aging, we often focus on the looks:sagging skin, flabby breast (more like flat slippers), receeding hairline, wrinkles and grey hair...all physical stuff. I must confess that until I sat in a mamogram center recently, I too had not given the other side of of aging any thought whatsoever.

As I was sitting in my hospital gown waiting with other women of varied ages for a mamogram examination, this elegant , tall older woman probably about 70 -75 yrs came out from the examination x-ray imaging room and was trying to get back to her own chaning room. She kept opening the wrong doors and bumping into others and then it hit me...and hit me really hard that aging has other effects and issues beyond how we look. Also, when we are young as we are now (I still think I am young...you go figure), we tend to think that we will never age or that aging will ring a bell to announce its arrival and then we can stop it or we will age 'gracefully'...ever heard the popular phrase of aging gracefully???

Coincidentally, my friend and I were making a joke about what her worst disease will be in her old age and we said "definitely Alzheimer disease" since she has a nack for remembering everything and every face in the world that she has come across. But truly, it will be hard to see her not remembering even her own child but this is what aging can trigger.

If you have only thought about aging in terms of looks or menopause, I think it is time to think again. While I agree that there are medical and scientific breakthroughs that can delay aging or or take ages away from our physical looks (Dr. Rey, is making loads of money from this), I have not heard of one that stops it completely. We are toying with hormone replacements at this time...but aging is beyond the physical, hot flashes, Eds (for guys), it is more of the internal decline that we should concern ourselves with and brace up to face. Eating right and living right in your youth is critical but aging is a daily thing and right now, very scary. I imagined the woman I saw at the mamogram center in her youth and I thought...she could not have imagined what age will bring unto her even though she still looks dashing and gorgeous.

Reality Check…A visit to the Doctor

It feels good to be back…you know what I mean right?...to blogging…seems like there are tons of gists and insights that I really want to share. Who would have thought that I will miss spilling my guts out to the entire world? A little secrecy will not hurt, will it? How come I cannot keep quiet and keep things to myself? Too late now, I am already on the roll.

I also think that I have exceeded the break period by a couple of days but hey…that is okay isn’t it? Plus I am back to serve out the remaining of my notice period in this glorious company where I work…before you even ask…yes I had time to think through a lot of things and make some agreements with myself on what choices I will be making. I also stumbled on something that Stephen Covey said…it is choice not change determines destiny…I thought that was pretty cool but you know yours truly a whole lot of things sound pretty cool to me.

Just before the Christmas holidays, there was a very sad incident in this part of the world and this would be sad in any part of the world by the way. There was this lady whose obituary filled the local papers for days. She was 35 years old only and died of cancer…after several attempts at beating it…unsuccessfully as it finally happened…leaving 3 kids behind as I understand it between the ages of 7 and 3…how sad! It was even sadder because with cancer (not going into remission) you know it is a death sentence and it hangs over you until it takes you away…

As a mother I kept wondering how she would have lived with this knowledge and looking at her wonderful kids and knowing that hse will not be here to see them grow up. I mentioned this to people who have lived with loved ones with this disease (the closest I got to this was watching or not really watching but seeing a dear aunt of mine also taken away by this evil called cancer) and I was told that they go through 3 stages and eventually accept the inevitability of death and make peace with it and live the rest of their days in peace and in some kind of expectation for the death to come along. No matter how they put it, it sounded really awful.

Anyway, this death jolted the living truth out of yours truly and I made a decision that if I do get to where there is trusted medical examination and analysis procedure I will have myself checked out. So during this vacation, I got what they call annual physical…only in my own case it was a ‘life time physical’…you cannot imagine the doctor’s face when he asked when I had my last physical and I said “can’t remember’ or when I was asked by the radiologist the last time I had a mammogram and I said ‘never’. How can they understand? I did not worry so much about the shock on their faces…just wanted them to get on with all of the examinations.

I do not know how that thought got into my mind to go and see a doctor when there is nothing obviously wrong with me…or at least I think so or rather I thought so until I landed myself into a doctor’s office. How did I think that I will ask a doctor to check me out and he will say ‘go home you are hale and hearty? My mother always say that they will always find something and made worse even when I mentioned which part of the world I was coming from…. Oh boy…the doctor ticked off on all the things that can be tested in the form and the blood work test sheet. I was only happy when he said the little blood they have taken will be enough because the list was endless. They did find something but nothing life threatening as far as I am concerned…plus it is really God who has the final say…

So as you can see it was an eventful time out and loads of gist abound including my hubby’s aberration which led us to driving from Washington DC to Michigan…check the mileage in goggle…and the duration and then imagine the ‘fun’….

Good to be back and have a place to off load these.

What are you wishing for 2007

I cannot believe that it has been 2 weeks since my last posting. I hope you all had a good Christmas holidays. I have been doing a lot of travelling...so far it looks like a mission of "around the world in 30 days"...only I do not have 30 days but I promise I will tell all on this site...

First of all, I want to thank Almighty God who has made it possible for me and if you are reading this to see the end of 2006 in good health and looking forward to greater things as we step into 2007. It is new year's eve today and I am in awe as I am always everyday...at the mercy and faithfulness of God. I am always overwhelmed each 31st day of December since my adult life because I always see it as the express grace of God.

I do not know what complaints you have about the past year... its failures, disappointments and challenges that you would have faced in 2006 but it is worth taking a few minutes to say thanks to God and everyone who has either supported you or encouraged you in 2006 and as you look forward to 2007, to beleive that what you dream and wish for is possible. You are peculiar, and have peculiar talents and potentials deposited in you and if you can reach out and tap into it with faith and determination...not giving in to fear or all the obstacles that show up along the way, nothing will stop you.

I believe that 2007 is year of double miracle...if you are believing God for one...ask Him for two. He will not deny you any good thing.

It is my wish that the new year will bring you all the best and let nothing stop you...go ahead take the step towards your goal...greatness is not achieved in mediocrity...it is not achieved in fear...what are you wishing for in 2007? Do not make another resoluting, take action!!!

I will be on vacation for the next 2 weeks and there will be no updates in this site during this period.

Happ new year everyone and see you all in the new year!!!